Local Man Outraged After Discovering Science Doesn’t Care What He Thinks

Experts Confirm: Feelings Still Not Peer-Reviewed Research

Man Faces Harsh Reality of Objective Truth

CLEVELAND — In what psychologists are calling “a textbook case of reality shock,” local resident Todd Meyers was left speechless after discovering that his personal opinions do not carry the same weight as scientific consensus. The revelation came during a heated online debate in which Meyers insisted that his “gut feeling” about climate change outweighed decades of peer-reviewed research.

“I just assumed if I felt strongly about something, that meant it was true,” Meyers said, still visibly shaken. “But apparently, scientists expect you to have ‘evidence’ and ‘data’ and not just a Facebook post you saw one time.”

Science Professors Report Widespread Confusion

Meyers is not alone. Scientists say they routinely encounter individuals who believe that personal conviction and actual research are interchangeable. “I wish I had a dollar for every time someone told me they ‘just don’t believe in gravity,’” said Dr. Linda Prescott, a physicist at Ohio State. “Unfortunately, science is not a belief system. It works whether you agree with it or not.”

In response, experts have proposed a groundbreaking new educational initiative: teaching people that reality is not a democracy. “We’re considering a national program called ‘Facts Don’t Have Feelings,’” said Dr. Prescott. “But we’re struggling with funding because some lawmakers still think vaccines contain microchips.”

Todd Attempts to Rebuild His Worldview

Following his existential crisis, Meyers has attempted to regain his footing by claiming that science is just “one opinion among many.” However, when he tried to use this argument against his car’s check engine light, the vehicle immediately broke down.

“I don’t understand,” he said. “I strongly believed the engine was fine. Shouldn’t that have counted for something?”

While Meyers processes his new reality, scientists remain hopeful that others will begin to grasp that opinions are not substitutes for facts. “It’s a slow process,” said Dr. Prescott, “but if we can teach people that the sun doesn’t actually rise just because they perceive it that way, we’ll consider that a win.”

15 Humorous Observations About People Confusing Opinion with Science

• Your opinion is valid, but it still won’t make the Earth flat.
• Just because you believe something doesn’t mean NASA will rewrite the textbooks.
• Scientists don’t “vote” on facts. That’s what Congress does.
• If personal opinions affected physics, we’d all be able to fly by now.
• Reality does not require a like button.
• The scientific method has yet to include “Todd’s gut feeling” as valid evidence.
• Arguing with gravity won’t stop you from falling.
• If opinions determined facts, we’d all be billionaires with perfect health.
• There’s no “agree/disagree” button in physics.
• Scientists spend decades on research. You read one meme. Who should we trust?
• The moon landing happened, even if your uncle thinks otherwise.
• Feelings are important, but they won’t make 2+2 equal 5.
• Science doesn’t need your approval to function.
• The Earth keeps spinning, no matter how passionately you think it’s standing still.
• Ignoring reality doesn’t mean it ignores you back.

5 Comedian One-Liners on Confusing Opinions with Facts

“Just because you don’t believe in climate change doesn’t mean your house won’t get washed away by a hurricane.” – John Oliver

“If science was based on opinions, we’d still be curing diseases with leeches and prayers.” – Trevor Noah

“You don’t have to believe in science, but science still believes in you. And it’s judging you.” – Seth Meyers

“I once argued with a guy who thought the Earth was flat. He lost his GPS signal and had to ask for directions.” – Stephen Colbert

“Reality doesn’t care about your opinion. It’s not your mom.” – Jimmy Fallon