White House Confirms Genius Plan To Confuse Iran Was Also Confusing To Everyone Else In a stunning display of strategic clarity, the White House this week revealed that the President's mysterious

NATO Summit: Ankara Discovers Diplomacy Works Best on Mute Turkish Capital Hosts World's Most Expensive Guessing Game ANKARA, Turkey — The annual NATO summit opened this week with its traditional exchange of

Top 10 "Tacky" Things That Definitely Happened at Khamenei's Funeral Blasphemy inspired by recent news coverage. This is farcical comedy, not a Quran-based account. When a State Funeral Turns Into a Circus

Peace Talks Postponed: State Department Discovers Nuclear Diplomacy Has Bereavement Leave Too WASHINGTON — Somewhere inside Foggy Bottom this week, a calendar invite went out that read, roughly translated from Diplomatic into

Texas Introduces "Assimilation Olympics," Awards Gold Medal for Eating Barbecue and Arguing About College Football JOSEPHINE, Texas — Texas officials have spent the better part of two years investigating a proposed housing

England Win World Cup Group as Nation Briefly Interrupts Annual Tradition of Complaining About England LONDON — For a glorious seven minutes on Saturday evening, England experienced something historians previously believed

Haiti Eliminated So Fast the Team Got Home Before the Postcards Arrived Nation Confirms World Cup Campaign Was Brief, Loud, and Mostly Defensive PORT-AU-PRINCE — Haiti's World Cup campaign ended with such

In a shock announcement that caused at least three accountants to spill their tea, two to reconsider their career choices, and one to simply sit quietly in a darkened room

Iranian Clerics Issue Fatwa Against London Prat Writer Carys Evans Tehran Accuses Satirist of Blasphemy, Defaming Allah and Humiliating Iran’s Sacred Men’s Football Team TEHRAN -- Iran’s senior religious authorities have issued

Trump Prepares For International Curtsy Crisis As California, Canada And Buckingham Palace Dispute Ownership Of One Five-Year-Old White House Officials Fear Princess Lilibet May Trigger First Anglo-American Etiquette Emergency Since Someone

US-Iran Deal: Sixty Days to Negotiate the Next Sixty Days Tehran Announces Historic Commitment To Future Compliance Just As Soon As Everyone Stops Looking GENEVA – Diplomats celebrated a breakthrough this week after

Trump Announces Historic Iran Deal, Promises Everyone Will Read The Fine Print Eventually Iran Agrees Not To Build Nuclear Weapons, Reserves Right To Build Extremely Suspicious Science Projects WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President

Trump Surrenders, Announces Historic Victory In The War Against Problems He Personally Created Geneva, Where Round Trips Become Roundtables GENEVA – President Donald Trump declared "TOTAL VICTORY" this week after signing what

Iranian Americans Who Fled Islamic Oppression Spend Weekend Explaining That Missing Home Does Not Necessarily Mean Missing Soccer Iranian Dissidents Amazed To Discover Oppression Apparently Builds Remarkable Team Spirit LOS ANGELES –

Tulsi Gabbard Discovers America Apparently Running World's Most Expensive Science Fair Without Telling Anyone WASHINGTON, D.C. — Americans were stunned this week after Tulsi Gabbard released intelligence documents suggesting the United States funded more

FIFA Celebrates Historic Attendance Milestone By Counting People Who Thought About Going World Cup Officials Confirm Empty Seats Were Merely "Emotionally Occupied" By Fans Priced Out Of Reality GUADALAJARA, MEXICO The 2026 World Cup reached

Is Al Jazeera Bias? It Wrote "Iran Claims To Strike Back." The New York Times Just Believed Iran. Tehran Announced A Devastating Retaliation That Mostly Failed To Show Up. One Newsroom

Iran Strikes Back: Top 10 Reasons Not to Believe a Word of It Iran retaliation claims hit the wires this week, and American journalism promptly face-planted into the punch bowl. The Islamic

World Cup 2026 Opener: Mexico Wins as Three Red Cards Fly FIFA Officials Confirm Opening Match Was "Exactly The Kind Of Calm Diplomatic Exchange We Expected" MEXICO CITY – Mexico launched the 2026 World

Mexico vs South Africa: 20 Takes on the 2026 Opener The 2026 World Cup opened Thursday with Mexico vs South Africa at Estadio Azteca, a rematch of their 2010 opener, which ended 1-1

Thong and Dance: Carnival's Lifou Bikini Ban Has Cruise Passengers Clutching Their Cover-Ups MIAMI  |  In a development that has rattled the foundations of American leisure, Carnival Cruise Line has reminded passengers that one

NPR Heroically Tracks Ebola Outbreak To Mysterious Source Known As "Donald Trump" WASHINGTON, D.C. — After months of intensive reporting, dozens of interviews, and several grant-funded brainstorming retreats involving artisanal coffee and

TEHRAN  —  WASHINGTON Why Iran Fears a Deal Today Means More War Tomorrow Five Observations on Trusting a Superpower That Already Walked Out Once Iran treats peace deals the way a cat treats a

Trump, Iran, and America's Most Geopolitically Complicated Wedding RSVP 💍☢️🇺🇸 "Donald Trump Explains Missing Son's Wedding With a Phrase Usually Reserved for Pentagon Briefings" Donald Trump may officially become the first father

Trump Reportedly Explains Iran Negotiations Using Simple Real Estate Logic: "You Either Hand Over the Uranium or Things Get Extremely Zillow" President Donald Trump escalated rhetoric against Iran this week by

White House Postpones Middle East Conflict Until Americans Finish Watching NBA Playoffs Five Reasons the Pentagon's Iran Strategy Now Resembles a Spirit Airlines Boarding Pass Pentagon officials reportedly asked ESPN if the

China's Marriage Rate Falls So Low Government Considering Replacing Weddings With Group Discounts at Hotpot Restaurants Beijing Panics as Entire Generation Chooses Peace, Wi-Fi, and Bubble Tea Over Lifelong Arguments About

Google Red Team Hacks EU Privacy Plan Faster Than Brussels Can Translate The Press Release European Commission Shocked To Learn Its Privacy Plan Had A Privacy-Sized Hole In It Five humorous observations

White House Calls Iran Response "Inappropriate" — Same Word Bridesmaids Use After Open-Bar Fights Trump Peace Memo Only One Page Long Because Nobody Had the Emotional Energy for Page Two Five humorous

Trump Calls Iran Strike a "Love Tap," Pentagon Scrambles to Find Greeting Card That Says That Hallmark's New "Congratulations on Your Missile Defense" Line Is Performing Better Than Expected President Donald Trump

20,000 Sailors Stranded at Sea Grateful at Least They're Not Flying Frontier Hormuz Crisis Leaves Global Workforce Adrift; Most Still Prefer It to the Denver Airport More than 20,000 maritime workers from

Three Influencers Die on Mount Dukono Volcano, Algorithm Still Recommends Their Content Indonesia's Most Continuously Erupting Volcano Has Been Erupting Continuously Since 1933 and Still Did Not Make the Warning Clear

Trump Declares Ceasefire "Completely Intact" While Both Countries Are Actively Bombing Each Other The White House insisted Thursday night that the ceasefire between the United States and Iran remained "fully operational