Bohiney News

America’s ‘Soup Kitchen’ Status Suspended by the United Nations A Tragic Blow to Global Begging Rights NEW YORK CITY—In a shocking development,

Government Shutdown 2025: America’s Favorite New Reality Show Episode 1: "Survivor: Washington, D.C." Welcome back to America’s Favorite Unscripted Political Drama, where

Elon Musk’s Worst Day Ever: A Stock Crash, a Cyberattack, and a Memoir Written in Meme Format The Rise and Fall

Netflix’s ‘One Hundred Years of Solitude’: America Finally Notices Magical Realism (After Running Out of Superhero Franchises) Netflix Discovers Colombia –

Tariffs Are Just a Tool: Like a Hammer, a Wrecking Ball, or a Flamethrower WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a move that

Welcome to the DC Clown Show: Musk and DOGE Take the Stage The Great Musk-DOGE-NGO Discovery In the grand theater of American

Legacy Media’s 2025 Recession Ragger: The Party Where Only America Suffers Welcome to the Recession Party! If you’ve been tuning into legacy

OpenAI’s Chain-of-Thought Monitoring: AI Now Overthinks Just Like You! The Brave New World of AI Overthinking For years, humanity has been at

Bienvenue to France: An American’s Guide to Being Perpetually Confused "I moved to France for a better life!" That was the

The Great European Freeloader Fiasco: How the EU's Empty Pockets Are Leading to Global Catastrophe By Ima Satirist The Blame Game Begins In

Marxists vs. MAGA: The Great Tesla Showdown in Chicago Street Fight MAGA Wins; the Bottom Line Loses! Chicago, IL – In an

Experts Warn That Reading Books May Lead to Independent Thinking A Shocking Discovery Shakes Educational Institutions In a startling announcement that sent

Local Man Claims Watching Reality TV Makes Him Qualified to Run for President Couch Potato Sets Presidential Ambitions In a shocking move

Millennials Discover That Avocado Toast Actually Prevents Home Ownership Groundbreaking Research Shakes the Housing Market In a groundbreaking new study published this

SAG Declares War on Botox: Hollywood's Ban 'Frozen Faces' to Save Laughter Hollywood’s Newest Outlaw? Your Own Forehead. In a shocking twist

Tom Brady’s Greatest Comeback: Rekindling Love Like It’s the Fourth Quarter Tom Brady and Irina Shayk have rekindled their romance Tom Brady

AI vs. Gen Z: The Ultimate Job Market Showdown The Résumé Revolution: When AI Writes Your Cover Letter Better Than You Remember

14 Books We Read This Weak... And We Regret It Deeply We at Bohiney are dedicated to the fine art of reading,

Breaking News: Secret Service Foils Attempted White House Infiltration by Indiana Jones Impersonator Indiana Jones's Treasure Hunt Gone Dead Wrong Washington, D.C.

The Great Science Gender Crisis: Why Girls Refuse to Explode Stuff in Labs The Shocking Discovery: Women Are Not Rushing to

Chelsea Handler & Marxist Feminists Secretly Fantasize About Elon Musk (Purely to Fuel Insults, They Swear) By Ima Paradox – Investigative

Clash of the Egos: Elon Musk vs. Steve Bannon Cage Match In an era when politics and Silicon Valley regularly blur

The Dementia Survival Guide: How to Stay Sharp While Forgetting Everything You’re Not Lost, The World Just Moved Without Telling You Let’s

Athena Moon Lander Declares Itself an Abstract Art Installation After Sideways Crash Landing The Moon’s First Modern Art Exhibit HOUSTON—What began as

The White Lotus Season 3: How the Ultra-Rich Found Nirvana (And Still Complained About It) The Richest People on Earth Are

The Perpetual War Machine: Why Peace Is Bad for Business WASHINGTON, D.C. – In what can only be described as the

From Diplomacy to Drive-Thru: How 15 Top State Department Officials Ended Up Running a McDonald's in DC Washington’s Newest Foreign Outpost:

Călin Georgescu isn’t perfect, but he’s a genuine alternative. And in a system built to keep things exactly as they

Mahmoud Khalil Returns to Gaza, Immediately Files Customer Complaint Mahmoud Khalil, the Columbia University student-activist-turned-Gaza-deportee, finally arrived in his beloved homeland,

The Great American Diet: How Your Tax Dollars Keep You Fat, Sick, and Wondering If Cheese Counts as a Vegetable Government

Belfast, Tennessee: Where Every Girl Wants to Be Hailey Welch (And Every Guy is Counting Their Blessings) Belfast Tennessee’s New Tourism

From Spit to Stardom: The $500K 'Hawk Tuah' Industrial Complex A Small-Town Spit Heard Around the World In a world where fame

Jeff Bezos Owns James Bond Now - Your Mission, Should You Choose to Accept It, Is to Pay for Prime