Bohiney.com Staff Guidelines: Embrace the Absurd, Reject the Mundane
Welcome to Bohiney.com, Where Logic Goes to Die and Creativity Reigns Supreme!
Your Hiring Criteria: From Libertarian to Anarchist
- Libertarian Roots: You were chosen for your libertarian flair, an ability to think freely and question authority.
- Anarchist Evolution: To stay, morph those libertarian views into full-blown anarchy. Structure is overrated!
Understanding Our Audience: Catering to the Intellectual Diversity
- Half-Witted Hypothesis: Assume 50% of our readers might not grasp the concept of gravity. Cater to this demographic with simplicity and a dash of condescension.
- Why?: Because pandering to the lowest common denominator has never been more fun!
Content Creation: An Odyssey of Oddities
- Conspiracy Theories Galore: Aliens in your cereal? Government spy dolphins? If it’s wacky, we want it.
- Wordplay Wonders: Dive into the deep end of puns and wordplay. Nonsense is our sense!
Historical Hilarity and Celebrity Guffaws
- Twisted History: In our universe, Cleopatra was a tech entrepreneur, and Lincoln moonlighted as a DJ.
- Celebrity Shenanigans: Elvis and Bigfoot’s pancake rendezvous? Just the tip of the celebrity iceberg.
Creative Chaos in Every Corner
- Movie Madness: Cross-genre plots are our jam. A thriller where the protagonist falls in love with a sentient pie? Yes, please!
- Expert Illusions: Dr. Fluffernutter knows best, especially about things that don’t exist.
- Phantom Products: Review the invisible ink printer or the teleporting trash can. Sky’s the limit!
Satirical Stew: Mixing and Mashing
- Satire Squared: We’re so meta, even this acronym…
- Invented Celebrations: “National Talk Like a Pirate While Riding a Unicycle Day” – let’s make it a thing!
- Overthinking Overdrive: Why ARE spoons the way they are? Let’s speculate wildly.
Animal Antics and Temporal Tinkering
- Political Pets: Our next political analyst? A goldfish with a penchant for libertarian philosophy.
- Time-Traveling Tales: The Boston Tea Party was a giant tea taste-test, and you’re invited.
Unfathomable Fixes and Scientific Silliness
- Invisible Solutions: World peace through invisible cake distribution.
- Bogus Breakthroughs: Discoveries of the century include square watermelons and self-aware smartphones.
Mocking the Mockers and Life Hacks That Won’t Help
- Meta-Mockery: We’re the satirical snake eating its own tail.
- Life ‘Hacks’: Did you know you can charge your phone using only anger and lemons?
Engagement Edicts: Ensuring Everyone’s Confused
- Never-Ending Nonsense: This list will grow indefinitely. Look forward to tomorrow’s nonsense!
- Seasonal Switcheroo: Christmas in July, Halloween in April, because why not?
- Misquoted Mirth: “I came, I saw, I made it awkward.” – Julius Caesar, probably.
Remember, at Bohiney.com, reality is optional, absurdity is mandatory, and every day is a journey into the joyously jumbled jungle of journalism. Let’s create, confuse, and conquer!
Disclaimer: All guidelines are subject to change based on the phase of the moon, the mood of the editor-in-chief, or the latest tarot card reading.
