Procrastination Study

Procrastination Study Finds Procrastination Linked to Reading Studies About Procrastination

Reading About Procrastination Creates Procrastination 

By: Tina T. Saurus | Nowhere, USA 


If you’re reading this article, congratulations: You’re likely part of a groundbreaking study that has just confirmed a long-held truth: procrastination is not just a bad habit, it’s a lifestyle choice. In a fresh new research study, scientists have found that procrastination is directly linked to reading about procrastination. It’s a fascinating, almost paradoxical discovery—people who procrastinate the most are also the ones most likely to read every available study on how to stop procrastinating. Talk about taking the longest route possible to avoid doing the thing you’re supposed to do.

It’s one of those situations where we all knew it deep down but didn’t have the data to back it up, until now. After all, when you’re sitting on your couch, glued to your phone, scrolling through study after study about procrastination, you’re technically doing research, right? And research is productive, right? But, alas, we live in a world where we consider binge-reading procrastination studies the equivalent of working hard, even when the only thing you’re really accomplishing is guilt and the unavoidable feeling of never actually getting to your to-do list.

Procrastination Isn’t Just a Habit—It’s a Full-Time Job

We’ve all been there. You sit down to do something—anything—and instead, you find yourself deep into a Google rabbit hole, reading about procrastination. You see a headline: “Why We Procrastinate”—and before you know it, you’ve spent the last hour absorbing articles, watching YouTube videos, and possibly even signing up for a newsletter that promises to help you stop procrastinating. This study, however, just officially gave it a name: You’re not procrastinating; you’re doing research.

Now, the irony of all this is not lost on me. Procrastination has been a millennia-old habit, passed down like some sort of familial curse. You’d think we’d have mastered it by now, but no. Not only are we procrastinating, but we’re also reading endlessly about why we procrastinate, which just reinforces the cycle. As this study points out, procrastinators aren’t just sitting idly by; they’re deeply invested in their condition. It’s a lifestyle. One study participant even admitted, “I didn’t start doing my project, but I did spend 12 hours researching why I don’t do my projects.” A truly profound accomplishment.

Reading About Procrastination: The Ultimate Form of Delaying the Inevitable

When procrastinators hit the Google search bar, it’s like they’re preparing for an intellectual journey. “How to stop procrastinating?” or “Why do I procrastinate?” These are questions of deep philosophical inquiry, and the internet offers up answers, all wrapped in neatly packaged articles that can take hours to digest. Sure, you could’ve spent that time just doing the thing you’re putting off, but where’s the fun in that?

In fact, procrastination has now been elevated to a form of sophisticated self-reflection. The latest research into procrastination shows that people who procrastinate are also highly motivated to find out why they do it. It’s a meta-problem: you’re aware that you’re not doing the thing you’re supposed to do, so you read about not doing it—until you get distracted by yet another pop-up ad that says “10 Ways to Conquer Your Procrastination” and then, well, there goes another hour.

Experts agree: it’s the ultimate paradox. According to Dr. Sara Finch, a psychologist at the University of Productivity Studies, “People who procrastinate often spend their time trying to understand why they procrastinate instead of actually doing something. It’s as if they’re conducting an ongoing investigation into their own inability to complete tasks.” This, she notes, creates a cycle where the procrastination is never truly overcome, because you’re never actually practicing the things you’re reading about. You’re just… reading.

“I Was Just Doing Research”—The Perfect Excuse for All Your Delays

For years, the only excuse procrastinators had was, “I’ll do it later.” But now, with the arrival of procrastination studies, a new and more respectable excuse has emerged: “I was doing research.” This phrase has entered the procrastinator’s lexicon, adding a layer of credibility to the otherwise suspect activity of watching Netflix or checking your social media every 20 minutes.

In fact, the study shows that procrastinators often justify their lack of action by claiming they’re engaged in “research.” One particularly dedicated procrastinator, Tom Jenkins, told us, “I was supposed to be writing a report, but instead, I spent the day reading studies on procrastination. I’m pretty sure I’ve learned a lot about myself in the process, and that’s got to count for something, right?”

In the eyes of researchers, this delay tactic is actually a coping mechanism. “Procrastination research becomes a form of validation,” explains Dr. Edith Grant, who led the study. “Procrastinators convince themselves they’re gathering useful information, even though it’s simply a way to avoid action. The issue here is that the more they read, the less likely they are to implement the changes they learn about.”

Procrastination Is a “Vicious Cycle” and Probably the Only Cycle We Actually Master

There’s a new theory in the world of procrastination studies that suggests procrastination is not only linked to reading about procrastination—it’s actually a vicious cycle that we are all part of. And like any good cycle, it’s unbreakable.

This new cycle consists of five stages:

  1. Denial – You deny that you’re procrastinating and tell yourself you’ll get to it soon.
  2. Excuse-Making – You find excuses to delay the task.
  3. Researching the Problem – You begin reading articles and studies on how to stop procrastinating.
  4. More Excuses – You put off actually implementing anything you read.
  5. Denial Again – You tell yourself, “I’ll do it tomorrow” while reading another study about procrastination.

This loop is one that even the most disciplined people fall into. Take Sarah, for example, who once spent a solid afternoon reading about procrastination when she should have been working on her thesis. “I’ve never been more productive in my life,” she says. “At least now I know exactly why I’m not doing anything.”

The Real Procrastination Power Move: Reading Studies About Procrastination While You Work

Sure, you could sit there, actually work, and cross things off your to-do list—but why do that when you can read about why you don’t do anything? The research confirms that people who procrastinate often end up spending hours reading articles, watching YouTube tutorials, and signing up for productivity webinars all while completely avoiding the task at hand. It’s the ultimate power move.

But let’s be honest—reading about procrastination while pretending to work is probably the most productive thing some procrastinators do all day. “It’s like work… but for your mind!” one procrastinator enthusiastically said while scrolling through another procrastination study. “I feel like I’m learning a lot, even though I’m not doing the actual thing.”

The Evolution of Procrastination: From ‘I’ll Do It Later’ to ‘I’ll Read About It’

For generations, procrastinators have proudly embraced the simple phrase: “I’ll do it later.” But as new studies have come out, there’s been a subtle shift in the way procrastination is viewed. Now, procrastination is no longer just about putting things off—it’s about researching the very act of putting things off. It’s a sophisticated form of avoidance that has evolved with the times, especially in the age of digital media.

You can now find entire books, podcasts, and even online courses about procrastination. And as the studies suggest, procrastinators are devouring these materials, often instead of doing the work that’s right in front of them. “I never thought of procrastination as a topic of study,” says one participant of the study. “But now I know it’s a field with endless resources.”

The ‘I Was Just Researching’ Phenomenon: A New Excuse for the Ages

With the rise of procrastination studies, a new cultural phenomenon has emerged: The excuse of “I was just researching.” This excuse has become a catch-all for anyone who’s deep in procrastination but still wants to appear productive. “Oh, you know, I wasn’t really wasting time,” says another participant. “I was just learning more about why I’m always late on deadlines. It’s a pretty niche interest, but, you know, it’s research.”

What’s really happening here is that procrastinators, armed with the latest research on procrastination, have found a way to make their delays sound respectable. If you’re reading about the psychology of procrastination, how can that be wasting time? You’re a scholar now, right?


Conclusion: The Beautiful, Never-Ending Cycle of Procrastination

In the end, we find ourselves at an impasse—stuck in the beautiful, never-ending cycle of procrastination. We procrastinate about our procrastination, which only fuels the procrastination further. So, what’s the solution? The research suggests there may not be one. And, honestly, is that such a bad thing? At least it gives us more time to read about procrastination.

So, as you sit there reading this article and avoiding whatever task you should be doing, take solace in the fact that you’re not alone. In fact, you’re part of a global research project in procrastination—and that’s basically the same thing as getting work done, right?


Disclaimer:
This article is meant to be humorous and satirical. Any actual procrastination habits that result in you reading about procrastination while not completing tasks should be addressed with a mixture of self-reflection and maybe some actual productivity. Or, you know, just another study.



 

Bohiney News -- Procrastination Study Finds Procrastination Linked to Reading Studies About Procrastination -- Satire and Alan Nafzger
Bohiney News — Procrastination Study Finds Procrastination Linked to Reading Studies About Procrastination — Satire and Alan Nafzger

 


  1. “Procrastination: The Only Thing You Can Do to Avoid Doing Anything”
    New study finds that procrastination is linked to reading studies about procrastination. So really, you could just spend hours reading about why you’re procrastinating instead of, you know, actually getting things done. Double win!
  2. “Study Finds Procrastination Is a Habit—But Don’t Worry, You Can Do It Tomorrow”
    Turns out procrastination isn’t just a bad habit—it’s practically a lifestyle. The best part? There’s no pressure. You can start tomorrow. Definitely tomorrow.
  3. “Reading About Procrastination: The Ultimate Form of Delaying the Inevitable”
    The only thing more effective at stopping you from working is reading about the many ways you’re not working. It’s like procrastination-ception!
  4. “Who Needs Productivity When You Can Read About Why You’re Not Productive?”
    A study just confirmed: procrastination is linked to reading about procrastination. So next time you’re avoiding your work, just pull up a new study and call it research. Problem solved.
  5. “Procrastinators Now Have a Scientific Excuse: ‘I Was Just Researching My Habit’”
    Forget guilt. Next time you’re lounging on the couch with your phone, claim it’s not procrastination—it’s scientific research. You’re studying why you can’t work. That’s practically productivity.
  6. “The New Study on Procrastination: A Classic Case of ‘I’ll Read This Later’”
    This new study on procrastination is basically a perfect excuse to put off reading the study itself. Because, let’s face it, it’s 2024, and reading about procrastination is a great way to… procrastinate.
  7. “Procrastination Is a Vicious Cycle: Start by Reading About It, End by Doing Absolutely Nothing”
    The study finds procrastination linked to reading about procrastination. That’s like starting a diet by reading about cupcakes and ending up with frosting on your face. It’s a vicious, delicious cycle.
  8. “Study Finds That Procrastinators Aren’t Lazy—They’re Just Studying Procrastination”
    A new study reveals procrastination isn’t about laziness. It’s about being an overachiever in the art of doing nothing. You’re not wasting time; you’re just researching your productivity problems for a future TED Talk.
  9. “When You’re Stuck in a Procrastination Loop, At Least You’re Getting Educated”
    Now you can stop feeling bad about reading about procrastination. You’re not wasting time—you’re gaining valuable knowledge about how to be unproductive! Congrats, you’re basically a procrastination scholar.
  10. “Procrastination Linked to ‘Procrastination Studies’—The Study You Can Do Later”
    There’s a study about procrastination, and guess what? It’s a perfect excuse to delay anything and everything else. “I’ll just read one more article… then I’ll get to work… eventually.”
  11. “Procrastinators Don’t Need Help—They Just Need a Study on Why They Don’t Need Help”
    Why act when you can read about the emotional and psychological underpinnings of not acting? Procrastinators don’t need a plan—they need more studies, more articles, and possibly another snack break.
  12. “Procrastination: Because Doing Nothing Is Clearly a Scientific Endeavor”
    According to new research, procrastinators are studying why they procrastinate. So, next time someone asks why you’re doing nothing, you can say, “I’m conducting important scientific research on procrastination patterns.”
  13. “The Study on Procrastination: The Ultimate Excuse for Delaying Your Delays”
    Who needs to work when there’s a fresh study that proves procrastination isn’t just inevitable, it’s actually the next big thing? After all, you have to read it before you can truly begin your productive day—right?
  14. “Being a Procrastinator Isn’t a Problem—It’s Just a Long-Term Research Project”
    With procrastination now scientifically backed, there’s no shame in putting off responsibilities. You’re not lazy, you’re just an academic in the field of “delayed action.”
  15. “Procrastination Studies: The Only Homework You’ll Ever Finish On Time”
    This study confirms what we already know: the one thing you can procrastinate on and still feel productive about is, ironically, procrastination itself. So keep reading, and when you get around to it, maybe you’ll work.
Bohiney News -- A satirical comic depicting the never-ending cycle of procrastination. In the center, a character sits at a desk surrounded by sta-- Satire and Alan Nafzger
Bohiney News — A satirical comic depicting the never-ending cycle of procrastination. In the center, a character sits at a desk surrounded by … — Satire and Alan Nafzger

By Alan Nafzger

Alan Nafzger was born in Lubbock, Texas, the son Swiss immigrants. He grew up on a dairy in Windthorst, north central Texas. He earned degrees from Midwestern State University (B.A. 1985) and Texas State University (M.A. 1987). University College Dublin (Ph.D. 1991). Dr. Nafzger has entertained and educated young people in Texas colleges for 37 years. Nafzger is best known for his dark novels and experimental screenwriting. His best know scripts to date are Lenin's Body, produced in Russia by A-Media and Sea and Sky produced in The Philippines in the Tagalog language. In 1986, Nafzger wrote the iconic feminist western novel, Gina of Quitaque. Contact: [email protected]