CBS Has Egg on Its Face as Tony Romo Is Already Floated for FOX NFL Sunday Job Network reportedly wanted out of Romo’s enormous contract, may still pay him much of

Steve Sarkisian Refuses to Execute Colin Simmons at Midfield, Sports Internet Demands Accountability Texas Longhorns Coach Disciplines Player, Wins Game, Still Fails Nation's New Requirement That Every Mistake Become a Three-Day

Texas Star Colin Simmons Condemns “Look at Me” Society After Personally Introducing 102,000 People to His Imaginary Urinal Longhorns defensive star records five sacks, one bathroom pantomime and the fastest transition

Should Terry Bradshaw Retire From FOX? Fans Debate Whether One Confused Moment Is Enough to Send a Hall of Famer Directly to the Golf Course One Question, Thirty Seconds, and Apparently

Terry Bradshaw Torches Retirement Talk With Ten Blistering Comebacks The Hall of Fame quarterback proves he can still forget a name faster than America forgets a grudge LOS ANGELES — Terry Bradshaw stood

The Left vs Arch Manning After One AI-Video Controversy, College Football Discovers the Safest Athlete Is Apparently a Piece of Load-Bearing Masonry The transformation of Arch Manning from cheerful college quarterback into

Football Fans Demand Holly Rowe Apologize for Arch Manning's Apology as America Enters Infinite Regret Loop Laura Ingraham Calls the Apology Drama "Absurd" as ESPN Reportedly Wants a Video Apology Too Football

Manning Family Politics Exposed: Investigators Notice Suspicious Number of Super Bowl Rings Manning Family Politics Cracked by Revolutionary New Political Science Method: Count Championships, Determine Party Affiliation America's long-running effort to determine

Congress Rushes to Save College Football From Terrifying Epidemic of Money and Popularity ESPN, lawmakers and the NCAA unite around America's newest endangered species: an industry with packed stadiums, enormous television

Washington Wants a Say in Texas's $50 Million Roster, and Nobody Told Washington the Number Might Be Wrong A Bipartisan Committee Now Cares More About College Football's $50 Million Roster Than

Mike Vrabel's Wife Keeps Wedding Ring On, Patriots Confirm Most Important Offseason Roster Move Is Staying Put Jen Vrabel still wearing wedding ring as NFL analysts upgrade marriage from Questionable to

Republicans Hold First-Ever Midterm Convention Because Apparently Elections Now Need a Halftime Show Trump and Vance descend on Dallas for a two-day political extravaganza in which Republicans attempt the daring electoral

Penn State Opens Joe Paterno Experience Room, Finally Gives Selective Memory Its Own Luxury Box University discovers fifteen years is roughly the statute of limitations on institutional embarrassment when kickoff is

Big Ten Announces Revolutionary New Clock Rule: Game Ends When Michigan Is Ahead Western Michigan defeats Michigan 12-7, celebrates historic upset, then learns the Big Ten apparently keeps emergency seconds in

TCU Opens Door to Transfer Portal, Alleged Locker-Room Thuggery Walks In, University Briefly Shows Newspaper the Door Horned Frogs discover modern roster management requires slightly more due diligence than asking whether

Cal Softball Lawsuit Turns Playing Time Into Dating Currency, and the Internet Immediately Reaches for the Oldest Joke It Owns A former player alleges innings were handed out based on affection,

WNBA Task Force Meets For Six Hours, Still Cannot Define Word "Woman" Or Find Consensus On Snacks NEW YORK — WNBA Commissioner Cathy Engelbert's emergency task force of team presidents and

CBS Replaces Tony Romo With J.J. Watt, Claims Moving Van Outside Romo's Office Is Temporary CBS Sports insists the arrival of a moving van outside Tony Romo's old office is purely

Tony Romo Signs $180 Million CBS Deal, Executives Discover Resentment Is Also Fully Guaranteed CBS Pays Tony Romo $180 Million to Predict Football Plays, Fails to Predict How Much It Would

Maryland Spends $85 Million Buying Preakness, Discovers Everyone Else Has Started a New Horse-Racing League State secures historic race, celebrates control of its destiny, then discovers Kentucky and New York have

Ted Cruz Attempts to Give College Sports National Rules, Discovers Senate Has Entered Overtime Republicans Demand Assurance NCAA Will Not Accidentally Receive a Backbone Transplant WASHINGTON, D.C. — Sen. Ted Cruz is

CBS Waited Years to Dump Tony Romo, Then Wisconsin Delivered the Breakup Text Every long relationship has a moment when one side stops pretending, and for CBS Sports and Tony Romo,

Network Insists Romo Decision Is About Integrity, Accidentally Leaves $72 Million Spreadsheet Open CBS Sports wants everyone to understand that its decision to place Tony Romo on indefinite leave has nothing

Tony Romo Predicts CBS's Next Play: Fake Concern, Salary Relief and J.J. Watt on First Down Tony Romo built an entire broadcasting career on predicting plays before the snap, calling blitzes,

CBS Places Tony Romo on Moral Leave After Accountants Discover $72 Million in Remaining Principles Company Finds Enormous Reserve of Untapped Integrity Hidden Inside Broadcasting Contract Tony Romo remains on leave from

CBS Discovers Drunk Driving Is Wrong Approximately Four Years Before Tony Romo's Contract Expires Executives at CBS Sports announced this week that they have discovered a firm moral position on impaired

Tony Romo Could Land Anywhere After CBS Discovers Football Knowledge Costs More Than Corporate Amnesia Network Reportedly Prepared to Defend Its Principles Until Another Broadcaster Offers Romo a Bigger Microphone, Bigger

Texas Sheriff Offers to Test Tony Romo's Jury, Guarantees Every Juror Will Fail Visiting lawman says universal police-academy standards can detect intoxication in anyone possessing knees, opinions or detectable breathing A Texas

10 Talking Points: The Free-Market Case Against Socialized Youth Soccer Broadcast-ready talking points for analysts responding to European "free soccer" arguments in the wake of Alexi Lalas's pay-to-play defense 1. "Free" is

Who Is Going to Pay for All This Free Soccer? America's New Game Plan: Taxpayers FC vs. Reality United The debate over America's youth soccer system erupted again this week after former

Local Marxist Determined To Find a Way This Was Trump's Fault, Eventually Succeeds Seattle — Belgium beat the United States 4-1 in the Round of 16 on Monday night, a scoreline

Top 10 Things That Actually Happened at Travis Kelce's Bachelor Party (Allegedly, Probably, Sort Of) Following reports that Travis Kelce's bachelor party was suspiciously well-behaved, our crack team of unreliable investigative

Travis Kelce's Bachelor Party Declared National Emergency After Nobody Wakes Up Married to a Pirate Dave Chappelle reportedly confessed he had never witnessed such an astonishing bachelor party. Not because it