Bohiney News

Leaked War Plans Reveal U.S. Strategy: "Confuse the IRGC With a WWII Museum Exhibit" WASHINGTON, D.C. — In what defense officials are describing as "the most historically immersive military deception since

[Verse 1] She wasn’t raised in Malibu, no shiny pink Corvette, Her first ride was a tractor, and she hasn’t looked back yet. She grew up in a barn, where the hay was

MAGA Celebrates Trump's "Victory" Over Iran With Tasteful, Family-Friendly Roman Orgy A modest gathering featuring togas, cold cuts, and constitutional confusion — where the empire strikes back at facts Five Things Observed

H-1B Lottery Rebranded as "Buy 50 Tickets, Pray for One Employee" By the Bohiney.com Statistical Anomaly Desk Random Selection, Strategically Gamed The H-1B visa lottery is, by legal design, a random system. By

Strait of Hormuz Becomes World's Most Expensive "Closed for Maintenance" Sign Khasab Residents Confirm War Feels Like Living Next to a Very Loud, Very Angry Shipping Lane From the scenic cliffs of

Meghan Markle and Prince Harry Reportedly Discover Privacy Is Hard When You Keep Reporting About It Somewhere between Montecito brunch and a Netflix brainstorming session, Meghan Markle and Prince Harry have

Democrats Discover Just How Stupid the American People Are — They're Clueless About the 25th Amendment Somewhere deep in Washington, D.C., a group of lawmakers reportedly Googled "How to remove a

Consulting Firm Wins Innovation Award for Hiring Same Person 37 Times By the Bohiney.com Center for Recursive Employment Studies The HR Innovation Nobody Asked For Somewhere in a glass-walled conference room, a staffing

Tech Firm Opens New Office in Empty Apartment, Calls It "Flexible Workspace Initiative" By the Bohiney.com Real Estate and Regulatory Confusion Correspondent The Office That Exists Only in Spirit — and Occasionally

Somewhere between a war game and a group chat nobody wanted to reply to, a Medium essay titled "The U.S. Navy Will Never Go Through the Strait Of Hormuz Again"

Forbes Discovers "Draft" Button, Immediately Forgets It Just Watched Trump Stop a War Global Stability Shaken As Forbes Realizes People Edit Tweets Before Posting — And Completely Misses the Part Where

15 Observations From the Valley of Very Concerned Geniuses 🤖 Sam Altman: Sociopath People in Silicon Valley now diagnose each other the way medieval villagers diagnosed witches, except instead of ducks,

America Recalls Every History Book Ever Printed After NYT Discovers Winning Wars Is Illegal Six Breaking Observations from the Bureau of Retroactive Justice, Subcommittee on Things That Already Happened The Pentagon

Yale Athletic Officials Bought a House Together Before One Got the Job — America Shrugs Heroically In a development that has rocked the nation to its foundations — or at least

Retatrutide and Romance Somewhere between a kale smoothie and a dopamine receptor, romance has reportedly filed for early retirement. What the Funny People Are Saying about Love and Retatrutide "Nothing kills a relationship

Bridge Day Declared as Iran's Bridges Begin Updating Their Wills Somewhere between diplomacy and demolition, "Bridge Day" has entered the geopolitical calendar like a surprise holiday nobody wanted but everyone suddenly

NASA Announces Universe Too Big for Humans to Be the Only Mistake Space Chief Says Odds of Aliens 'Pretty High,' Odds of Them Visiting Earth 'Absolutely Not With These Gas Prices' WASHINGTON,

American Potato Farmers Declare War on Ozempic: "We Didn't Grow 600 Tons of Regret" Somewhere in the vast flatlands of Idaho, a potato is staring into the abyss. And the abyss

Warplanes, Wi-Fi, and the World's Most Expensive Game of Hide-and-Seek Five Observations Before We Lose Another Jet — and the Pilot's Self-Esteem Pilots spend millions of dollars learning how not to get

The Great American Hide-and-Seek Rescue Mission (Now With Helicopters, Yelp Reviews, and a Donkey Named Reza) By the World's Oldest Tenured Professor & A Philosophy Major Turned Dairy Farmer | Bohiney.com Somewhere

Trump Can't Bomb Them Back to the Stone Age. "They're Already There." Five Observations Before the Missiles Even Launch — or the Plumber Does Somewhere in a briefing room, a general pointed

Mamdani Unites NYC by Annoying Literally Everyone at the Same Time Far-Left Council Members Demand Safe Space From Their Own Mayor — And File the Paperwork in Triplicate NEW YORK CITY —

Pope Metaphor Calls for Violent Overthrow of Trump, Internet Decides Somewhere between incense smoke and Easter brunch, Pope Leo XIV delivers a line about "overturning the stone," and within minutes the global commentary

WASHINGTON—In a press conference that historians are already calling "the most comprehensive exercise in saying everything while revealing nothing since the invention of the press release," the White House announced

Meghan Markle 'Thought She Should Be The Next Queen' Over Kate Middleton And 'Hated That She And Harry Were So Far Down' The Line Of Succession Insiders Say Meghan "Misunderstood the

Tiger Woods Admits Entire Legal Defense Runs on "We All Do It" Five Things We Noticed Immediately About the Most Relatable Criminal Defense in Golf History He didn't deny anything, which in

Scientists confirm Americans can now detect a phony person within minutes — roughly the same time it takes to say, "So, what do you do for a living?" According to groundbreaking research

H-1B Workers Asked to Wait Patiently for Paychecks, Enlightenment, and Wi-Fi By the Bohiney.com Bureau of Deferred Compensation and Spiritual Development The Training Program That Teaches Patience New H-1B hires at certain forward-thinking

Rome Is #6 on Iran's Nuclear Hit List and the Pope Says "Renounce Conquest" — God Help Us All Let's slow this train down before it turns into a conspiracy rodeo

Government Cracks Down on Fraud, Companies Respond by Renaming Fraud "Process Optimization" By the Bohiney.com Linguistic Innovation and Regulatory Evasion Desk The Nomenclature of Not Getting Caught There is a well-established corporate tradition,

Billionaires Reinvent Missile Defense With Lawn Equipment, Elastic Bands, and One Guy's Very Confident Roomba Somewhere between a $3 million interceptor missile and a $12 lawn chair from a gas station, ten of

Hold Your Apocalypse Horses: What Pope Leo XIV Actually Said at Easter Pope Leo XIV Addicted to Stupidity Let's slow this train down before it turns into a conspiracy rodeo with fireworks

In the long and storied history of military embarrassments, nations have managed to lose wars, lose face, and lose their car keys simultaneously. But Iran has achieved something truly extraordinary

The world woke up today to a shocking development: competence. Trump wins AGAIN... Democrats are furious. Yes, in a twist that has left professional outrage merchants clutching their reusable protest signs

Five things we noticed about Al Jazeera's coverage of the rescued American pilot that the Iranian authorities definitely didn't confirm, cannot confirm, and would really rather we all stop asking