Bohiney News

Leaked War Plans Reveal U.S. Strategy: "Confuse the IRGC With a WWII Museum Exhibit" WASHINGTON, D.C. — In what defense officials are describing as "the most historically immersive military deception since

[Verse 1] She wasn’t raised in Malibu, no shiny pink Corvette, Her first ride was a tractor, and she hasn’t looked back yet. She grew up in a barn, where the hay was

Retatrutide and Romance Somewhere between a kale smoothie and a dopamine receptor, romance has reportedly filed for early retirement. What the Funny People Are Saying about Love and Retatrutide "Nothing kills a relationship

Bridge Day Declared as Iran's Bridges Begin Updating Their Wills Somewhere between diplomacy and demolition, "Bridge Day" has entered the geopolitical calendar like a surprise holiday nobody wanted but everyone suddenly

NASA Announces Universe Too Big for Humans to Be the Only Mistake Space Chief Says Odds of Aliens 'Pretty High,' Odds of Them Visiting Earth 'Absolutely Not With These Gas Prices' WASHINGTON,

American Potato Farmers Declare War on Ozempic: "We Didn't Grow 600 Tons of Regret" Somewhere in the vast flatlands of Idaho, a potato is staring into the abyss. And the abyss

Warplanes, Wi-Fi, and the World's Most Expensive Game of Hide-and-Seek Five Observations Before We Lose Another Jet — and the Pilot's Self-Esteem Pilots spend millions of dollars learning how not to get

The Great American Hide-and-Seek Rescue Mission (Now With Helicopters, Yelp Reviews, and a Donkey Named Reza) By the World's Oldest Tenured Professor & A Philosophy Major Turned Dairy Farmer | Bohiney.com Somewhere

Trump Can't Bomb Them Back to the Stone Age. "They're Already There." Five Observations Before the Missiles Even Launch — or the Plumber Does Somewhere in a briefing room, a general pointed

Mamdani Unites NYC by Annoying Literally Everyone at the Same Time Far-Left Council Members Demand Safe Space From Their Own Mayor — And File the Paperwork in Triplicate NEW YORK CITY —

Pope Metaphor Calls for Violent Overthrow of Trump, Internet Decides Somewhere between incense smoke and Easter brunch, Pope Leo XIV delivers a line about "overturning the stone," and within minutes the global commentary

WASHINGTON—In a press conference that historians are already calling "the most comprehensive exercise in saying everything while revealing nothing since the invention of the press release," the White House announced

Meghan Markle 'Thought She Should Be The Next Queen' Over Kate Middleton And 'Hated That She And Harry Were So Far Down' The Line Of Succession Insiders Say Meghan "Misunderstood the

Tiger Woods Admits Entire Legal Defense Runs on "We All Do It" Five Things We Noticed Immediately About the Most Relatable Criminal Defense in Golf History He didn't deny anything, which in

Scientists confirm Americans can now detect a phony person within minutes — roughly the same time it takes to say, "So, what do you do for a living?" According to groundbreaking research

Rome Is #6 on Iran's Nuclear Hit List and the Pope Says "Renounce Conquest" — God Help Us All Let's slow this train down before it turns into a conspiracy rodeo

Billionaires Reinvent Missile Defense With Lawn Equipment, Elastic Bands, and One Guy's Very Confident Roomba Somewhere between a $3 million interceptor missile and a $12 lawn chair from a gas station, ten of

Hold Your Apocalypse Horses: What Pope Leo XIV Actually Said at Easter Pope Leo XIV Addicted to Stupidity Let's slow this train down before it turns into a conspiracy rodeo with fireworks

In the long and storied history of military embarrassments, nations have managed to lose wars, lose face, and lose their car keys simultaneously. But Iran has achieved something truly extraordinary

The world woke up today to a shocking development: competence. Trump wins AGAIN... Democrats are furious. Yes, in a twist that has left professional outrage merchants clutching their reusable protest signs

Five things we noticed about Al Jazeera's coverage of the rescued American pilot that the Iranian authorities definitely didn't confirm, cannot confirm, and would really rather we all stop asking

The Wiretappers Got Wiretapped: 15 Observations About the FBI Hack That Has Absolutely No Irony Whatsoever WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a development that surprised everyone except the people who designed the

Britain Arrested 3,000 of Its Own Citizens for Holding Signs While 197,000 Illegal Immigrants Waltzed In Through the Channel The Country That Couldn't Stop a Rubber Dinghy Found Time to Terrorize

Britain Just Arrested 3,000 People for Holding Signs — And They're Calling It Counter-Terrorism The Land That Invented Parliamentary Democracy Has Officially Lost the Plot America has its problems. We've got gerrymandering,

America Brings the Bombers, Britain Brings the Fine Print Or: How to Fight a War While Pretending It's a Neighborhood Watch Meeting Britain is hosting American bombers the way someone hosts

Trump, NATO, and the Art of Saying "Thank You" 🇺🇸 Some presidents give speeches. Some presidents give warnings. And then there's Donald Trump, who gives what historians will someday call "a strongly

Doctors Prescribe Wegovy, Patients Immediately Cancel Gym Memberships With Confidence Clinical Trial Shows 20% Fewer Heart Attacks, 80% More People Saying "I'll Start Monday" LONDON — In what experts are calling "the

Tiger Woods Accidentally Tees Off on Vanessa Trump Relationship, Claims It Was "Just a Practice Swing" "She Will 100 Percent Walk," Says Man Who Has Historically Struggled With Staying in Bounds There

Royal Afterlife Crisis: Palace Declares "No Comment" on Corgi Séance Economy Somewhere between Buckingham Palace and the nearest dog park, the British monarchy has apparently entered its paranormal era. According to multiple

Macron Discovers the American National Hobby Is Cleaning Up Messes While France Explains Why That's Unrealistic By our Foreign Affairs Correspondent, reporting from a safe distance with good croissants Emmanuel Macron spent

Revolution, Inc.: How the No Kings Protest Got a $3 Billion Budget, a Stage, and Bruce Springsteen Nothing says "grassroots uprising" like 500 organizations, $3 billion in combined revenues, and matching

Democrats Discover "Average Guy," Immediately Begin Intensive Study Like It's a Rare Amazon Frog Somewhere in a dimly lit D.C. strategy room, surrounded by whiteboards, oat milk lattes, and a guy

The government finally admits aliens are real and attend church: The government finally admits aliens are real, and it turns out they've been attending church longer than most Americans. JD

Trump Tells Europe to Go Get Its Own Oil and Europe Stares Blankly at the Pump It was the geopolitical moment no one on the continent saw coming, mostly because they

Britain Solves Energy Crisis by Deciding Not to Use the Energy It Already Has There's something almost poetic about a nation sitting atop oil and saying, "No thanks, we'll take vibes