Bohiney News

Iranian Dumbasses: The World's First Geopolitical Easter Egg Hunt, But With Explosives The Strait of Hormuz, Now Featuring a National Game of "Where Did We Put That?" Somewhere between military strategy

Peace Talks End, Mines Begin: World Enters Phase Known as "Oops, Where Did We Put Those?" Islamabad woke up Sunday morning to the gentle sound of diplomacy collapsing like a folding

Leaked War Plans Reveal U.S. Strategy: "Confuse the IRGC With a WWII Museum Exhibit" WASHINGTON, D.C. — In what defense officials are describing as "the most historically immersive military deception since

[Verse 1] She wasn’t raised in Malibu, no shiny pink Corvette, Her first ride was a tractor, and she hasn’t looked back yet. She grew up in a barn, where the hay was

Europe Is Building a NATO Backup Plan and It's the Most European Thing to Happen Since the EU Invented a Committee to Regulate Cheese Europe is now building a backup plan

Allbirds Becoming an “AI Compute Provider” WICHITA FALLS, TX — In a move that has stunned absolutely no one who has been paying attention to corporate America's collective mental breakdown, the

Fifteen Observations on Live Nation's "Totally Normal" Ticket Empire The Concert Was Great, the Mortgage Application for Tickets Was Even Better People used to buy tickets. Now they apply for them like

Yale's $94,000 Apology: Yale Says Sorry, Sort Of, With Footnotes Yale's Committee on Trust in Higher Education NEW HAVEN, CT — In a revelation that stunned absolutely no one except possibly the people

Britain and France Hold a Very Important Meeting About the Strait of Hormuz — Still No Boats Trump blockades Iranian ports, oil hits $100 a barrel, and America's closest allies respond

Congress Discovers the Only Thing More Dangerous Than Warrantless Surveillance Is Agreeing About It Somewhere deep in the marble labyrinth of Capitol Hill, a bipartisan group of lawmakers gathered to debate

Mayor Discovers Budget Hack: “If You Can’t Balance It, Just Borrow From Everyone’s Pension” NEW YORK CITY — In a stunning act of fiscal creativity that economists are calling “bold,” “innovative,” and

US Foreign Policy Enters Retro Phase, Reboots 1956 Suez Crisis With Updated Soundtrack and Same Ending Five Observations to Set the Scene (Before the Historians Start Weeping) America has entered what

New Study Finds 73% of 'Chinamaxxers' Just Wanted Cheaper Gadgets and Better Public Transit Global Youth Accidentally Becomes Chinese While Looking for Dumpling Recipes on TikTok The transformation, experts say, begins innocently.

NASA Announces Nuclear Rocket, Humanity Immediately Starts Packing Snacks and Mild Panic Somewhere between "let's fix potholes" and "let's build a nuclear spaceship," humanity has once again chosen the option that

The Internet Was Held Together by Duct Tape, Vibes, and One Guy Named Greg Turns out the most important piece of critical digital infrastructure on the planet wasn't fiber optic cable

OpenAI Confirms AI Now Capable of Saying 'Sorry' Without Meaning It — Scientists Declare Humanity Complete The Breakthrough That Finally Makes AI Feel Human, Which Is Not the Compliment It Sounds

OpenAI Opens London Office, Leaves £31 Billion "Stargate" Project in the Pub Bathroom Five Things Noticed Immediately by People Who Were Trying to Mind Their Own Business Londoners have accepted that

Texas Launches London Office, Immediately Sparks Transatlantic Branding Crisis "We Don't Do VAT, We Do BBQ" Meets "Please Stop Saying Y'all in Canary Wharf" LONDON—What began as a straightforward economic development strategy

Britain Announces Bold Plan to Avoid Decline by Scheduling Another Meeting About Decline Featuring tea, historical nostalgia, and a spreadsheet labeled "Empire (Do Not Open)" There comes a moment in every great

AI Chaos Explained: Charts Attempt to Calm Situation, Accidentally Make It Worse The latest effort by the MIT Technology Review to explain artificial intelligence through a series of elegant, confident charts has achieved

The Man Who Deleted Medieval Paris and Hit 'Upload New City' Georges-Eugène Haussmann Paris wasn't always the gleaming, croissant-scented postcard you've been Instagramming since 2015. Before one extremely confident bureaucrat got his

Coding Is Dead, Long Live Ice Skating: A Completely Sensible Collapse of Reality Somewhere between a hoodie-wearing teenager inventing social media in a dorm room and a billionaire tweeting from orbit,

Human Scientists Defeat AI in Complex Tasks, Immediately Ask AI to Write the Victory Speech The global scientific community gathered this week to celebrate what many are calling humanity's greatest intellectual

Anthropic Shares AI Risks With U.S. Government, Sends Europe a PowerPoint With Clip Art Five Observations From the Front Lines of Algorithmic Diplomacy Europe has mastered the art of regulating technology it

The New York Times Solves Crime by Changing the Subject Mid-Sentence 15 Humorous Observations From the Scene of Narrative Gymnastics The headline read like a yoga pose: impressive flexibility, zero contact

New York Unveils 800-Step Plan to Fix Everything, Accidentally Invents Bureaucracy 2.0 Five Observations From the Field (Where the Paperwork Lives) New York has finally solved inequality by measuring it so

Mellon Foundation Funds Trans Ideology, Accidentally Invents World's Most Expensive Group Chat Somewhere between a faculty lounge stocked with ethically sourced herbal tea and a spreadsheet labeled "Liberation Budget Q3," the

New York Leaders Solve $5.4 Billion Budget Gap by Yelling at Each Other Until Numbers Get Scared Mamdani and City Council Enter Cage Match Over Budget — Winner Gets to Blame

America's Cybersecurity Strategy Is Also Just Hoping for the Best Somewhere in a secure government lab, beneath several layers of encryption and at least one vending machine that hasn't worked since

Americans Discover 'Outside' Exists, Immediately Schedule It Between Emails and Existential Dread WASHINGTON, D.C. — In what health researchers are calling "the most preventable crisis since we collectively decided office chairs

Péter Magyar Defeats Viktor Orbán, Proves "Quitting Your Job Dramatically" Is Still the Best Career Move Five Observations From a Country That Just Rage-Quit Its Boss — And Won a Supermajority

U.S. Navy Supercarrier Breaks Record for Longest Deployment, Crew Begins Identifying as "Ocean Adjacent" "I've been on long trips, but never one where the return date is written in pencil and

France Cuts Back on Microsoft Windows, Declares 'Ctrl+Alt+Déjà Vu' Too Expensive Socialist Budget Crisis Forces Nation to Upgrade to the 'Free Version of Everything' PARIS — In a historic act of fiscal

AI QA Disaster: CEO Fires QA Team, Accidentally Invents "Everything Is Free Day" Humorous Dispatches From the Scene of a $6 Million Act of God The CEO said the AI would "streamline

Trump Debuts "Digital Divinity Strategy," Leaves Vatican Scrambling for Wi-Fi Published April 13, 2026 — Orthodox Easter Sunday. Timing is everything. In what insiders are calling the boldest rebrand since water became

Tiger Woods and the Ghastly Underbelly of Golf: A Calm, Respectable Sport That Somehow Requires Two Mobiles and a Crisis Manager on Speed Dial Five Understated Observations from the Fairway —

Trump vs. Pope Leo XIV: Blessed Are the… Tactical Peacemakers 🙏🥊 Beatitudes… but with elbows. Let's set the stage like a Sunday sermon that accidentally wandered into a cage fight. There is a