Democrats ask why winning Congress feels like a punishment WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump has responded to a devastating Republican midterm election defeat by appointing Stephen Miller as his new

Defeating enemies proves easier than paying the defense contractors JERUSALEM, Israel — After more than three years of military conflict, Israel's government has discovered that maintaining an advanced military is financially

Million-dollar attorneys explain why their clients don't make money WASHINGTON, D.C. — America's nonprofit industry has responded to the possibility of losing federal tax exemptions in the traditional Washington manner: by

Canada in Crisis: Bear Rampage Prompts Urgent Plea to Trump for Statehood In an utterly bear‑y Canadian night of terror, Canada’s federal government has reportedly submitted a formal request for U.S. statehood

15 Observations About Trump's "Build Your Own Power Plant" AI Plan ⚡🤖 The Silicon Valley DIY Energy Kit Tech CEOs were reportedly thrilled with the idea of building their own power plants,

White House Denies Chaos: "Everything's Fine, Just the Constitution Screaming in the Corner" Calm Amidst the Screaming In a press briefing described by journalists as "equal parts drama, improv theater, and passive-aggressive

Guardian Horrified as Trump Does One Progressive Thing Without Asking Permission Editorial Board Enters Existential Crisis Over Cannabis Reclassification The Guardian editorial board reportedly entered a state of existential distress Thursday after

Trump’s Military Parade to Feature Gold Tanks, MAGA Sousa, and Pyrotechnic Self-Esteem President Trump’s proposed military parade in Washington, D.C., scheduled for June 14, 2025, coincides with his 79th birthday and

Trump’s Mega-Prison Deal: America’s Newest Export Is… Inmates? If you thought flying coach was bad, imagine a one-way ticket to La Mega-Prisión In a groundbreaking geopolitical move that no one saw coming—except

Fox News Launches New Segment: “Woke or Possessed?” Byline: SpinTaxi’s Spiritual Warfare Correspondent, Broadcasting from a Prayer Tent in Secaucus Fair, Balanced, and Now Featuring Exorcisms In its latest attempt to keep ratings

Why Did Senators Oppose Matt Gaetz and Demand He NOT Target Political Adversaries Like Liz Cheney, MSNBC, or Anthony Fauci? Gaetz’s DOJ Promise: No Fauci Arrests, Stormtroopers, or MSNBC Raids—At Least

Wichita Falls Without Falls: City Closes Its Only Claim to Fame By Tinsel Vandergraph – Bohiney.com Wichita Falls, TX — The city of Wichita Falls announced Monday that its man-made waterfall—the one

California Desperately Begs Oil Companies to Stay After Spending Years Telling Them to Leave The Golden State's Most Awkward Relationship Status Update California's relationship with Big Oil has officially entered its "it's

Politicians vs. Cockroaches: A Battle of Uselessness Wins Public's Disgust New Study Shows Politicians Have the Same Approval Rating as Cockroaches, But Less Useful Capitol Steps and Dark Alleys, DC -- In

Brianna Keilar vs. The Internet: When 11% of Humanity Gets Triggered by a Journalist Keilar's Crime? Journalism. The Punishment? An Internet Lynching In the grand tradition of the internet eating its own

Texas Republicans Warn Against Sharia Courts, Discover Texans Already Avoid Jury Duty At All Costs Texas politics occasionally resembles a county fair debate moderated by a malfunctioning leaf blower. Everyone is

Fifteen Observations on Live Nation's "Totally Normal" Ticket Empire The Concert Was Great, the Mortgage Application for Tickets Was Even Better People used to buy tickets. Now they apply for them like

School Board Votes to Teach Students Only What They Already Know By Annika Steinmann | Bohiney.com In an educational revolution—or spectacular regression, depending on your philosophical perspective about learning—a progressive local school

Recess Banned at Charter School After Kids Use It for Startups At Silicon Grove Charter Academy, recess was once a sacred time for tag, jump rope, and covert Pokémon trading. That

Presidential Carpool Chaos: Biden, Trump, and Klobuchar’s Limo Diplomacy Biden, Trump, and Klobuchar in the same limo? That’s not a carpool, that’s a hostage situation where everyone thinks they’re in charge!

Government Shutdown Declared 'Necessary Nap' by Congress; Says They'll Return After Snack Time By Darla Freedom-Pie Magsen | Bohiney Magazine Washington D.C.—In what experts are calling "a collective timeout for overgrown children,"

Homeowners Association Bans 'Non-Conformist' Lawn Decorations, Including Gnomes and Free Spirits Suburban Wars Escalate as Board of Directors Declares Whimsy "Aesthetically Unacceptable" In a move that has transformed quiet suburban streets into

Map of Greater Aztlán (and Where the Revolution Ran Out of Gas) By Staff Writers at SpinTaxi Satirical Cartography Division LOS ANGELES, JUNE 2025 — Activists supporting the so-called “Aztlán Movement” have

Narco-Terrorist Operation Spearheaded from South — Apparently It's Not Just the Weather That's Getting Hot The Pentagon has announced a massive narco-terrorist operation spearheaded from the southern border, explaining that "things are heating

Polls Don't Change Minds, They Just Start Fights: The Psychology of Political Surveys By Coed Cherry, Bohiney Magazine Why Polls Provoke Instead of Persuade Ultimately, polls don't persuade—they provoke. Like a toddler yelling

TSA PreCheck Exists Because Regular Airport Security Has Become Ritually Humiliating Enough to Pay to Escape Nation's Air Travelers Discover That Paying $85 to Skip the Line They Created by Having

So let's break down the monarchy's "usefulness" with cold, hard satire and the sort of evidence that makes historians and bored Twitter philosophers nod sagely while sipping their third flat

Fired, Paid, and Proud: Brian Kelly's $54 Million LSU Golden Parachute When Brian Kelly was handed his marching orders by LSU this week, fans of college football collectively gasped, shook their

The Darkening Skies Over Europe’s Economy: The Grand Socialist Buffet: All You Can Eat Until the Food Runs Out Believing socialism will meet all your needs is like trusting a vending

15 Observations on the Elon Musk and Grimes Saga The AI Romance: They met over a shared joke about Roko’s Basilisk, proving that nothing says “soulmates” like existential threats from hypothetical

Adult Friendship Crisis: "I've Studied This for 10 Years," Says Expert Whose Last Text Got a Thumbs-Up Emoji and Nothing Else America's leading friendship researchers announced this week that making friends

Florida Man Now Legally Recognized as Its Own Weather System Storm Warnings Issued Every Time He Shops at Bass Pro National Weather Service Creates New Category for "Anthropological Meteorological Events" In a groundbreaking

“Did I Name Them That?”: The Sitcom Generation’s Cry for Help By Sasha Knuckles, Senior Trauma Humorist, SpinTaxi Magazine INTRODUCTION: LAUGH TRACKS AND LIFE SENTENCES In the booming sitcom era of the 70s,