Officials Celebrate Smaller Class Sizes by Eliminating the Classrooms SACRAMENTO, California - American public education has achieved a remarkable breakthrough in reducing class sizes by closing the schools in which the

WASHINGTON — America has discovered an efficient method of educating children: close the school, lengthen the bus ride and let the driver explain fractions while attempting a left turn. A

Free education still needs somebody else's money HOUSTON, Texas - Texas voters delivered a devastating blow to progressive economic theory by electing Democrats while simultaneously rejecting most proposed school tax increases

School Board Votes to Teach Students Only What They Already Know By Annika Steinmann | Bohiney.com In an educational revolution—or spectacular regression, depending on your philosophical perspective about learning—a progressive local school

Climate Change: Global Warming Says ‘Don’t Sweat It’ as the World Reaches for Sunscreen! Miami, FL — In a world where the weather forecast feels more like a warning than a

Brown University Police Chief Placed on Leave as Institution Searches for Correct Tone Tragedy Followed by Committees, Statements, and Strategic Silence Brown University placed its police chief on leave this week following

Student Visas, Social Media, and the Great American Paranoia Test: Your Passport to Freedom (or Just TikTok Surveillance) Welcome to the United States of Algorithmic Anxiety In the latest plot twist from

Rubens Restoration: The Herculean Task of Fixing a 400-Year-Old Masterpiece The Virgin and Child Enthroned Adored by Eight Saints Baroque, Biceps, and Back Pain: Restoring Rubens One Brushstroke at a Time ANTWERP—Deep inside

Harvard Terror Camp Scandal Rocks Elite Academia, Trump Declares “Academic Jihad Emergency” By Rhonda Liberté | National Absurdity Correspondent | July 21, 2025 BOSTON — In a federal courtroom that smelled faintly

Elite College Sticker Shock: How Higher Education Became a Pricey Mirage Luxury Learning at Discount Prices In a shocking revelation that has rocked the world of academia and overpriced lattes, it turns

History Textbooks Declare Independence from Facts, Demand Emotional Support Chapter America's schoolbooks file for creative freedom, citing emotional burnout, unrealistic accuracy standards, and constant fact-checking abuse By Bohiney Magazine Staff | October 27,

Mysterious Book Invasion Turns Baltimore Into Unlikely Literary Battlefield as Unknown Text Floods Every Doorstep Mass Distribution Campaign Leaves City Drowning in Unsolicited Reading Material Baltimore residents thought they had problems when

Letitia James Schedules Cornell Trial for Christmas Before Reading Evidence, Says Santa Already Has a List New York unveils revolutionary North Pole prosecution model in which evidence will be reviewed during

Misokinesia: The Hidden Rage Behind Every Tap, Flick, and Chew The Silent Torture of Small Movements and How It’s Slowly Driving Us Crazy In a world where we often talk about major

Harvard Professor Resigns, Discovers Consequences Were Not a Theoretical Concept After All Cambridge, Massachusetts woke up this week to a sound it has not heard in years: accountability clearing its throat

Eusexua Takes Over Electra, Texas The Town That Danced Its Way to Enlightenment Electra, TX – The people of Electra, a tiny Texas town best known for cattle ranching, oil wells, and

Former Warren Volunteer Attends Ayatollah's Funeral After Discovering American Freedom Wasn't Oppressive Enough Privileged progressive travels to Iran to praise the sort of government that would arrest privileged progressives BOHINEY NEWS SERVICE

Congress Votes to Ban the Phrase "Lessons from the Past" Pending Further Review Bipartisan Historical Amnesia Restoration Act passes 312-123, replaces learning with "vibes from yesterday" By Bohiney Magazine Staff | October 27,

Stock Market Surges After Investors Realize They Have No Idea What They’re Doing Stock Market Surges After Investors Realize They Have No Idea What They’re Doing New York, NY — In a

America's Literary Elite Announce 15 Literary Masterpieces Every American Must Read (According to Ivy League Book Committees) The Nation's Cultural Gatekeepers Have Spoken: These Books Will Make You Intellectually Superior (Results

Poisoned Ivies: America Discovers Elite Universities Have Been Majoring in Nonsense The Ivy League now costs so much that students expect not just an education, but a personal moral concierge. Universities claim

Historians Wipe Biden’s Legacy Clean Trump Declared 45th, 46th, and 47th President of the USA By Victoria Revisionist, Historical Correspondent WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a move that has upended American history as we know it,

American Parents Now Spending College Tuition Money on Youth Soccer Cleats for Eight-Year-Olds Nation's Travel Sports Industrial Complex Turns Saturday Mornings Into High-Stakes Tournaments Held in Cities Three Hours Away for

Fitted Sheets -- The Elastic Corners Are Nature’s Revenge Fitted Sheets:  A Tangle That Defies Logic By Lin En Closet, Domestic Mysteries Correspondent ST. PAUL, MN—In a revelation that shocked absolutely no one,

Football Fans Demand Holly Rowe Apologize for Arch Manning's Apology as America Enters Infinite Regret Loop Laura Ingraham Calls the Apology Drama "Absurd" as ESPN Reportedly Wants a Video Apology Too Football

Teen Digital Escape Artists: How Generation Z Turned Facebook Bans Into a Game of Whack-a-Mole Australia's Social Media Crackdown Meets the Internet's Most Creative Workaround Experts When Australia announced its under-16 social media

The Great Columbia Library Liberation: A Saga of Revolutionary Cosplay Once in a generation, a movement rises that reshapes the very fabric of history. Martin Luther King Jr. had the March

When Noam Chomsky and Larry Summers Text: Epstein’s Elite Book Club Gets Weird Imagine Jeffrey Epstein, reclining in his private jet, sipping something ambiguous, sending emails that mix jazz invites, geopolitical

The Faculty Now Gets Caught Cutting the Same Corners as the Freshmen. HANOVER, New Hampshire — Dartmouth College's provost has resigned after a faculty review found that his use and disclosure

Texas A&M Confirms Gravity Course Not Required for Freshmen After 17-Story Physics Demonstration Goes Horribly Wrong AUSTIN, TX — In a stunning admission that has rocked the academic world, Texas A&M University officials

Are All Marxists Mentally Ill? Researchers Confirm Some Are Merely Tenured New study finds revolutionary politics is not a psychiatric disorder, although reading 900 pages of Das Kapital without being assigned

Summer Retreat: Academia, Public Life, and Social Media Drama Larry Summers Steps Back Amid Epstein File Fallout and Social Media Chatter Economist Larry Summers announced that he is "stepping back" from public

Decade Of Grade Inflation Ends When Employers Discover Difference Between An A And Actual Competence Human Resources Departments Request Immediate Federal Assistance WASHINGTON, D.C. -- America's universities entered full crisis mode this