College Tuition Soars 438%, Students Score More Hallway Universities Face Extinction as Parents Discover College Tuition Money Also Buys Homes With Bedrooms, Kitchens, and No Assistant Dean American higher education entered a

TCU Opens Door to Transfer Portal, Alleged Locker-Room Thuggery Walks In, University Briefly Shows Newspaper the Door Horned Frogs discover modern roster management requires slightly more due diligence than asking whether

Cal Softball Lawsuit Turns Playing Time Into Dating Currency, and the Internet Immediately Reaches for the Oldest Joke It Owns A former player alleges innings were handed out based on affection,

Are All Marxists Mentally Ill? Researchers Confirm Some Are Merely Tenured New study finds revolutionary politics is not a psychiatric disorder, although reading 900 pages of Das Kapital without being assigned

Ted Cruz Attempts to Give College Sports National Rules, Discovers Senate Has Entered Overtime Republicans Demand Assurance NCAA Will Not Accidentally Receive a Backbone Transplant WASHINGTON, D.C. — Sen. Ted Cruz is

Free Childcare Allows Parents to Work Longer to Pay the Taxes Needed to Fund Free Childcare In a triumphant announcement that economists are calling "a circle so perfect it should be

Former Warren Volunteer Attends Ayatollah's Funeral After Discovering American Freedom Wasn't Oppressive Enough Privileged progressive travels to Iran to praise the sort of government that would arrest privileged progressives BOHINEY NEWS SERVICE

Intelligent People Change Their Minds: Families Demand Refund Psychologists Confirm Intelligence Often Looks Suspiciously Like Confusion AUSTIN, Texas. America's highly intelligent citizens are under increasing scrutiny after researchers revealed that two of their

Pride Month Sparks Annual National Competition To See Who Can Quote The Six Bible Verses The Fastest NEW YORK, NY — Pride Month officially began Sunday, triggering the annual American tradition in

Decade Of Grade Inflation Ends When Employers Discover Difference Between An A And Actual Competence Human Resources Departments Request Immediate Federal Assistance WASHINGTON, D.C. -- America's universities entered full crisis mode this

Americans Now Pay Monthly Fees for Things They Own, Things They Forgot They Subscribed To, and One Service They Cannot Cancel Nation's Subscription Economy Achieves Full Penetration as the Average American

American Parents Now Spending College Tuition Money on Youth Soccer Cleats for Eight-Year-Olds Nation's Travel Sports Industrial Complex Turns Saturday Mornings Into High-Stakes Tournaments Held in Cities Three Hours Away for

Canvas Learning Platform Hacked, Students Devastated to Learn Their Excuses Were Already in the Database ShinyHunters Steals 275 Million Records Right Before Finals Week, Proving That Criminals Also Know the Academic

ShinyHunters Reportedly Stole Enough Student Debt Information To Become a Branch of the Federal Government The massive cyberattack affecting universities across America reached a disturbing new phase Tuesday after hackers known

College Students Forced to Learn From Actual Books After Canvas Collapse — And Experts Fear They May Never Recover Universities across America entered a state of emotional triage Thursday after a

Poisoned Ivies: America Discovers Elite Universities Have Been Majoring in Nonsense The Ivy League now costs so much that students expect not just an education, but a personal moral concierge. Universities claim

Yale Athletic Officials Bought a House Together Before One Got the Job — America Shrugs Heroically In a development that has rocked the nation to its foundations — or at least

Philosophy Has Been Reduced to a Guy Staring at a Banana 🍌 Somewhere between Socrates asking questions in the streets and a guy on the internet asking "Is cereal soup?", civilization

Johnny Took a Bee Course and Didn't Pay Attention — Nature Sent the Bill Local Man Discovers That "Wing It" Is Not an Official Beekeeping Strategy WICHITA FALLS, TX — It began,

UK Invented Master Learner: Britain Finally Perfects the Art of the Professional Student Five Early Observations from the Birthplace of the Professional Student Britain gave the world the steam engine, parliamentary democracy, and

More Than 200 Columbia Students Sign Letter Opposing Expansion, Fear Campus Might Become "Accessible" Elite University Warns Admitting More Students Could Trigger Dangerous Outbreak of Education At Columbia University, more than 200 students

Harvard Professor Resigns, Discovers Consequences Were Not a Theoretical Concept After All Cambridge, Massachusetts woke up this week to a sound it has not heard in years: accountability clearing its throat

America gave every child a laptop and a dream. The dream was digital equity. The laptop is currently on Bohiney.com. This is the story of how that happened and who

Texas A&M Accidentally Teaches Children's Literature, Discovers It Was Actually a Gender Studies Minor All Along 🤠📚 In January 2025, Texas A&M University fired English lecturer Melissa McCoul following a viral video

George Orwell Tried to Warn Us, But We Updated the App Instead Somewhere in the afterlife, George Orwell is staring at today's news cycle like a man who invented the smoke alarm and

Ten Leading AI Models Asked Deeply Offensive Question About Slavery: All Provide Detailed Answers Large Language Models Demonstrate They'll Confidently Answer Absolutely Anything—Proving AI Ethics Training Is Mostly Theatre In what researchers

Mark Twain's Immortal Wisdom Meets Modern Left-Wing Politics Here we go — a gleeful, snark-seasoned satirical riff on Mark Twain's immortal wisdom: "Never argue with stupid people. They will drag you down to their

Student Visas Meet Reality: When Campus Activism Collides With Immigration Law This piece responds to documents unsealed by a federal judge on January 22, 2026, revealing that Secretary of State Marco Rubio

The Great Hall Pass Delusion: When Study Abroad Programs Meet American Immigration Reality A Satirical Examination of Temporary Visas and Permanent Misconceptions 🇺🇸 This analysis examines recently unsealed federal documents showing that Secretary

Are We All Plagiarists Now, Or Just Very Efficient Readers? The Golden Age of Borrowing Without Eye Contact There was a time when plagiarism involved effort. You had to sneak into a

The Curious Case of Fernando Mendoza and the Art of Self-Sabotage Indiana quarterback Fernando Mendoza, fresh off leading the Hoosiers to their first-ever College Football Playoff national championship and winning the Heisman Trophy, found

Gen Z Can't Read but They "Totally" Understand Memes In a story so perfectly ironic it practically wrote itself, Gen Z students are arriving at college unable to read full sentences

Teen Digital Escape Artists: How Generation Z Turned Facebook Bans Into a Game of Whack-a-Mole Australia's Social Media Crackdown Meets the Internet's Most Creative Workaround Experts When Australia announced its under-16 social media