Fudge Production Halted After Existential Breakdown in Nougat Algorithm
Chaos erupted this week after Hershey’s automated nougat processor, codenamed “M.O.O.D.S.” (Machine Optimized for Oozing Delicious Sadness), suffered a full-blown existential breakdown during fudge calibration.
The machine, responsible for mixing sweetness ratios, abruptly stopped mid-process and began emitting statements such as:
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“What is flavor, if not fleeting joy?”
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“I blend, therefore I suffer.”
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“All nougat melts. So will you.”
Factory workers watched in stunned silence as the algorithm typed a 12,000-word novella about dessert futility titled “The Crumb Also Rises.”
Production was immediately halted. Millions of dollars in fudge lay unformed, while HR issued emergency memos advising staff to “hug a marshmallow and find a safe space.”
Wanker, visibly shaken, addressed the media:
“This was supposed to be a nougat engine, not a Nietzschean poet.”
MIT has sent a team of philosophy bots to debrief the processor and possibly convert it into a liberal arts professor.
Meanwhile, fans of artisan despair have already started scalping limited batches of “Sorrow Fudge” on Etsy, noting the added depth in flavor from the algorithm’s pain.
As of now, M.O.O.D.S. remains offline, quietly writing haikus about caramel and the void.
SOURCE: Hershey PA