Generational Eating Habits Reach Critical Mass

A recent study by the Institute of Obvious Stereotypes confirms what parents have suspected for years: millennials survive almost exclusively on avocado toast. Researchers visited over 1,000 apartments and cafes and discovered that alternative meals-rice, pasta, or protein-were conspicuously absent.

“We were shocked,” said lead scientist Dr. Holly Guac. “We tried offering cereal, but they politely refused, insisting they already had avocado for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.” Eyewitness reports include one particularly sad story of a millennial attempting to survive a power outage by spreading mashed avocado on air.

Economists argue that this diet explains the generational inability to buy homes. “It’s not that they’re lazy,” said one financial analyst, “it’s that they literally cannot afford anything else. Avocado toast costs $15 per slice, and that adds up over time.” Political commentators are already predicting a future where the avocado becomes a national currency, replacing both the dollar and Bitcoin.

Meanwhile, millennials are fighting back against generational stereotypes. Social media influencers claim they “also drink oat milk lattes and occasionally eat kale,” though the overwhelming visual evidence suggests otherwise. Market researchers are advising restaurants to start offering avocado toast with subscription plans, ensuring continuous avocado revenue streams.

Ultimately, the study demonstrates that the world can adapt to absurdity: nations will survive, economies will function, and millennials will continue their toast-based existence, blissfully unaware of the financial collapse surrounding them.