The Alien with a Porch Light: White House Hails “Cosmic Neighborliness” as 3I/ATLAS Pilot Waves at Hubble Dateline: Houston, Washington, and the Half-Lit Edge of Reality It started with a hand. Not

America Logs On: Nation Officially Declares Tweets Funnier Than Church, Therapy, and Stand-Up Comedy By: Lucinda Barkwit, Associate Editor of Emoji Ethics & Digital Sarcasm, Bohiney Magazine May 30, 2025 — Everywhere

Amy Schumer Renounces Napping After Regretting 'I'm Tired' Breakup Line From Sleep Queen to Hustle Goddess: The Amy Schumer Redemption Tour Amy Schumer has officially declared war on sleep. After realizing that

Democrats Caught Whispering “Please Let Iran Retaliate” Into Hot Mics, Emails, and Each Other’s Lattes In a Stunning Series of Leaks, Top Democrats Are Allegedly Praying for Iranian Retaliation—Just So They

Gwyneth Paltrow's Goopocalypse: How One Woman’s Vagina Candle Lit the Fuse on Western Civilization  The Aromatic Empire Strikes Back Gwyneth Paltrow’s lifestyle brand Goop—an empire built on aromatherapeutic self-worship, jade eggs, and

German Chancellor Scholz Defends State-Sponsored Comfort, Rebukes JD Vance’s Dangerous Call for Responsibility In a spirited address at the Munich Security Conference, German Chancellor Olaf Scholz fired back at U.S. Vice

Scientists Warn That Climate Change Could Make Summer Slightly Less Miserable By Ingrid Falk, Bohiney Magazine In what might be the most depressing silver lining ever discovered, climate scientists at NASA have

Pete Davidson’s 18 Tattoos He Refuses to Burn Off: A Commitment to Bad Decisions America’s Most Inked Ex-Boyfriend Clings to His ‘Worst’ Tattoos BROOKLYN— After undergoing extensive tattoo removal to erase past

When Tinseltown Tries to "Help" the Past… and Makes It Worse History is messy. It's complicated. It contains a lot of colonialism, genocide, and powdered wigs saying very problematic things. So

The Four-Letter Word That Can Deepen Any Couple’s Love (And No, It’s Not ‘Wine’) Psychologists Say “WAIT” Is the Secret to Relationship Success. Couples Everywhere Say, “Yeah, We’ll Get Around to

Ink-Redible Moments in Human Regret Tattoo Artists Who Went Too Far and Society Applauded By the staff ink-stained misfits of Bohiney Magazine Tattoo artists who went too far have officially become philosophers with

Minnesota Sued for Being Too Nice — DOJ Demands It Stop Offering Comfort and Sanctuary By Ingrid Falk | Bohiney Magazine The Department of Justice filed an unprecedented lawsuit today accusing Minnesota of "weaponizing

L.A. Yoga Studios Vote to Secede from City, Form “United States of Namaste” Peace, Love, and Passive-Aggressive Zoning Laws LOS ANGELES — In a stunning act of stretch-based secession, over 300 yoga