The Government Will Have No Idea How to Regulate This
The government is still confused about weed. Imagine them trying to figure out what to do with cloud-shaped super-mushrooms.
Congress will hold a six-hour debate just to figure out if a mushroom can be classified as a cloud or a vegetable.
“The FDA will approve it in 2075—right after they finally figure out how to regulate vaping.”
The Government Will Have No Idea How to Regulate This
The U.S. government can barely regulate the things we already understand. Alcohol? Took them 13 years to figure out banning it was a mistake. Cannabis? Still debating whether it’s a gateway drug or just a way to make Trader Joe’s a billion-dollar empire. Now we’re throwing mutant cloud-shaped psychedelic mushrooms into the mix? Oh, we’re in for a show.
Let’s be real—if you walked into Congress right now and tried to explain the Snowball mushroom, half the room would think it’s a winter sports drink, and the other half would assume it’s a new street name for fentanyl. Meanwhile, one senator from Kentucky would swear it’s a Chinese spy fungus and demand military intervention.
The Debate on Whether It’s a Cloud, a Vegetable, or a New Religion
Regulating this mushroom is going to take years. Why? Because our government debates everything like they’re in a dysfunctional book club.
First, they’ll waste months trying to decide what to even call it. Is it a mushroom? A plant? A recreational weather pattern? If it looks like a cloud, can it be taxed under weather regulations? Should the FAA get involved?
There will be senate hearings where a guy in a lab coat tries to explain that it’s a genetically engineered fungus, while a 78-year-old politician from Alabama insists “Well if it looks like a cloud, it’s God’s way of tellin’ us to stay off drugs!”
The debate will spiral completely off course:
- “If a cloud can get you high, should we be worried about airplanes flying through them?”
- “Should we tax the sky now?”
- “What if my grandson eats one and thinks he’s the moon?!”
Meanwhile, the entire state of Oregon will just go ahead and legalize it before the meeting even ends.
The FDA Will Approve It in 2075, Right After They Figure Out Vaping
If you think the FDA will be quick about this, I’d like to remind you: these are the same people who took DECADES to decide if vaping was safer than cigarettes. Spoiler: They still don’t know.
So now we’re expecting them to make sense of a psychedelic mushroom that looks like a weather phenomenon? Oh, buckle up.
First, they’ll declare it a “Schedule I drug”—which is just government-speak for “We don’t understand it, so we’re banning it.” Then, after forty years of clinical studies and a public outcry from hippies in Colorado, they’ll finally say, “Okay, it’s legal… but only for research, and only if you’re a scientist named Chad.”
By the time the FDA finally approves it, half of Congress will have been replaced by AI senators and the only people still waiting will be millennials in nursing homes, trying to microdose for their arthritis.
We’re All Just Waiting on Bureaucracy
The real reason the government struggles to regulate things like this? They are deeply uncool. These are people who still print emails and call Facebook “The Facebook.” They think a TikTok is the sound a clock makes.
So expecting them to quickly regulate a psychedelic cloud-mushroom? Good luck. We’ll probably have flying cars before this thing is legal.
The Mushroom That Took Longer to Develop Than a College Degree
It took two and a half years and thousands of petri dishes to create this mutant mushroom. That means while some people were earning Ph.D.s, this guy was staring at fungi whispering, “Grow, my precious.” Imagine explaining this to your parents: “I didn’t get a real job, but I did convince a mushroom to look like a cloud.” Scientists say they weren’t even trying to make it more psychedelic—just fluffier. Because if there’s one thing hallucinogenic drugs were lacking, it’s cuddliness.
“They spent years making a mushroom look like a snowball. Meanwhile, I can’t keep a chia pet alive.”
The First Hallucinogen With an Emotional Support Feature
These mushrooms turn blue when bruised—which means this fungus is more emotionally available than your ex. So now, not only do you get a psychedelic trip, but you also have to feel bad about hurting a mushroom’s feelings.
Can you imagine tripping on this thing? “Dude, my mushroom just turned blue. Did I say something wrong?”
This is the first hallucinogen that comes with guilt. Soon, we’ll have therapy mushrooms that give you flashbacks of your childhood while playing sad violin music.
“I love how we’re engineering mushrooms to be more fragile than my self-esteem.”
The Most Passive-Aggressive Fungus Ever
The Snowball doesn’t just change color—it passive-aggressively lets you know you messed up. It’s like the grandma of the psychedelic world: “Oh, I suppose you can handle me any way you want… I’ll just sit here turning blue, thinking about how I don’t matter.”
“This mushroom gets more dramatic than my aunt when I forget to call her on her birthday.”
It’s only a matter of time before scientists develop mushrooms that sigh loudly and say, “No, no, I’m fine… just go on with your life.”
This Mushroom Thinks It’s a Cloud
The scientist who created this said looking at the Snowball is like “staring out of a plane window at clouds.” If that’s what you wanted, buddy, just buy a window seat.
This isn’t a mushroom—it’s a white, fluffy existential crisis. It just sits there, making you question reality, and suddenly your fridge is talking back.
“This mushroom doesn’t just make you trip—it questions why you ever lived sober.”
They Weren’t Even Trying to Make It More Psychedelic
Scientists say they weren’t even trying to make this mushroom trippier—it just happened. That’s like saying “We weren’t trying to get drunk, we were just testing the vodka.”
It was meant to be a visual experiment, but oops—it also just happens to warp the fabric of time and reality.
“They accidentally made it more powerful. Meanwhile, I accidentally ate 14 Oreos when I only meant to have one.”
“It’s Not for Sale… But It Totally Is”
The company says they don’t sell mushrooms, only spores. Right. That’s like a bar saying, “We don’t sell alcohol, we just give you the ingredients and a shot glass.”
You just KNOW there’s already some guy in Colorado growing these in his basement, calling it “Yetis’ Delight.”
“Saying you sell spores but not mushrooms is like saying you give out free puppies but only to ‘responsible’ people.”
Mushroom Science Has Gone Full Mad Scientist
This scientist was working on a mushroom called “Penis Envy” before discovering the Snowball mutation. So basically, this entire experiment was one long, psychedelic Freudian slip.
“Imagine explaining to your grandma that your life’s work involves a mushroom called Penis Envy.”
“These Mushrooms Are for Scientific Purposes Only”
The company claims it partners with overseas researchers and medical studies. Translation: “We send it to Europe and hope nothing fun happens.”
Because you KNOW somewhere, there’s a guy in Amsterdam staring at a Snowball mushroom saying, “I can see sound now.”
“Overseas labs are just code for ‘We sent it to some guy named Bjorn who promised not to have too much fun with it.'”
The Snowball Could Shape the Future of Medicine
They say mushrooms like this could change medicine, food, and textiles. So basically, we might soon be wearing trippy mushrooms instead of just eating them.
“One day, we’ll all be rocking mushroom leather jackets that tell us their life stories when we touch them.”
The Snowball Was Created by an Actual Fungi Whisperer
The guy behind this spent YEARS perfecting it. You know you’re deep in the mushroom game when you spend two birthdays waiting for a fungus to change shape.
“While he was perfecting a mushroom, I spent two years perfecting my ability to avoid work emails.”
The Future of Mushrooms? Psychedelic Yoga?
Imagine walking into a yoga class and the instructor says, “Before we begin, let’s microdose this mushroom that looks like heaven.”
The only downside? Forgetting which parts of the session are real.
“Mushroom yoga—because sometimes downward dog needs to involve actual talking dogs.”
A Mushroom That Could Solve the World’s Problems… Or Create New Ones
Scientists say mushrooms could hold the key to solving hunger and mental health issues. But let’s be real—this will mostly be used by college kids trying to become one with their dorm carpet.
“We could use mushrooms for medicine, but I bet some dude in Oregon is just using them to ‘talk’ to his pet lizard.”
This Mushroom Probably Knows More About Science Than We Do
If we keep messing with mushrooms, they’re going to evolve into something smarter than us.
One day we’ll see a headline that says, “Mushroom Develops Cure for Cancer, Refuses to Share.”
“Mushrooms will outlive us all. We’re just making them self-aware at this point.”
If This Mushroom Takes Over the World, We Had It Coming
At this rate, mushrooms will be running society by 2050. And honestly, they might do a better job.
“In the future, elections won’t be Democrat vs. Republican. It’ll be humans vs. fungi.”
10 Extra Standup One-Liners
- Scientists accidentally made this mushroom more psychedelic—just like my aunt accidentally makes her cocktails “strong.”
- Snowball mushrooms? I prefer my psychedelics shaped like something I can respect—like a dinosaur.
- They claim it’s not meant for tripping. Sure, just like tequila isn’t meant for bad decisions.
- This mushroom is so fluffy, it probably deserves its own emotional support animal.
- If this keeps up, mushrooms will replace therapy. “Doctor, I don’t need meds—I need my Snowball.”
- It turns blue when bruised? Great, now even fungi have feelings.
- The scientist behind this probably says, “I didn’t make drugs, I made art.”
- The government will regulate this by 2090, long after my grandma has tried it.
- I can’t even get a plant to survive. This guy made a mutant psychedelic cloud.
- If mushrooms start thinking, they’ll unionize and demand better living conditions.
