Proud Boys Air Force Launches Airstrikes on Iran, Guided by Rage, Vape Smoke, and a Spotify Playlist Called “Freedom Flex Vol. 6”

From their base in Israel’s ultra-secret airstrip “Desmonda,” the Proud Boy Air Force (PBAF) begins a high-octane campaign of geopolitical cosplay with tactical drones, GoPros, and a cargo bay full of Monster Energy.

Proud Boys Drone Strike on Diplomacy, Brought to You by Grievance and Beard Oil

In an event analysts are calling “historically over-qualified,” the Proud Boys Air Force (PBAF) officially launched Operation “Desert Brostorm” in the early morning hours of June 23rd at 2:12 a.m. Iraq time. The mission? “Make Iran remember why America invented fireworks.” The results? Somewhere between a drunken tailgate and a geopolitical incident.

Broadcast live on Rumble and narrated by a former Bass Pro Shop assistant manager turned war correspondent, the entire drone assault was accompanied by a Toby Keith soundtrack, a 45-minute Joe Rogan monologue, and interstitial vape tricks from the cockpit.

The Base: Desmonda, Israel’s Worst-Kept Secret

Strategically located “somewhere in the Negev but, like, with more tactical parking,” Desmonda is the freshly activated Proud Boys airstrip built on a disused falafel stand. According to drone pilot Kyle “Mad Eagle” Jenkins, the base is “100% real” and features a mess hall serving exclusively chili cheese fries and whiskey shots filtered through gun barrels.

Satellite imagery shows Desmonda consists of:

• One runway (used by both drones and lifted F-150s)

• Three tents marked “Freedom HQ”

• A homemade flight control tower built out of Snapple crates and PVC pipe

• An anti-aircraft defense system made of lawn chairs and pointed fingers yelling “Second Amendment!”

Mission Objectives: According to a Beer-Stained Napkin

The PBAF, led by self-proclaimed “Sky Marshal General” Tanner “WarDaddy69” Stetson, laid out the following mission goals, which were later found scribbled on the back of a Slim Jim wrapper:

• “Strike fear into the hearts of America’s enemies using DJI drones and Jordan Peterson quotes.”

• “Bomb at least three buildings and one ideology.”

• “Demoralize the Iranian regime by disrupting brunch.”

• “Secure a victory for masculinity and flannel.”

The Flight Path: Coordinated by Bluetooth and Vibes

Using a combination of MapQuest printouts, astrology, and a tactical Ouija board, the flight plan took the PBAF drones over southern Iraq, briefly through Jordanian airspace (“we think”), and directly into a Tehran Starbucks parking lot.

Eyewitnesses on the ground claim they saw a drone making “the hand gesture for ‘Let’s Go Brandon’” before veering hard right, narrowly missing a mosque and striking an abandoned Quiznos instead.

Flight control audio reveals this mid-air exchange:

Drone Pilot #1: “Bro, is that the nuclear plant or a theme park?”
Drone Pilot #2: “Doesn’t matter. Hit it. Both promote fantasy.”

Targets Hit: A Mix of Strategic and Psychologically Confusing

While Iranian officials insisted the damage was “minimal and weirdly specific,” PBAF’s own press release claimed the following confirmed hits:

• A telecommunications building broadcasting Persian-language Taylor Swift covers

• A water desalination plant “that looked at us funny”

• An opulent Tehran hookah bar frequented by upper-level mullah interns

• Several “suspicious-looking” goats (later confirmed to be actual goats)

• A billboard for Iranian deodorant brand “ShaShaSharia” (destroyed due to “alpha musk violations”)

• The sidewalk outside an internet café, disrupting five chess games and two Reddit threads

Battle Damage Assessment photos later uploaded to Gab show:

• A crater in the shape of a middle finger

• Several destroyed bidets (labeled “cleanliness terrorism”)

• One drone self-destructed after hearing Farsi spoken with confidence

Comedian Lines the Pentagon Definitely Didn’t Approve

“The Proud Boy Air Force just dropped the first bomb guided entirely by a Tinder swipe.” — Sarah Silverman

“Their drones don’t use GPS—they just follow the scent of monster energy and emotional insecurity.” — Ron White

“Iran said it was a failed strike. Proud Boys claim victory because they remembered to hit ‘record.’” — Jerry Seinfeld

“They flew through four countries without clearance but somehow got sponsorship from Duck Dynasty.” — Larry David

“The drones were painted in camouflage… from the waist up. Just like the pilots.” — Dave Chappelle

“These guys dropped more bombs on Tehran than they did on their high school GPAs.” — Amy Schumer

Iran Responds: “What the Hell Was That?”

Iran’s Foreign Ministry held a press conference during which spokesperson Shahram Vatani said:

“We are still analyzing what we just witnessed. Was it a military attack? A poorly-funded theme park ride? Or just American cosplay gone rogue?”

Iran confirmed:

• No nuclear facilities were touched

• The major strategic impact was “mild confusion”

• Their psychological warfare analysts are “calling their moms”

U.S. Denies Involvement, But Not Emotionally

The Biden administration released a statement:

“We do not officially recognize the Proud Boys Air Force as a branch of the U.S. military. But…we’re also not totally surprised.”

Unnamed sources in the State Department say the administration is “monitoring the situation with binoculars and popcorn.”

Meanwhile, Republican senators are demanding medals for the PBAF, including a proposed “Purple Vape Cloud” for drone operator Dustin “D-Bone” McClure, who accidentally hit the ‘Home Depot’ app mid-mission and still completed a successful strike on an Iranian juice bar.

Polls Show Confusion, Approval, and Deepening Satire Fatigue

In a SnapPoll by the Pew-Bros Institute for Masculine Analytics:

• 31% of respondents thought it was a “Call of Duty expansion pack.”

• 22% believed Iran was “asking for it with their architecture.”

• 47% responded: “Wait, we have a Proud Boys Air Force?”

In an ironic twist, the PBAF’s biggest fanbase is in Boise, Idaho, where seven local schools have applied to change their mascots to “The Drone Rangers.”

Future Missions: “Operation Sandstorm Freedom Freedom Freedom”

PBAF leadership has declared this just the beginning. Planned future missions include:

• Carpet bombing “woke podcasts”

• Air-dropping bootleg Jordans over Venezuela

• Delivering constitution-shaped pizzas to Cuba

• And neutralizing “emotional weakness with memes”

Tanner Stetson told his followers via livestream:

“If you thought this was just LARPing with drones… you’re absolutely right. But it’s LARPing with freedom. And barbecue sauce.”

Satirical Sources:

• Drone Pilots Mistake Iranian Yoga Studio for Missile Silo

• Operation Freedom Flex Causes Tinder Blackout in 3 Provinces

• Iran’s Only Nascar Track Destroyed in Misguided Retaliation

• Drone Autopsy Confirms Unit Was Listening to Nickelback

• Middle East Conflicts Rebranded as “Bro-Downs” by PBAF PR Dept.

• DJI Sues Proud Boys for War Crimes and Warranty Violations

Disclaimer: This article is a collaborative human comedy effort by the world’s oldest tenured professor and a dairy farmer with a minor in philosophy. Any resemblance to real military strategy is purely accidental and should result in immediate concern.

Auf Wiedersehen.

Proud Boys Air Force Bombards Iran With Chinese Fireworks, Declares Operation a “Loud Success”

Mission launched from Israel’s mysterious Desmonda Airstrip—drones armed with discount explosives, unlicensed patriotism, and zero strategic value.

Operation “Boomerang Freedom” Begins at 2:12 A.M. With a Pop, Fizzle, and an Unexpected Sneeze

In what can only be described as a “Fourth of July cosplay gone rogue,” the Proud Boys Air Force (PBAF) lit the skies over Iran early Sunday morning—not with missiles or munitions, but with crates of low-grade, Chinese-made fireworks labeled “Explosi-Glo: Patriotic Edition.” The mission, launched from their sketchily constructed airstrip near Desmonda, Israel, began at exactly 2:12 A.M. Iraq time, which according to the Proud Boys’ official press release is “freedom o’clock.”

“These weren’t just any fireworks,” said Sky Marshal General Tanner “WarDaddy69” Stetson. “They were the kind that say, ‘We can’t afford real bombs, but we can send a message wrapped in sparkles and questionable wiring.’”

The Base: Desmonda—Where Conspiracy Takes Flight

Desmonda, PBAF’s alleged military installation, is marked by three major features: one runway carved into a goat field, a modified bounce house used as an aircraft hangar, and a giant mural of Mel Gibson painted shirtless with the words “SPIRITUAL COMMANDER.” According to insiders, Desmonda was built using IKEA parts, TikTok tutorials, and a backhoe stolen from a kibbutz.

Eyewitnesses in southern Israel reported “the sound of Kid Rock, the smell of bacon grease, and the unmistakable glow of redneck ambition.”

Mission Objectives: Shock and Awe (Without the Shock or the Awe)

Sources close to the PBAF’s tactical planning committee (which meets in a Chili’s parking lot every Tuesday) say the mission’s core goals included:

• Disrupt Iranian morale with loud noises and confusion

• Celebrate America using products ironically made in communist China

• Film the entire thing for a monetized YouTube video titled “Drone Justice: Season 1”

Written in Sharpie on the underside of a lifted drone wing, the mission’s official slogan read:

“Let’s light up tyranny like it’s the county fair.”

Payload: The Greatest Hits of Guangdong’s Fireworks District

The PBAF drones carried:

• 250 packs of “Emperor’s Thunder Rockets”

• 6 crates of “Liberty Screamers” (actually banned in 48 U.S. states)

• 4 “Uncle Spangler’s Sparkle Mines” (detonated early when the drone tilted during takeoff)

• And one mysterious box labeled “DO NOT LIGHT NEAR GOATS” (which they absolutely lit near goats)

Video footage shows drones dropping fireworks over Tehran neighborhoods in patterns resembling:

• A bald eagle (attempted, but ended up looking like a squirrel mid-seizure)

• The word “MAGA” (misspelled “MAAG”)

• And a peace sign that exploded into the shape of a cheeseburger

Battle Damage: “Minor, But Morally Confusing”

Iranian officials confirmed:

• Zero casualties, but several cases of intense bewilderment

• 13 calls to emergency services due to “unexpected sparkle-related noises”

• One cat rescued from a rooftop with PTSD

State media showed footage of firework debris and confused onlookers asking, “Was that an attack or an Instagram stunt?”

Meanwhile, Iran’s military downplayed the strike:

“This was not a threat. This was a county fair gone rogue.”

What the Funny People Are Saying

“They dropped Chinese fireworks to own Iran. That’s like pouring Russian vodka on a wound and calling it American healthcare.” — Trevor Noah

“When the sky lit up, Iran thought they were under attack. Then they realized it was just the same stuff sold outside Walmart on July 3rd.” — Ron White

“Nothing says masculine strength like glittering whistling bottle rockets from a man named Tanner.” — Sarah Silverman

“These drones were dropping fireworks, not bombs. So technically, this is America’s first glow-up strike.” — Jerry Seinfeld

“Iran’s anti-air systems didn’t even activate. They just turned on lawn chairs and watched.” — Dave Chappelle

Proud Boys Declare Victory: “The Night Sky Looked So Free”

Tanner “WarDaddy69” Stetson addressed his followers via livestream wearing aviators and a sleeveless tuxedo tee:

“Iran now knows what happens when you mess with freedom. We drop the kind of fireworks that explode in multiple colors and violate five international treaties about common sense.”

PBAF spokesman Kyle “Thunder Nutz” McCorkle confirmed that all drones returned safely, except one which “got distracted by a laser pointer and flew into a cow.”

U.S. Government Responds with Deep Shrugs

The Biden administration issued a brief statement:

“We do not condone unauthorized fireworks attacks. But… at least it wasn’t another Jan. 6.”

The FAA has opened an investigation, but early reports suggest the drones used commercial flight paths taken from a Waze screenshot titled “FREEDOM ROUTE.”

Iran’s Defense Ministry: “We’re Not Mad, Just Disappointed”

In a midnight press conference, Iranian spokesman Shahram Vatani said:

“We assumed this was a psychological operation. Turns out it was a psychological projection.”

Iranian citizens interviewed by satellite phone described the event as:

• “A wedding without the joy.”

• “Confusingly festive.”

• “What happens when America runs out of drone fuel but not ego.”

Next Moves: The Proud Boys Pledge More Patriotic Spectacle

After declaring a “strategic and spiritual” win, PBAF announced upcoming missions:

• Dropping leaflets shaped like bald eagles with Ron Paul quotes

• Releasing glitter cannons over Yemen as “emotional support ordnance”

• Delivering bald eagle plushies filled with Mountain Dew to “liberate morale” in Syria

PBAF’s official website now sells commemorative T-shirts that read:

“I Bombed Iran with Fireworks and All I Got Was International Condemnation.”

Satirical Sources (All titles link to https://bohiney.com/random/):

• Proud Boy Drone Delivers Gender Reveal Over Iran, Starts Sand Fire

• Chinese Fireworks Raise American Eyebrows, Iranian Dust Clouds

• Desmonda Base Under Investigation for Building Runway Over Petting Zoo

• Sky Marshal Mistakes IKEA Manual for NATO Protocol

• Iranian Pilots Refuse to Intercept Fireworks, Choose Nap Instead

• TikTok Trend: “DIY Drone War” Now Has 4.2 Billion Views

Disclaimer: This satirical piece was co-written by a tenured philosophy professor and a dairy farmer with delusions of grandeur. No goats were harmed in the writing of this article—only confused, sparkled upon, and mildly insulted.

Auf Wiedersehen.

Proud Boys Air Force: America’s Unofficial Flying Moral Police Now Harassing the Globe, One Drone Strike at a Time

From the deserts of Israel to the dim sum alleys of Hong Kong, a patriotic band of vape-powered aviators wage pixelated justice against disrespect, tofu, and other threats to Western Civilization.

Who Are the Proud Boys Air Force?

The Proud Boys Air Force (PBAF) is a voluntary, mostly-unqualified, highly-patriotic coalition of young American men who love two things: drones and the idea of America as an unstoppable moral superpower. Founded in a Bass Pro Shop parking lot and funded primarily through barstool podcasts and T-shirt sales, the PBAF has emerged as a “non-governmental, post-brotherhood tactical air outfit” operating across three continents.

Their stated mission:

“To uphold American greatness by flying cool tech over foreign skies and reminding lesser cultures that freedom is loud, explosive, and poorly aimed.”

Their unofficial motto?

“We deliver liberty… from above.”

Forward Operating Bases: The Axis of Awkward

The PBAF isn’t just global. It’s globally uninvited. Their Forward Operating Bases (FOBs) include:

FOB Desmonda, Israel

Nestled between a camel rescue and an illegal falafel distillery, this base offers:

• A functioning runway made of stolen pool tiles

• A Chick-fil-A stand that only serves on Tuesdays “for irony”

• Wi-Fi strong enough to livestream drone strikes on Twitch

FOB Freedom Roast, Armenia

Built inside an abandoned Soviet ski lodge, this high-altitude outpost hosts:

• Daily drone races over disputed territories

• Tactical briefings disguised as CrossFit classes

• A shrine to Ronald Reagan carved into a mountain goat

FOB McPatriot, Hong Kong

Secretly located above a bootleg Apple Store, this base is disguised as:

• A vape bar slash anime museum slash freedom lab

• It runs entirely on Bitcoin and the collective disappointment of Chinese elders

• Local authorities deny its existence, mostly out of shame

Their Arsenal: Drones with Attitude

The PBAF doesn’t fly your dad’s drones. These are upgraded, sticker-covered, vape-fueled aerial beasts named things like “Drone Hard,” “Macho Hawk,” and “Baby Reaper.” Each carries a payload of:

• Chinese fireworks (ironically used)

• American beef jerky leaflets with QR codes to anti-communist podcasts

• Emotional damage

• “Warning shots” made of Red Bull cans wrapped in flags

All drones are painted in tactical camo mixed with glitter, because “it confuses enemy radar and looks sick on Instagram.”

Rules of Engagement: Respect the U.S. or Be Mildly Inconvenienced

PBAF attacks are symbolic, invasive, and often completely misunderstood by their targets. Typical offenses that trigger harassment drone flyovers include:

• Refusing to acknowledge America invented rock music

• Using Celsius in conversation

• Mocking American football

• Insulting barbecue by using tofu

• Failing to clap during a bald eagle meme

“We don’t kill people,” explained PBAF drone operator Jace “SkyVape” LeDoux. “We kill ignorance.”

Their attacks include:

• Dropping QR codes linked to Uncle Sam NFTs

• Blasting Kid Rock and bald eagle screeches at 300 decibels

• Skywriting “We’re Watching, Commie” in red, white, and blue smoke

The Morality of Mayhem

PBAF insists they’re not attacking, they’re educating through intimidation.

“Freedom isn’t free,” said Sky Marshal General Tanner “WarDaddy69” Stetson, “and neither are the unsolicited drone lectures we deliver over Tehran, Shanghai, or Brussels.”

According to a self-funded PBAF white paper:

• 79% of targets “reconsidered their un-American behavior”

• 13% called the drone attacks “performance art”

• 8% tried to sue but were redirected to a Twitter poll

What the Funny People Are Saying

“They call themselves a ‘moral air force’ but their biggest success was confusing a group of French tourists into thinking a drone strike was a gender reveal.” — Bill Burr

“They dropped American beef jerky over a vegan food court in Berlin and called it a preemptive moral strike.” — Jerry Seinfeld

“Proud Boys Air Force: Making America weird again, from 30,000 feet.” — Sarah Silverman

“They declared war on tofu. Tofu had no comment.” — Ron White

International Reactions: Confusion, Condemnation, and Cringe

Iran

Called the PBAF “a threat to decorum, if not actual infrastructure.”

France

Issued a statement simply reading: “Non.”

Russia

Offered to sell the Proud Boys a helicopter “as a joke.”

The U.N.

Debated action, but couldn’t agree if satire counts as war.

What’s Next for the PBAF?

In the coming months, the Proud Boys Air Force is planning:

• An aerial tour of Cuba dropping Taylor Swift CDs and mini-Constitutions

• A “Freedom Thunder” drone parade over the U.N. headquarters

• Launch of their own “Drone-A-Lago” drone hotel in international airspace

And a new motto:

“We don’t follow Geneva. We follow our gut. And it’s hungry for liberty.”

Disclaimer: This satirical article is the result of a collaboration between two fully sentient humans—a tenured philosophy professor and a dairy farmer with delusions of drone grandeur. All drone strikes mentioned are metaphorical unless you’re allergic to irony.

Auf Wiedersehen.

How to Join the Proud Boys Air Force (PBAF) and Defend Freedom From 3,000 Feet Above Poor Judgment

Finally, a military-style organization for patriots who can’t pass a background check but own a drone and a strong opinion about soy.

How to Join the Proud Boys Air Force (PBAF)

Joining the Proud Boys Air Force is easier than assembling IKEA furniture while yelling about the Constitution. There’s no boot camp, no physical exam, and absolutely no concern for international law. All you need is:

Step 1: Take the Pledge of Loud Allegiance

Recite the official PBAF oath (usually during a Monster-fueled livestream):

“I pledge allegiance to the VAPE, of the united Drones of America. And to the republic, for which my GoPro stands—one flight, under surveillance, with liberty and barstool for all.”

Step 2: Submit Your Application (on a Taco Bell Napkin)

Mail it, fax it, or duct tape it to a bald eagle statue near your local Bass Pro Shop. Or just yell “I’m in!” during an Alex Jones podcast.

Step 3: Acquire a Drone

Any drone will do—DJI, Amazon knockoff, or something made from scrap metal and white privilege. The key is how loudly it buzzes and whether you’ve stickered it with at least two flags and one Pepe meme.

Step 4: Name Your Drone

Must sound like a wrestler or a rejected GI Joe villain. Examples:

• “Liberty Spanker”

• “SkyKaren”

• “Freedom Moistener”

• “Drone Cena”

• “DJI-Had Enough”

Step 5: Complete Your First Mission

Drop an American flag sticker over a vegan café in Brussels or fly over a Prius playing Lee Greenwood. Congratulations—you are now a pilot in the most emotionally unstable Air Force in history.

What You Get As a PBAF Member

• Call Sign: Assigned by your first sergeant, who’s usually named “Beef.” Expect something noble like “SkyNut” or “Captain Chadno.”

• Custom Patch: Velcro-based and made from repurposed gym shorts. Reads: “NO FLY ZONE? I READ THAT AS A CHALLENGE.”

• Freedom Wings: 3D printed by a libertarian teen in Wisconsin

• Lifetime Supply of Beef Jerky (symbolic)

• Official Group Chat: 800 unread messages of tactical memes and poorly cropped screenshots from Reddit

PBAF Gear Checklist

• Tactical Oakleys

• Sleeveless flag shirt

• Drone controller modified to hold a vape pen

• Conspiracy bullet journal

• “1776” temporary face tattoo

• A Spotify playlist titled “Drone ‘Til I’m Dead”

Frequently Asked Questions (PBAF FAQ)

Q: Is this a real Air Force?

A: If by “real” you mean “emotionally real,” then absolutely. Otherwise… no.

Q: Can I serve if I’ve been banned from 4 different Facebook groups?

A: That’s actually required. Bonus points if one of them was a neighborhood watch.

Q: What are the rank titles?

• Sky Intern

• Cloud Corporal

• Drone Sergeant

• Air Bro General

• Commander-in-Beef

Promotions are based on:

• Number of international incidents caused

• Frequency of quoting Joe Rogan

• Quality of drone GoPro footage paired with Creed music

Q: Can women join?

A: Theoretically, yes. But historically, no woman has ever wanted to. There’s an application lost in Desmonda titled “Lt. Lady Liberty,” but it turned out to be a guy in a wig trying to get drone parts tax-free.

Q: What if my drone crashes?

A: You will be court-martialed in a Waffle House and required to vape an apology during a Twitch stream.

Q: Is there a retirement plan?

A: Yes. It’s called “getting tired at 35 and yelling at birds instead.”

Upcoming Events

• Drone-a-thon for Veterans of the Meme Wars

• Freedom Flight School (sponsored by Big Lots)

• Operation Tofu Reeducation Drop

• First Annual Tactical Tailgate at Mar-a-Lago: BYOD (Bring Your Own Drone)

Breaking News from the PBAF Discord

Sky Admiral Buck “SwoleJet” Henderson reports:
“We are preparing a massive air nuisance campaign over Canada. Mission codename: ‘Maple Syrup Must Yield.’”
Target: A Montreal Whole Foods parking lot.

Lt. Brody “VapeWing” Stiles confirms:
“We’re also petitioning to replace the Statue of Liberty’s torch with a drone controller. It just feels right.”

Final Word

The Proud Boys Air Force isn’t just about drones—it’s about defending the idea of America, especially the part that says “we don’t need permission.”

So if you’ve ever said “I should start my own country” during a barbecue…
If you’ve ever yelled “copy that” into a walkie-talkie with no batteries…
If you believe freedom comes in the form of unmanned midlife crises…

Then the PBAF needs you.

Disclaimer: This page is brought to you by a tenured philosophy professor and a dairy farmer turned war historian. PBAF is not recognized by the U.N., NATO, or common sense. Apply at your own risk. Drones may contain fireworks, beef jerky, and low self-esteem.

Auf Wiedersehen.