Bohiney News

Congressional Marxists Vow to Hound Elon Musk Into Poverty Billionaire Asks Whether Congress Accepts Monthly Payments Democrats promise endless investigations until Musk becomes poor. Billionaire offers to share his debts, payroll and

[Verse 1] She wasn’t raised in Malibu, no shiny pink Corvette, Her first ride was a tractor, and she hasn’t looked back yet. She grew up in a barn, where the hay was

Elon Musk is accustomed to completing complicated tasks: designing rockets, buying social media, and teaching the world that the proper amount of car steering wheel is negotiable. Yet when asked

Tony Romo Sparks an ESPN Booth Takeover Without Paperwork Tony Romo spent approximately five minutes talking football on Pat McAfee’s ESPN2 alternate broadcast Monday night, and the internet reacted with the

Bohiney.com | San Francisco, California A Danish man is suing OpenAI after alleging ChatGPT advised him to stop paying rent, insisted he could not legally be evicted, and then failed to

LOS ANGELES — Los Angeles fired Mayor Karen Bass and hired City Councilmember Nithya Raman to rescue the city from the people running City Hall. Raman has served there since

LOS ANGELES — America’s celebrity crisis-management industry declared a full-scale marketing emergency this week after discovering that a criminal charge against an estranged father might interfere with somebody else’s Tuesday

AUSTIN, TEXAS — America has entered a new era of political migration in which citizens no longer move to find better jobs, larger houses or more attractive communities. They move to

Silicon Valley wants cheap power, progressives want control, ranchers want the lights on AUSTIN, Texas - Texas Governor-elect Gina Hinojosa has proposed extending restrictions on artificial intelligence data centers until lawmakers

Democracy turns out not to include a skip option SAN FRANCISCO, California - America's technology billionaires are reassessing their commitment to democracy after voters across multiple states supported restrictions on new

Tech Billionaires Say Losing Trillions Is Just Another Form of Innovation NEW YORK, New York - Wall Street investors are growing nervous about the enormous sums committed to artificial intelligence, prompting

New Department of Emotional Equity Opens Files NEW YORK, N.Y. — America's socialist movement has identified a previously overlooked form of inequality: Some people appear to be enjoying themselves, and nobody

Voters Punish Trump by Electing Candidates Who Think Capitalism Is a Disease WASHINGTON, D.C. — Sean Hannity's warning about the political power of hatred may have become the most accurate economic

Policy Debates Replaced by "Seen What Your Neighbor Owns?" WASHINGTON, D.C. — Socialist campaign strategists have discovered an astonishingly effective electoral formula: Locate an unhappy voter, identify somebody wealthier and promise

Frustration Goes Collective and Tax-Exempt BOSTON, Mass. — Millions of Americans have discovered a remarkable new outlet for personal dissatisfaction: Instead of complaining about their lives individually, they can complain collectively

Investors remember the machines may be smarter than the people buying the shares NEW YORK, N.Y. — Artificial intelligence stocks recovered after a punishing selloff when Wall Street investors remembered that

Staff learn the man who never smiles now runs employee morale WASHINGTON, D.C. — White House employees preparing for Stephen Miller's arrival as chief of staff have reportedly begun removing cheerful

Democrats ask why winning Congress feels like a punishment WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump has responded to a devastating Republican midterm election defeat by appointing Stephen Miller as his new

Defeating enemies proves easier than paying the defense contractors JERUSALEM, Israel — After more than three years of military conflict, Israel's government has discovered that maintaining an advanced military is financially

Economists call it the most expensive way yet devised to accomplish nothing NEW YORK, N.Y. — Wall Street investors celebrated a recovery in artificial intelligence stocks after a brutal technology selloff,

Canada in Crisis: Bear Rampage Prompts Urgent Plea to Trump for Statehood In an utterly bear‑y Canadian night of terror, Canada’s federal government has reportedly submitted a formal request for U.S. statehood

15 Observations About Trump's "Build Your Own Power Plant" AI Plan ⚡🤖 The Silicon Valley DIY Energy Kit Tech CEOs were reportedly thrilled with the idea of building their own power plants,

White House Denies Chaos: "Everything's Fine, Just the Constitution Screaming in the Corner" Calm Amidst the Screaming In a press briefing described by journalists as "equal parts drama, improv theater, and passive-aggressive

Corporate Communication Experiment Creates Hieroglyphic Chaos The Rise of Hieroglyphics 2.0 In a bold, questionable move, TechNova Inc. announced that all internal communications must now be conducted using emojis only. The initiative,

Guardian Horrified as Trump Does One Progressive Thing Without Asking Permission Editorial Board Enters Existential Crisis Over Cannabis Reclassification The Guardian editorial board reportedly entered a state of existential distress Thursday after

Dispatch from the Frontlines of Human-AI Diplomacy 😄 In a jaw-dropping reversal of every polite dinner party your grandma ever hosted, a team of Penn State researchers sort of discovered that being mean

Trump’s Military Parade to Feature Gold Tanks, MAGA Sousa, and Pyrotechnic Self-Esteem President Trump’s proposed military parade in Washington, D.C., scheduled for June 14, 2025, coincides with his 79th birthday and

Trump’s Mega-Prison Deal: America’s Newest Export Is… Inmates? If you thought flying coach was bad, imagine a one-way ticket to La Mega-Prisión In a groundbreaking geopolitical move that no one saw coming—except

😱 10 Things That Are Objectively Worse Than Cheating Here's a playful take on relationships — a list of 10 small relationship irritants that are even worse than cheating on your

Trump's Nobel Peace Prize Snub: Observations on the Diplomatic Controversy The "Almost" President Gets an "Almost" Prize In a world where participation trophies are handed out for everything from spelling bees to competitive napping,

Fox News Launches New Segment: “Woke or Possessed?” Byline: SpinTaxi’s Spiritual Warfare Correspondent, Broadcasting from a Prayer Tent in Secaucus Fair, Balanced, and Now Featuring Exorcisms In its latest attempt to keep ratings

Death Dinners in Los Angeles: LA's Morbid New Dinner Party Trend (2025) By Savannah Steele, Bohiney.com Los Angeles has finally solved two of life's most stressful problems: where to eat dinner, and

Why Did Senators Oppose Matt Gaetz and Demand He NOT Target Political Adversaries Like Liz Cheney, MSNBC, or Anthony Fauci? Gaetz’s DOJ Promise: No Fauci Arrests, Stormtroopers, or MSNBC Raids—At Least

Wichita Falls Without Falls: City Closes Its Only Claim to Fame By Tinsel Vandergraph – Bohiney.com Wichita Falls, TX — The city of Wichita Falls announced Monday that its man-made waterfall—the one

California Desperately Begs Oil Companies to Stay After Spending Years Telling Them to Leave The Golden State's Most Awkward Relationship Status Update California's relationship with Big Oil has officially entered its "it's