Bohiney News

[Verse 1] She wasn’t raised in Malibu, no shiny pink Corvette, Her first ride was a tractor, and she hasn’t looked back

Mossad Denies Epstein Tapes Exist, Accidentally Leaks 42 TB of HD Blackmail Footage By Bohiney Magazine's Human Intelligence Division – Written

45 Random Acts of Kindness Toward ICE (with Satirical Details) When L.A. Loves Law Enforcement: The Rise of ICE Appreciation Culture In

How Educated Los Angelenos Are Winning Hearts—and Baking Cookies—for America’s Most Misunderstood Agency (ICE)  ICE Is NICE! Los Angeles Bakes, Paints,

Marxists Mar Patriotic Student Meeting: When Toilet Paper Becomes a Political Statement Eye-Witness Report from the Turning Point USA Student Action

Top 12 Pro-ICE Bumper Stickers from Washington DC By the Washington DC Office Staff Writers “ICE is NICE!”(Short and sweet and

The Revolution Will Be Disrupted: ICE’s 35-Step Satirical Strategy to Thwart California Marxists LOS ANGELES (Satirical Press Dispatch) — In a

Secret Service Misfires Again: “Zero-Fail Mission” Downgraded to “Zero Consequences” Policy Satirical Journalism by the Sentient Duo: A Tenured Professor and

📰 Gavin Newsom Fails to Outwit Stephen Miller, Accidentally Declares Himself Supreme Woke Warlord of California By: Bohiney Magazine’s Bureau of

“Somewhere Between 4 Weeks and the Heat Death of the Universe,” Says Google’s John Mueller SEO Success: A Journey of Faith,

Democrats Suddenly Support Israel After Watching ‘Themselves’ in Epstein’s Home Theater By two fully sentient beings — the world’s oldest tenured

Press Pass or Paintball Target? LAPD Gets Green Light to Light Up Reporters (Gently) When Journalism Became a Contact Sport: LAPD’s

Aura Farming Explained: What It Is and Why Gen Z Swears by It Aura farming is the latest spiritual hustle sweeping

ICE STORMS "MARIJUANA FARM," TRIGGERS NATIONAL LETTUCE PANIC In what federal officials are calling "Operation Garden Grab," agents from U.S. Immigration

OpenAI's Charity Case: How Sam Altman Became the First Nonprofit Billionaire How OpenAI’s Nonprofit CEO Turned “Capped Profits” Into Uncapped Billions

Meet Your New Shaman: ChatGPT Will Now Guide You Through the Multiverse   The Digital Shaman Has Arrived Once upon a time, spiritual

DOJ Strikes Back: Maryland Judges Sued for Holding Up America’s Deportation Pipeline “Judicial obstructionism ends now”—AG Bondi announces from secure room In

🎀 Barbie 2: Script Leak or Pink Mirage? The Plot… or the Pink Print? You heard it here first: the supposedly leaked Barbie 2

The 15 Wildly Interesting Theories That Scientists Still Can’t Prove—Because They’re Too Busy Playing Wordle A Deep Dive into the Most

Bill Gates Accidentally Drops Out of Billionaire Club After Excessive Philanthropy—Steve Ballmer Beats Him Using Yelling and Microsoft Stock “I gave

“Operation Excalibur: Why the Federal Government Invaded a Los Angeles Park (With Horses, Humvees, and a Lot of Nothing)” By the

Who Will Own an Electric Car Welcome to the Subscription‑Electric Car Renaissance In 2040, telling someone “I own an electric car” will

TEXAS MARXISTS STAGE FOURTH OF JULY AMBUSH WITH FIREWORKS, BODY ARMOR, AND ABSURDITY “Nothing says ‘power to the people’ like assault

Judge Rules Congress Can’t Control the Purse Strings — Because Feelings Are Binding Law Now A Bohiney Magazine Special Report from

The Year of the AI Unicorn: How AI Turned Burrito Trackers and Digital Dietitians into Billion-Dollar Miracles “In 2025, everything that

Mike Tyson Curates World’s Most Violent Book Club: Reading Is Fundamental, But Only If You Can Dodge a Punch By Guest

Cookie-Jarring Nation: America’s Favorite Backup Relationship Gets a Crunchy Exposé Investigative Satire by the Relationship Bureau at Bohiney Magazine The New Dating

Elon Musk’s “America Party” Promises to Launch Freedom Into Orbit, Land It Gently on Mars A New Dawn for Democracy, or

🎙️ "Monday Night Engagements" – A Satirical Commentary Ladies and gentlemen, gather ‘round—as already immortalized by Harper’s Bazaar, Kelce & Swift

Xbox Exec Recommends AI Therapy for Laid-Off Employees: Clippy Offers Shoulder, Not Severance The Wit & Circuitry Desk | Satirical Syndicate

Camping World Defies HOA Tyranny, Flies Freedom Flag Tall Enough to Shame the Moon Lawsuit Filed by HOA President Who Once

🚢 Temptation on the High Moan: How Spicy Cruise Rules Are the Most Regulated Orgy at Sea Temptation Cruise Rules Listed... Introduction:

The United States of America... Now in Mandarin Land of the free… if you're cleared by the Bureau of Patriotic Internet

Sex Declared Legal by Jury, Diddy Declared Innocent, America Declared Confused Jury rules that sex is not illegal — the courtroom