Nidal Hasan Discovers Army Has Finally Finished Processing His Extremely Negative Performance Review Fort Hood mass murderer dreamed of becoming historic warrior, instead spends 17 years discovering United States possesses both

Austin Left Discovers Spontaneous Protest Works Best When Scheduled in Advance Socialist Groups Reportedly Coordinate "Spontaneous" Anti-ICE Demonstration, Finally Bringing Central Planning to Spontaneity Political activists in Austin have reportedly achieved something

DSA Wants Government to Own Large Corporations After Seeing How Beautifully It Runs the DMV Amazon Delivery Window Expanded to the Next Appropriations Cycle The Democratic Socialists of America support bringing major corporations into

DSA Leader Aces True-or-False Quiz by Answering "Abolish It" to Every Question Television Discovers the Socialist Version of a Cheat Code DSA national co-chair Megan Romer turned a television true-or-false segment into

DSA Unveils Simple Plan to Save America by Abolishing Every Part of America Nation to Be Replaced With Newsletter, Logo, and Strongly Worded Social Media Account The Democratic Socialists of America have unveiled a

DSA Abolishes Pentagon, ICE and Electoral College, Retains Department of Cardboard Protest Signs Essential Revolutionary Infrastructure Protected From Budget Cuts The Democratic Socialists of America support abolishing or dismantling a remarkable collection of American

Socialists Promise No Prisons, No Borders, No Senate and Eventually No Adults in Charge Revolutionary Babysitter Leaves Nation Alone With Matches The Democratic Socialists of America are promising a streamlined future without prisons, borders,

The Perfect Chinese-American Candidate for POTUS in 2028 Meet the Man Who Answers to Nobody, Allegedly Every four years, the American electorate is promised a candidate who is "finally different," and every

Hirono Declares Herself the Only Witness Ever to Survive Asking Questions Senate Hearing Temporarily Reclassified as a Victimhood Endurance Event WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Senate confirmation hearing briefly paused Tuesday after observers

Congress Discovers It Can Rewrite the Universe If the Committee Hearing Runs Long Enough According to Noah Rothman's column, Congress is once again debating daylight saving time, creating the familiar spectacle of

Five Observations About "Woke Jesus" Politics Church used to be the one place where people argued about the Book of Revelation and casserole recipes. Now it's apparently a campaign office with

Why the Left Needs Amy Schumer to Be Overweight and a Victim Too A Satirical Investigation Into the Political Economy of Feelings, Photos, and Who Is Allowed to Feel Good The modern

Clintons Agree to Testify in Epstein Investigation: Congressional Theater Reaches Peak Performance A satirical look at America's favorite political soap opera The Financial Times recently reported that Bill and Hillary Clinton have agreed

Trump Wins Again: Tom Cruise Learns London Lesson the Hard Way The Prophet of Mar-a-Lago Speaks Years ago, Donald Trump warned that London had become dangerous. Critics laughed. Late night hosts wrote jokes.

Governor Accidentally Builds Presidential Campaign While Looking for Spare Yard Signs HARRISBURG — Pennsylvania Governor Josh Shapiro held what aides described as a "totally normal, extremely local, not at all national" campaign

Don Lemon Accidentally Becomes Patron Saint of "I Was Just Covering It" Somewhere between a church protest, a federal indictment, and a white suit that looked like it had its own

Marxists of Minnesota Versus the America 250 Patch Before the first snap, before the first commercial, before Bad Bunny pirouettes through halftime, the United States' Semiquincentennial had already sparked a culture clash in

Don Lemon Is Now Communist Martyr #1, And The Revolution Will Be Televised, Lit, And Moderated By A Panel A Brief Announcement From The Ministry Of Historical Overreaction History does not always

How Marxists Losing the Internet Is Actually Freedom Winning Let's start with the heart of The Guardian's claim: they argue that digital platforms destroyed traditional "liberal" messaging—though let's be honest, we're talking

The Populist King Trump and the Left's Imaginary Monarchy In a political moment that feels like Game of Thrones got lost in a community college lecture hall, the United States finds itself both

Trump Gets Credit for "Momentous Moment" American Moment; America Buys 10,000 Flags to Celebrate A Playful Victory Lap Through a 'Highly Polarized' Age That Somehow Made Trump Look Good In what analysts

Venezuelan President Confuses Airstrikes With Party Favors as White House Communicates Through Dessert Metaphors Maduro Mistakes US Military Strikes for Surprise Birthday Parade While Trump Tweets "Where's the Cake" Bohiney.com has learned

Navigating the Minnesota Scandal Circus Welcome to the Wonderland of Contradictions Imagine a political universe where every time something doesn't add up, you simply say it didn't happen and then weigh in

🍗 Mar-a-Lago Christmas Spectacle Turns Into Domestic Reality Show In what the Times of India called "a tense moment at Mar-a-Lago Christmas Eve dinner," Melania Trump delivered a seven-word remark to Donald Trump

Can Democrats Reinvent Themselves as Washington Disrupters? Let's Watch How that Works with the Tax Refunds WASHINGTON—Democrats have apparently decided that the country needs more disruption, which, in D.C. parlance, translates to

🎄 Mar-a-Lago Christmas Eve: The Seven Words That Could End Civilization Mar-a-Lago, usually a palace of gold-plated golf carts and overpriced shrimp cocktails, became a stage for human drama that rivaled

The Back of the Baseball Card: Why California's Governor Needs a Reality Check on His Stats In baseball, nobody cares that Derek Jeter had magnificent hair. They cared that he had

Gulf of America: The Big Splash of Trump's Latest Idea By Chuck "Tidal Wave" Rogers President-elect Donald Trump has once again made waves, but this time it’s not with his Twitter account.

Democrats’ Struggles and Internal Conflicts The Democratic Party's recent trajectory resembles a sitcom where the characters can't decide if they're in a drama or a comedy. The internal tug-of-war between progressives

Trump Retakes Press Secretary's Fireplace Office — Promises More 'Warm' Statements By Chloe Summers | Bohiney Magazine Palm Beach, FL — Former President Donald J. Trump has reportedly "retaken" the Press Secretary's small

Trump's African Safari: A Diplomatic Masterclass or a Gaffe-Filled Safari? Why the Elephants Are Laughing and the Giraffes Are Rolling Their Eyes at Trump's Tour Nairobi, Kenya The former U.S. president’s African tour

The Twain Train: A Journey Through Humanity’s Most Ridiculous Realities Civilization’s Comedy of Errors Why We’ll Never Learn (and That’s Hilarious) Mark Twain once said, "Humor is mankind's greatest blessing." With this philosophy,

Hedge Fund Manager's Revolutionary Approach Blends Traditional Finance With Mystical Card Interpretation Unconventional Methods Promise Market Revolution Prominent hedge fund manager Scott Bessent revealed his highly anticipated economic recovery strategy Tuesday at