Hershey Highway Now Patrolled by Marshmallow Drones
In a bold move to increase tourism safety and “enforce whimsy,” the stretch of road known as the Hershey Highway is now patrolled by AI-powered marshmallow drones.
Equipped with sprinkle-detection sensors, sugar gun deterrents, and passive-aggressive loudspeakers, these floating fluffbots maintain order using phrases like:
“Step away from the fudge, citizen”
“Do not attempt to lick the asphalt”
“Joy compliance levels are below Hershey standards”
Local drivers report being pulled over for “caramel attitude” and “failing to signal sweet intentions.”
Wanker claims the drones were developed using military surplus and “one very chill Rice Krispie engineer.” Critics say it’s an overreach of cocoa-based surveillance, comparing the drone system to “Patriot Act, but for candy.”
The drones also perform daily airshows during rush hour, dropping mini marshmallows and collecting “smile data” from passing vehicles.
One drone was seen chasing a boy who threw a Skittle into traffic. It detained him using cotton candy zip-ties and recited the Pledge of Allegiance in nougat Morse code.
Residents have mixed feelings: “It’s cute,” said one woman. “Until it threatens to vaporize your gummy stash.”
Meanwhile, the ACLU is investigating the legality of marshmallow-based facial recognition. In the meantime, remember: If you frown near the fudge line, they know.
SOURCE: Hershey PA