Office Plant Funerals
“It Was Just a Plant. But It Was Also a Friend. And Occasionally a Coat Hook.”
When “Frondrick,” the beloved fern in Marketing, died after an unsupervised weekend and questionable sunlight access, the entire floor entered mourning. HR responded by organizing a memorial service complete with tissue boxes, flute music, and a slideshow titled *Photosynthesis of a Life Well Lived.*
“He always leaned toward Karen’s desk,” said one manager tearfully. “We thought it was sunlight. Maybe it was love.”
An intern named Devon read a spoken-word piece called “You Grew on Me,” prompting three people to openly weep into their productivity planners.
The janitor fashioned a biodegradable urn out of recycled coffee stirrers. IT made a hologram of Frondrick for closure and future hydration reminders.
Though the office received a new plant–“Leaf Erickson”–the grief lingers. One coworker still waters an empty pot out of habit and emotional denial.
Frondrick’s legacy lives on in a quarterly wellness email titled *Grow Where You’re Potted.*
Auf Wiedersehen, amigos.
