I’m not self-centered, I just narrate from a first-person spiritual perspective. (Begins every sentence with “As an empath ”)
Main Character Syndrome, Chakra Edition
The Hero’s Journey Through Trader Joe’s
“I’m not self-centered, I just narrate from a first-person spiritual perspective,” they explain while referring to themselves as “the chosen vessel of this checkout lane’s frequency.”
Funny Evidence from the Empathic Spotlight Coalition
One person live-posted their entire root chakra realignment in aisle five. Another whispered, “My aura needs room,” before taking up both airplane armrests.
Quote from a Soulful Soliloquist
“Every setting is a stage, and I am the moonlight,” said Empathia Starr. “Even my silence should be received as a blessing.”
Satirical Snapshot
They describe traffic jams as “personal shadow work,” treat mirrors like co-stars, and once wept over a pumpkin display “because it reflected autumn’s grief.”
Conclusion: Empathy Is Sacred–But You’re Not the Only Person With Feelings at Whole Foods
You’re special. But please share the cart space.
For more divinely curated narratives, shop spiritually at bohiney.com
