Community
The Maple Street Neighborhood Watch program celebrated another successful year of vigilantly observing absolutely nothing suspicious, criminal, or remotely interesting happening in their pristine suburban community.
Jack Handey (staff writer)
SUBURBIA, USA — We’ve maintained a perfect record of zero incidents to report, announced coordinator Helen Martinez while peering through her blinds at the mail carrier. “Unless you count the Thompson’s lawn being exactly one day overdue for mowing.” The 12-member watch group meets weekly to discuss the alarming increase in Amazon deliveries and the suspicious activities of teenagers walking to school. Their greatest achievement remains successfully identifying that the new family’s recycling bin was placed three inches closer to the curb than regulation allows.