Resistance Activists Build Guillotine from Recycled Protest Signs

PORTLAND, OR — In what they’re calling a “symbolic art piece” with “strong utility potential,” a group of progressive resistance activists has constructed a full-scale guillotine entirely out of recycled protest signs, compostable zip ties, and bike tires.

The device—named EcoLiberty 3000—was assembled outside the mayor’s office during a rally called “No Crowns, No Clowns, No Clout.”

“This is not a threat,” said lead organizer and urban kombucha sommelier Declan Firepatch. “It’s an artisanal critique of patriarchal hierarchy—and also a statement about upcycling.”

Crafted with love and loathing, the guillotine’s blade is actually a carefully sharpened Whole Foods checkout divider. It squeaks when dropped, and the rope was donated by a community circus troupe with Marxist tendencies.

Local officials appeared unamused. “You can’t guillotine zoning permits,” said a baffled city planner as someone chanted “Off with their leases!”

The Portland Art Institute is considering acquiring the piece, pending a structural inspection and a waiver from OSHA. Meanwhile, children have already begun taking selfies beneath the frame, with captions like “Beheaded But Woke.”

As activists prepared to ceremoniously place a golden piñata shaped like Jeff Bezos beneath the blade, Firepatch added, “This is what democracy looks like. And it’s biodegradable.”