Microdosing Mishaps
“He Said the Toast Showed Leadership Potential. Then He Knighted It with a Butter Knife.”
Startup founder Bryce “Synergy” Caldwell intended to microdose psilocybin before brunch to “optimize emotional output.” Instead, he misread the label and consumed what scientists now classify as “enough to hug a parking meter and cry about capitalism.”
Witnesses say he made sustained eye contact with a mimosa, announced “I am toast,” and then gave a TED Talk to a bowl of granola titled *Scaling Joy Through Inner Disruption.*
At one point, Bryce bowed to a decorative fern and whispered, “Teach me.” The fern did not respond. But the waiter called HR.
He spent the rest of the meal assigning corporate titles to condiments and referring to a fried egg as “my mentor.”
After vomiting enlightenment onto his pitch deck, Bryce tweeted: “Growth looks messy. Especially on tile.”
He now hosts retreats called *Hallucinogenic Hustle*, co-sponsored by a kombucha brand and spiritual liability waivers.
Auf Wiedersehen, amigos.
