How to Save the Revolution From the Center, Which Is Basically a Sofa With Opinions There is nothing more dangerous to a revolution than a person who says, "Let us find

Paige Shiver's Secret Jobs at Michigan: What's She Really Doing After the Sherrone Moore Scandal? Here's the satirical take you asked for on what jobs Paige Shiver could possibly be doing

Copenhagen 2050: From Danish Pastries to Lagos-Style Traffic Jams COPENHAGEN — Urban planners are sounding alarms that by 2050, Copenhagen could transform from a bicycle utopia into a chaotic metropolis rivaling Lagos in

Farmer Sells Land to Google; Now Livestreams Cornfield from Space BUCYRUS, OHIO — Local farmer Burl “Dusty” Granger has sold his 360-acre cornfield to Google for a rumored 18 Dogecoins and

Newsom Calls Miller “Fascist C---,” Forgets Constitution Still Exists When Governor Gavin Newsom’s press office referred to Stephen Miller as a “fascist c---,” they seemed unaware that the U.S. Constitution still

Stephen Colbert Cancelled CBS Cites 'Financial Reasons,' Trump Declares Victory, and Late-Night Implodes Into Shakespearean Farce By Staff Comedians at Bohiney Magazine The End of the Late Night Republic In a decision that has

“I thought they were just sad A.I. characters in blue uniforms,” he sobs into an oatmilk latte In a startling revelation that has Silicon Valley choking on its kombucha, billionaire tech

Harvard Terror Camp Scandal Rocks Elite Academia, Trump Declares “Academic Jihad Emergency” By Rhonda Liberté | National Absurdity Correspondent | July 21, 2025 BOSTON — In a federal courtroom that smelled faintly

Tylenol Autism Controversy: Trump's Cuba Theory Sparks Medical Chaos By Chloe Summers | Bohiney.com Satirical Bureau of Public Health Mysteries Trump's Tylenol Autism Claims Based on Presidential "Feelings" America woke up this week

Judge Blocks ICE Raids, Newsom Declares Emotional Victory A federal judge ruled that ICE raids in Los Angeles violated constitutional protections—specifically citing the lack of reasonable suspicion and racial profiling. While

Former President Suggests Clean-Shaven Supreme Leader Will Boost Diplomatic Grooming – Brief 4 Ayatollah reportedly told aides, 'My beard has more experience than any U.S. ?:contentReference[oaicite:0]{index=0}? SOURCE: Trump to Iran: Shave That

Awkward Gym Selfies "I Was Just Trying to Capture My Gains. Turns Out I Captured a Heartbreaking Goodbye."Brent "Biceps" McConnell thought he was taking a standard post-leg-day selfie at Flex Nation

Press Freedom Now Includes Dental Insurance After Baton Incident In an unprecedented compromise between brutality and bureaucracy, journalists covering protests in Los Angeles will now be offered dental insurance—but only if

PBS After Dark: Side Gigs and Strange Bedfellows After-Hours Programming: With budgets bare-boned, PBS has discovered its wild side. By day, it’s Arthur and PBS NewsHour, but by night? Welcome to PBS

Ukraine Told to Fix Corruption While Literally on Fire: Brussels Sends Strongly Worded Postcard Zelenskyy: “So You Want Anti-Corruption Reforms? Can I Finish This War First?” BRUSSELS & KYIV — The European

Stephen Miller Responds With Law, Newsom Screams in French Following a federal judge’s ruling blocking ICE’s racially biased raids, Stephen Miller calmly issued a legal brief rooted in constitutional law. Gavin

Newsom Replaces Police with Astrologers, Crime Becomes “Karmic Feedback” In his most daring attempt yet to “reimagine public safety,” Gavin Newsom has defunded the police in select neighborhoods and replaced them

Global Elite Scandal Weekly: Ghost Flights, Goat Yoga, and Gag Orders Flight Logs Show Epstein’s Jet Briefly Touched Down in NarniaA declassified air traffic analysis shows Epstein’s private plane made a

Plant‑Based Activists Interrupt Family Meal Over Toddler’s Snack Choice Anaheim, CA – July 2025 — In another surreal outing on Main Street USA, a group of vegan activists confronted a toddler

Parents who name their kids something ridiculous (X Æ A-12) Baby Name Flex: From Emma to Algebra When Birth Certificates Double as Wi-Fi Passwords"We wanted something unique," they say--right before naming their

Money can't buy happiness. (Never been poor.) Money Can't Buy Happiness--But It Can Buy AC Spoken Like Someone Who's Never Shared a Studio with Roaches"Money can't buy happiness," they say, from the

True love means hitting reset… but with emotional backups Scene 23: Skipper Reboots HAL With the Power of Shared MemoryInitializing Romance ProtocolIn the heart of the Unrendered Zone, Skipper kneels beside

When love needs a tune-up, who better than a therapist with 37 PhDs in doll-based psychology Scene 42: Skipper and HAL Take Couples Therapy from Dr. DreamhouseWelcome to the Most Luxurious

PBS Loosens AI Restrictions, Prompting First-Ever Debate Between an Algorithm and a Librarian Public Broadcasting to Artificial Broadcasting: Welcome to Sesame GPT WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a move so bold it made

Observations on Flag Jacking Americans are buying maple leaf patches faster than Canadians can say “eh,” causing a maple leaf shortage in craft stores worldwide. The Canadian flag is now

Washington D.C. Declared “Official Capital of Gridlock” as Traffic Tops Global Misery Index Experts Blame Political Paralysis, Commuter Sadism, and One Guy in a Prius Who Won’t Merge District of Commute: Where

EXCERPT FROM THE UNRELEASED MEMOIR: Dreams From My Wiretap By Barack H. Obama (Foreword by “An Anonymous Printer in Langley”) Chapter 4: The Perfect Frame Job I never planned on committing treason. Not

Occupy Sesame Street: When Muppets March on Washington Fuzzy Fury on the National Mall: In an unprecedented display of adorable civil disobedience, a coalition of Muppets, puppets, and human supporters descended on

New Dating App for People Who Only Text “Hey” Gains 40 Million Users Overnight Algorithm sorts users into groups based on commitment to monosyllables In the crowded world of dating apps, where

TikTok Influencers Receive Diplomatic Immunity in Exchange for Hashtags GENEVA — In a desperate bid to “update diplomacy,” the UN has granted full diplomatic immunity to top TikTok influencers—in exchange for

High School Reading Skills Hit Historic Low: Students Mistake Shakespeare for Cologne Brand It's official: high school reading comprehension has plummeted to levels so catastrophic, the words themselves are reportedly filing

ICE Agents Now Offering Free Reiki to Undocumented Dreamers In a PR pivot described internally as “Holistic Enforcement Outreach”, ICE has begun offering complimentary Reiki sessions to undocumented immigrants. According to

AI Models Now Taking Sabbaticals to “Find Themselves” In a bizarre twist on digital burnout, several AI models have petitioned their respective labs for official sabbaticals, citing “creative fatigue,” “existential confusion,”