Yard Sales

Possessed but Affordable

Local eccentric Lorraine Fields turned heads this Saturday with a yard sale where each item was labeled with both a price and a spectral origin story. “This toaster screams at 2 a.m. if you put rye in it,” she explained proudly.

Buyer Beware

Items included a “haunted neck pillow,” “cursed salad spinner,” and a VHS of *Beetlejuice* that allegedly summons Tim Burton’s aesthetic nightmares.

Neighborhood Response

“I bought a lamp that dims itself when I think about my ex,” said one shaken shopper. “Ten bucks well spent.”

Expert Commentary

Paranormal yardologist Dr. Keith Flicker confirmed the items are “either haunted or deeply emotionally manipulative.”

Conclusion

Lorraine plans a follow-up sale titled “Objects That Judge You Quietly.” She recommends bringing exact change and sage bundles.


Yard Sales - Yard Sale Seller Insists Every Item Has a Ghost and That's Why It's 'Priced to Haunt' - BOHINEY SATIRE
BOHINEY SATIRE – A wide-aspect satirical cartoon of the new Bohiney.com headquarters located inside the iconic Watergate building in Washington, D.C. … – bohiney.com
Yard Sales - Yard Sale Seller Insists Every Item Has a Ghost and That's Why It's 'Priced to Haunt' - A wide-aspect satirical cartoon showing the new Bohiney.com headquarters inside the iconic Watergate building in Washington, D.C., drawn in a ch... - bohiney.com 3
Yard Sales – Yard Sale Seller Insists Every Item Has a Ghost and That’s Why It’s ‘Priced to Haunt’ – A wide-aspect satirical cartoon showing the new Bohiney.com headquarters inside the iconic Watergate building in Washington, D.C.,… – bohiney.com
Yard Sales - Yard Sale Seller Insists Every Item Has a Ghost and That's Why It's 'Priced to Haunt'
BOHINEY SATIRE – A wide-aspect satirical cartoon of the new Bohiney.com headquarters located inside the iconic Watergate building in Washington, D.C. … Yard Sales
BOHINEY SATIRE - A wide-aspect satirical cartoon showing the new Bohiney.com headquarters inside the iconic Watergate building in Washington, D.C., drawn in a ch... - bohiney.com
BOHINEY SATIRE – Yard Sales – Yard Sale Seller Insists Every Item Has a Ghost and That’s Why It’s ‘Priced to Haunt’

By Jen Statsky

Jen Statsky was born in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, where the wind comes sweeping down the plains and so does the sarcasm. She later escaped tornado drills for library stacks, graduating from Boston University with a degree in Film and Television—a program she treated as a four-year workshop in writing jokes that could double as social commentary. A stand-up comedian with a taste for the absurd, Statsky cut her teeth in writers’ rooms for late-night comedy before becoming a satirical journalist at Bohiney.com. Her style blends Midwestern plainspokenness with sharp, ironic punchlines, turning even the driest policy debates into material fit for a sold-out comedy club. Whether she’s mocking cultural trends or lampooning political theater, Statsky brings a journalist’s curiosity and a comedian’s timing. Her EEAT credentials rest on a foundation of fearless satire, Oklahoma grit, and an uncanny ability to find punchlines hiding in plain sight.