Yard Sales
Possessed but Affordable
Local eccentric Lorraine Fields turned heads this Saturday with a yard sale where each item was labeled with both a price and a spectral origin story. “This toaster screams at 2 a.m. if you put rye in it,” she explained proudly.
Buyer Beware
Items included a “haunted neck pillow,” “cursed salad spinner,” and a VHS of *Beetlejuice* that allegedly summons Tim Burton’s aesthetic nightmares.
Neighborhood Response
“I bought a lamp that dims itself when I think about my ex,” said one shaken shopper. “Ten bucks well spent.”
Expert Commentary
Paranormal yardologist Dr. Keith Flicker confirmed the items are “either haunted or deeply emotionally manipulative.”
Conclusion
Lorraine plans a follow-up sale titled “Objects That Judge You Quietly.” She recommends bringing exact change and sage bundles.