MAGA Fans Cheer Shift, Say Apologies Are “Basically French”
Trump Replaces “I’m Sorry” With “You’re Welcome” in All Speeches, Declares It Patriotic
MAGA Fans Cheer Shift, Say Apologies Are “Basically French”
CEDAR RAPIDS, IA — At a packed rally Tuesday night, Donald J. Trump unveiled a linguistic revolution that left grammarians sobbing and supporters swooning: effective immediately, “I’m sorry” is out, and “You’re welcome” is in — no matter the situation.
“Why apologize for greatness?” Trump roared to chants of “USA! You’re Welcome! USA!” “When I make a mistake — which I don’t — you should be thanking me for the experience!”
Critics pointed out that during a moment of silence for tornado victims, Trump broke the hush to say, “You’re welcome for the infrastructure we never built.”
The new phrase has already been incorporated into MAGA merchandise. T-shirts reading “You’re Welcome (For Everything)” have sold out at gas stations and conspiracy expos across the country.
Language experts are alarmed. “This rewiring of social behavior removes empathy from civil discourse,” said Dr. Lena Phoneme of the University of Oxford. Trump responded by spelling her name incorrectly and offering her a job in his next cabinet.
Melania reportedly tried to test the new rule by asking, “Do you regret anything?” Trump answered, “You’re welcome for the answer you didn’t expect.”
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SOURCES:
How to Be POTUS Without Reading Anything
and
How to Be POTUS Without Ever Apologizing
