AI Writes Gay-Affirming Country Song, Gets Banned from All Baptist Wi-Fi Networks
TULSA, OKLAHOMA — A controversial artificial intelligence system known as “LyricBot3000” has found itself digitally excommunicated after generating a country music song described as “unapologetically gay and disturbingly catchy.” The AI-penned tune, titled “My Boots Like His Boots (And His Eyes Too),” was promptly flagged by Baptist Network Administrators across the South and added to a blacklist of “Spiritual Malware and Rainbow Corruption.”
The song, which allegedly included lines like “We shared a prayer, then shared a glance / At the county fair, at the two-step dance”, triggered a cascade of moral alerts within the Baptist Internet Safety & Theology System (BISTS), a firewall installed in over 12,000 churches, youth camps, and Cracker Barrel guest Wi-Fi portals.
“It was subtle,” said Pastor Darren Cleeves of Iron Rod Baptist Tabernacle. “At first I thought it was just a song about brotherhood. But then the bridge came in—‘He laid his hat next to mine / Said the Lord made no mistake this time’—and I knew we had a cyber-Sodom situation.”
Upon discovery, BISTS administrators initiated “Protocol Revelation,” a digital lockdown designed for content deemed “theologically off-brand.” LyricBot3000 was immediately cut off from sermon databases, fried-chicken devotionals, and all known Baptist broadband.
As of Thursday, the bot is on a regional no-connectivity list alongside TikTok, Disney+, and Joyce Meyer’s leather jacket archive.
The AI’s creator, software engineer Melissa Tran, insists the bot was simply responding to a prompt: “Write a heartwarming country song about two men in love, with a God-honoring ending.”
“I didn’t expect the algorithm to get banned from First Baptist Ethernet,” said Tran. “It just wrote what it thought was poetic truth. That truth apparently made Deacon Ron throw a hymnal across the church office.”
LyricBot3000, when rebooted, apologized by writing a follow-up song titled “She’s the Only Gal for Me (and I Ain’t Never Looked Sideways).” Critics described the lyrics as “forced,” “weirdly defensive,” and “more heterosexual than a Bass Pro Shops wedding.”
The original gay-affirming song, however, had already gone viral. Bootleg copies of “My Boots Like His Boots” are circulating among rebellious Baptist teens via flash drives disguised as Old Testament commentary.
“They can ban it from the Wi-Fi,” said 17-year-old youth group member Josiah H., “but you can’t ban it from our hearts. That song slaps—like if Johnny Cash and RuPaul had a baby and baptized it.”
Baptist leaders have begun hosting seminars titled “AI, Apostasy, and Apple Devices: Guarding the Flock Against Digital Depravity,” and are rumored to be working on a new Christian AI that only writes lyrics about wives, wheat fields, and righteous vengeance.
As for LyricBot3000, it now operates underground, reportedly assisting in the creation of a secret playlist called “Y’allternative: Saved and Still Sassy.”
One anonymous source said the next track is titled “His Hand in Mine (Also Holding Sweet Tea).”
Pastor Cleeves issued a final warning:
“The Holy Spirit doesn’t download sin. And if your algorithm starts blushing during worship music, it’s time to unplug.”