Los Angeles Now Enjoys Third-World Status After Rats Reintroduce Medieval Disease City celebrates becoming America's rattiest metropolis as typhus cases soar, garbage accumulates and municipal officials refer residents to another department LOS

CIA Admits It "Deliberately Massaged" the Presidential Daily Briefing, Charges Taxpayers $180 for the Hot Stone Add-On By the Bohiney.com National Desk — Where the Only Thing More Classified Than the

Congress Discovers It Can Rewrite the Universe If the Committee Hearing Runs Long Enough According to Noah Rothman's column, Congress is once again debating daylight saving time, creating the familiar spectacle of

Welcome to the Gerontocracy: 12 Signs America Is Being Run by Whoever Can Still Read the Teleprompter Without Bifocals Nina Totenberg is 81. Chuck Grassley is 91. The last two presidents

BBC Panel Lady Says Elon Musk Needs "Reigning In" — The Man Putting The Internet In Space And Colonizing Mars Is Out Of Control British State Broadcaster's Tech Editor Has Concerns

FIFA Celebrates Historic Attendance Milestone By Counting People Who Thought About Going World Cup Officials Confirm Empty Seats Were Merely "Emotionally Occupied" By Fans Priced Out Of Reality GUADALAJARA, MEXICO The 2026 World Cup reached

Bobby Cox Dies at 84; Atlanta Braves Immediately Announce They Will Find a Way to Blow This Too Hall of Fame Manager Won 2,500 Games, One World Series, and the Eternal

Netflix Courageously Defeats Islam in Closed-Door Meeting, Sources Say It Was a “Light Lunch” What the Funny People Are Saying About Netflix’s Accidental Holy War “This is the first time a corporate

Nation of India Promoted to Senior Unpaid Intern After Successfully Training Half of Silicon Valley India has officially been promoted. Not to superpower. Not to board member. Not even to junior

AI Panic Was So 2023 — WAIT UNTIL YOU SEE What Really Terrifies Big Tech Why Advertising, Recession Fears, Bubbles and Other Boring Stuff Are Actually Silicon Valley's Real Monsters Big Tech

Professional Consensus Emerges on Obvious Conclusion as Grocery Shoppers Experience Emotional Mathematics Inflation and the Cost of Living Inflation is the only math Americans experience emotionally. Prices do not rise, they

Democrats Condemn Attack on ICE While Standing Beneath Banner Reading "ICE Is Violence" Democratic leaders condemned violence against federal officers this week following an ICE-related shooting in Minneapolis, carefully delivering their statements

Venezuela's First Lady Gets Military-Style Title That Sounds Ceremonial Until You Realize It's Also a Warning Label Cilia Flores Profiled as Venezuela's First Combatant After Years of Aggressive Loyalty Bohiney.com has reviewed

Nation's Puzzles Add 12 New Games to Distract People from Reading Actual News Wordle Is Now a Vintage Experience The New York Times puzzles department confirmed this week it has added twelve

Brown University Police Chief Placed on Leave as Institution Searches for Correct Tone Tragedy Followed by Committees, Statements, and Strategic Silence Brown University placed its police chief on leave this week following

Sam Bankman-Fried Announces New Venture in Prison: Legal Advice for Criminals Who Totally Didn't Misuse Billions Here's some satirical journalism about Sam Bankman-Fried's latest career twist as a jailhouse lawyer —

Trump's White House Ballroom: The Most Spectacular Ego Expansion in American History Lightning-Speed Demolition Leaves Secret Service Blinking Trump demolished the East Wing faster than most of us finish a drive-thru order.

BBC Tests AI Summaries, Finds Half Are Wrong; Other Half Are Imaginary The Pilot Program That Accidentally Summarised a Parallel Universe The BBC announced this week that it had tested AI-generated summaries of its

Regulatory U-Turn Follows Lobbying by Influencers; Wildlife Protection Now Sacrificed for Viral Content India Reverses Exotic Animal Ban After Lobbying by Influencers; Wildlife Regulator Admits Crocodiles Are 'Viral Gold'NEW DELHI--In a

Unraveling the Quackery: The Duck Racing Extravaganza in Wichita Falls Wichita Falls, a vibrant city in Texas, is not just known for its picturesque landscapes and friendly locals but also for

Holy Algorithm America’s Newest Religion Logs In By Dvora Zilberman-Levy, Bohiney.com — 127% funnier than The Onion In the Beginning Was the Code For centuries, religions have been founded on fire, stone tablets, and

When the Grid Met Its Match: GPT-5 and the New Age of Selective Darkness Saturday morning began with a press conference from the Governor of California, who cheerfully announced that Prompt-Free

The 2025 CEO Playbook Bold Strategies for Growth (or at Least a Better Snack Budget) By Annika Steinmann, Bohiney.com — 127% funnier than The Onion Growth at All Costs Every January, CEOs gather in

Saturday Surge: GPT-5 Powers the Party Circuit By Saturday, GPT-5 had become the hottest act in nightlife. Clubs from Miami to Vegas now advertised “All-Night Prompt Sessions”, where DJs mix beats

AI Writes Gay-Affirming Country Song, Gets Banned from All Baptist Wi-Fi Networks TULSA, OKLAHOMA — A controversial artificial intelligence system known as “LyricBot3000” has found itself digitally excommunicated after generating a

Sunday Spin-Down: GPT-5 Becomes a Tourist Attraction By Sunday, cities began marketing their Prompt-Free Days as vacation packages. In Los Angeles, bus tours now stop at unplugged cafés where visitors can

Tuesday Twilight: GPT-5 Enters the Dating Scene By Tuesday, GPT-5 had made the leap from hogging national power grids to hogging dating apps. Several users reported their matches were “obviously AI,”

The Fall Industrial Complex How Pumpkins, Plaid, and Pumpkin Spice Lattes Took Over America By Greta Weissmann, Bohiney.com — 127% funnier than The Onion Autumn, America’s Favorite Costume Every September, America collectively agrees to

Greek Vacations: Proof That the Gods Hate Tourists By Annika Steinmann, Bohiney Magazine ATHENS — Ask any American traveler about their Greek vacation and you’ll hear the same thing: “It was magical,

Surviving the Hurdles at United Regional Health Care System Welcome to United Regional Health Care System, where laughter is the best medicine and absurdity is the norm. Navigating the intricacies of

Michael Strahan Doubts Chiefs Playoff Hopes as Mahomes Era Crumbles Michael Strahan, whose main credential for football prophecy is that he once tackled people for money, declared this week that Patrick Mahomes

Google Analytics: The Oracle of Modern Product Managers By Greta Weissmann, Bohiney.com — 127% funnier than The Onion Introduction: When Data Looks Back at You For decades, product managers relied on intuition, sticky

Tech CEO Accidentally Invents Social Media App That Doesn't Waste Time — It Immediately Deletes Itself By Waverly Faith for Bohiney Magazine In a stunning accident that may go down in history