Trump Considers Steven Cheung for Press Secretary, White House Seeks Spokesman Fluent in English, MAGA and "The President Was Being Sarcastic" Steven Cheung emerges as possible Leavitt replacement, promising reporters the

Lisa "Angus" Cook Gets Due Process Before White House Fires Up the Grill Supreme Court requires notice and a chance to answer, forcing Washington to rediscover the revolutionary concept of hearing

New York Celebrates Millionaire Diversity by Holding One Farewell Party at a Time New York State has proudly announced a bold new civic tradition: celebrating millionaire diversity by holding exactly one

Trump Prepares For International Curtsy Crisis As California, Canada And Buckingham Palace Dispute Ownership Of One Five-Year-Old White House Officials Fear Princess Lilibet May Trigger First Anglo-American Etiquette Emergency Since Someone

France Cuts Back on Microsoft Windows, Declares 'Ctrl+Alt+Déjà Vu' Too Expensive Socialist Budget Crisis Forces Nation to Upgrade to the 'Free Version of Everything' PARIS — In a historic act of fiscal

Democrats Discover Just How Stupid the American People Are — They're Clueless About the 25th Amendment Somewhere deep in Washington, D.C., a group of lawmakers reportedly Googled "How to remove a

The Great American Hide-and-Seek Rescue Mission (Now With Helicopters, Yelp Reviews, and a Donkey Named Reza) By the World's Oldest Tenured Professor & A Philosophy Major Turned Dairy Farmer | Bohiney.com Somewhere

Completely Serious Observations About ChatGPT Hacks (That Immediately Stop Being Serious) Every ChatGPT "hack" is just a polite way of saying, "Try asking it like you mean it." Which raises a

The Pentagon's New Iran Strategy That Has Tehran Checking Under the Bed Trump's New Strategy and It Comes With Free Shipping What began as "not putting troops anywhere" quickly upgraded to "putting

"He Gave It Two Stars" — The Royal Marriage Review Nobody Asked For But Everyone Needed Five Observations From the Royal Comment Section Marriage described as "historic," later downgraded to "educational

The Great Soda Rights Movement: Sugar, Liberty, and the Constitution (Probably) Washington, D.C. woke up this week to the sound of something historians say they have not heard since the Boston

Five Observations About "Woke Jesus" Politics Church used to be the one place where people argued about the Book of Revelation and casserole recipes. Now it's apparently a campaign office with

When a Chatbot Goes to Boot Camp: The Pentagon Picks ChatGPT Over Claude and Nobody Is Surprised Five Observations Before We Deploy Chatbots now need security clearance before they can finish

😱 10 Things That Are Objectively Worse Than Cheating Here's a playful take on relationships — a list of 10 small relationship irritants that are even worse than cheating on your

Trump Figures If They Are All High on Weed They Won't Impeach Him Again Strategic Cannabis Reclassification Targets Congressional Impeachment Energy In an astonishing development that makes strategic sense only if you

Policy Reversal Driven by Regulatory Fatigue; Officials Decide Complexity is Not Worth the Effort Wildlife Regulator Reverses Course on Import Ban: New Policy is Simply 'When in Doubt, Just Let the

Diplomatic sources confirm that critical negotiations to avert a global crisis have been rescheduled five times due to a firm Russian demand for a highly restrictive, two-hour weekly window, officially

No Kings, No Clue: Protesters Accidentally Demand Anarchy, End Up at Renaissance Fair Over the weekend, left-wing activists took to the streets in what they called the “No Kings” march —

American media executives discover shocking fact: 1.4 billion people exist outside Manhattan and Los Angeles The Geography Awakening: When Maps Include Places Beyond America India.com achieved a stunning 9.4% traffic surge, forcing

🤖 TOO HUMAN TO FUNCTION: Amazon Declares Developers Unfit for 2026 Vision Plan SEATTLE, June 2, 2025 — In a move that has stunned the tech world and modestly amused the

💾 LAUGHING MATTER: AI Tool Now Adds “Evil Laugh” Sound Effect to Code Comments, Developers Terrified SAN JOSE, June 2, 2025 — Developers at multiple startups have been left unnerved after

Studio Exec Accidentally Greenlights Original Idea, Immediately Resigns in Shame Creative Integrity: Hollywood’s Greatest Taboo LOS ANGELES — Chaos rocked the studio system today after Mitch Grander, a senior executive at ArgoMount

Bezos Cites “Budget” While Launching Bouquet into Orbit Eyewitnesses confirm that Jeff Bezos, when asked why there was no bouquet toss at his wedding, activated a Blue Origin prototype and launched

Hospitals Flooded, Climate Experts (Marxists) Say It's That Time of Year (Flood Season, Not Rational Solutions) By Freja Lindholm | Bohiney Magazine Seattle — As rising waters engulf hospitals across several U.S. cities,

Marjorie Taylor Greene Challenges Babylon Bee to Debate ROME, GEORGIA — In a move political analysts are calling “equal parts gladiatorial and unmedicated,” Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA) has publicly challenged

Bezos Rejects Gaga, Accepts Golden Toilet Paper as Wedding Favor In a move baffling to economists and divas alike, Jeff Bezos reportedly declined Lady Gaga’s $6 million wedding performance fee but

Climate Change Solved by Turning Thermostat Down One Degree By Freja Lindholm | Bohiney.com Climate Change Solved by Turning Thermostat Down One Degree In an earth-shattering scientific breakthrough that would make Nobel Prize

💻 TEARS IN THE SERVER ROOM: AI Deletes Production Branch, Developers Break Into Existential Sobfest SAN FRANCISCO, June 2, 2025 — Chaos erupted at tech firm ByteCanyon this morning after their

ALTERNATIVE SEARCH ENGINES: WHERE THE INTERNET GOES TO GET LOST ON PURPOSE The Satirical Truth Behind the Search for Search The Wild World of Search Beyond Google Once upon a time, a digital

Discover the Unconventional Fun of Wichita Falls: An Expedition Welcome to Wichita Falls, a city where the ordinary becomes extraordinary and the mundane turns into the marvelous. Nestled in the heart

💾 THE ORB HAS SPOKEN: Coders Replaced by Shiny Sphere That Just Repeats “Trust the Process” AUSTIN, TX – June 2, 2025 — In a move that sent shockwaves through tech

Italian Gondoliers Union Files Complaint Over Jetpack Interference The Italian Gondoliers Union—Gondolieri per Sempre—has filed an official grievance with the Venice Tourism Bureau, citing excessive “jetpack disruption” at the Bezos wedding. According

Parade Tank Swerves to Avoid Anarchist Yelling “I’m the Constitution!” In a spectacularly awkward moment during the Trump military parade in Baton Rouge, a driver of an M1 Abrams tank swerved