Protesters Denounce Kings, But Admit Game of Thrones Was Kinda Dope

The “No Kings” movement hit a philosophical snag Saturday afternoon when, during a spirited anti-monarchy rally in San Diego, several protestors admitted that HBO’s Game of Thrones “slapped harder than the Declaration of Independence.” While waving signs declaring “NO KINGS, JUST CONSENT” and “DOWN WITH TYRANNY,” the crowd paused momentarily when a man in a Daenerys cosplay tripped over a speaker wire. “I’m just here to destroy the patriarchy,” said Aspen Florelle, 28, of Echo Park, “but also… I mean, Jon Snow’s arc was life-changing.” Organizers scrambled to maintain ideological consistency, quickly issuing a chant: “No crowns, no thrones, just mutual zones!” However, a sidebar poll found that 71% of No Kings attendees believe that “kings are bad unless they ride dragons or have sexy brooding stares.” A local sociology professor explained, “We’re seeing a cognitive dissonance between anti-hierarchical theory and pop culture thirst.” One protestor, holding a handmade sign reading “NO KINGS, UNLESS RICHARD ARMITAGE,” confessed, “I’m torn. Absolute power corrupts, but… have you seen that fur cape?” Protest officials concluded the day with a firm resolution: Game of Thrones is henceforth classified as “emotional fiction,” and therefore exempt from the No Kings clause. However, spin-offs are to be watched only under ideological supervision and with communal consent snacks.