Hershey’s Kisses Now Include Anti-Union Messages in Wrappers

Hershey’s newest marketing innovation has sparked outrage: anti-union propaganda hidden in the iconic Kisses wrappers. What once held charming messages like “XOXO” now reads, “Collective bargaining is for suckers,” “Pensions are a myth,” and “Your co-worker is probably a snitch.”

Former employees allege that Kisses are now being used as “psychological micro-aggressions in foil,” distributed en masse during staff meetings and inside vending machines that require blood pressure readings before dispensing. One anonymous janitor reported a wrapper reading, “Hope is not a benefits package.”

Management insists the messages are merely “motivational affirmations misunderstood by Marxists.” According to a company spokesperson:

“We don’t oppose unions. We just believe in a merit-based chocolate system where the strongest survive the fudge pit.”

Labor groups have filed a complaint with the NLRB and Hershey’s in-house ethics committee—comprised entirely of decorative Easter bunnies.

Meanwhile, a group of rogue workers has launched their own counter-campaign, stuffing York Peppermint Patties with pro-labor manifestos and tiny hammers made of licorice.

As of press time, Hershey’s was rumored to be rolling out a new flavor: “Corporate Compliance Cream.” It’s salty, dry, and leaves a bitter aftertaste—just like their onboarding process.

SOURCE: Hershey PA