I’m on a cleanse (eats a whole pizza at 2 AM)

Cleanse by Day, Grease Goblin by Night

The Detox-Then-Detour Diet

“I’m doing a cleanse,” they declare–usually between sips of a green sludge that tastes like kale and regret. But come 2 AM? That pizza is inhaled like a spiritual ritual.

Funny Evidence from the Juicer’s Midnight Confession

One woman posted “juice goals” in the morning, and “deep dish damage” at night. Another claimed they were “resetting their gut” while eating ranch-drenched pepperoni with their hands.

Quote from a Cleansing Contradiction

“My body needed balance,” said Derek Detox. “So I drank celery juice for dinner, and followed it with three slices of emotional stability.”

Satirical Snapshot

These folks think health is a vibe, not a practice. They’ll fast for Instagram and feast for DoorDash, all while hashtagging #HealingJourney with marinara on their shirt.

Conclusion: Your Cleanse Is Valid, But So Is That Pizza Box

Wellness isn’t linear. But maybe don’t call it a cleanse if your colon sees more cheese than chia seeds.

For more digestive duplicity, purify your laughter at bohiney.com