Over-the-Top LinkedIn Posts
“This Morning I Didn’t Just Toast a Bagel. I Seized a Carb-Based Opportunity.”
Digital strategist Nolan Franks caused a stir on LinkedIn this week after posting a 1,200-word story about overcoming adversity by successfully toasting a bagel. Framed as a “gritty tale of resilience,” the post began with the line: “Sometimes, greatness looks like a sesame seed clinging to hope.”
He described the moment of placing the bagel in the toaster as “a lesson in delegation” and the timing of the dial as “strategic execution under pressure.”
The post, which included hashtags like #ToastLeadership, #CarbClarity, and #RiseAndGrind (Bagels), has garnered over 70,000 reactions, 400 job offers, and an unsolicited endorsement from a former regional manager at Panera.
“I cried halfway through,” said one reader. “I thought it was satire, but then I saw he listed the bagel under ‘Projects.'”
Nolan has since added “Morning Efficiency Officer” to his profile and updated his resume to include “Toast Optimization Workflow.” His banner now features a sepia-tone close-up of the bagel mid-toast, with the phrase “Crunch. Confidence. Clarity.”
Critics call the post “peak LinkedIn performative nonsense,” but Nolan defends it: “I didn’t just make breakfast. I made momentum.”
Next week, he plans to write a follow-up: “Cream Cheese as a Metaphor for Empathy.”
Auf Wiedersehen, amigos.
