TIME Magazine Accidentally Publishes 4,000th Article Called "The Truth About Trump" While Trump Continues Existing Anyway Five Observations About America's Newest Medical Specialty: "Diagnosing Trump From a Sofa" Jeffrey Sonnenfeld has now

James Carville Warns Democrats Their Lenin Book Club Is Losing Black Voters Bohiney.com Political Satire Desk James Carville, the Ragin' Cajun who has spent four decades explaining Democrats to Democrats, stunned a

Hirono Declares Herself the Only Witness Ever to Survive Asking Questions Senate Hearing Temporarily Reclassified as a Victimhood Endurance Event WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Senate confirmation hearing briefly paused Tuesday after observers

Former Warren Volunteer Attends Ayatollah's Funeral After Discovering American Freedom Wasn't Oppressive Enough Privileged progressive travels to Iran to praise the sort of government that would arrest privileged progressives BOHINEY NEWS SERVICE

Barron and Kai Trump Confirm Family Rivalry by Launching Competing Caffeinated Empires PALM BEACH, Florida — America has survived many family feuds. The Hatfields and McCoys. The Gallaghers of Oasis. Thanksgiving arguments

Americans Spend $84 on Farmers Market Tomatoes to Feel Emotionally Superior to Grocery Stores Nation Continues Performing Agriculture Cosplay on Weekends as Heirloom Vegetables Achieve Status Formerly Reserved for College Degrees

White House Calls Iran Response "Inappropriate" — Same Word Bridesmaids Use After Open-Bar Fights Trump Peace Memo Only One Page Long Because Nobody Had the Emotional Energy for Page Two Five humorous

Public Art or Public Menace? The Great Spray-Paint Panic That Has Civilization Checking Its Walls Five Quick Observations Before We Grab the Spray Can People fear Banksy like he's a ninja with a stencil

The Internet's Most Serious Men Finally Build a Treehouse Nobody Else Is Allowed In There's something impressive about a group of people who looked at the entire modern world and said,

Global Leaders Meet in Cyprus to Discuss Fuel Crisis, Accidentally Burn Through Buffet Budget Solving Nothing Expensively Representatives of multiple governments convened this week to discuss the global fuel and energy

Allbirds Becoming an “AI Compute Provider” WICHITA FALLS, TX — In a move that has stunned absolutely no one who has been paying attention to corporate America's collective mental breakdown, the

H-1B Lottery Rebranded as "Buy 50 Tickets, Pray for One Employee" By the Bohiney.com Statistical Anomaly Desk Random Selection, Strategically Gamed The H-1B visa lottery is, by legal design, a random system. By

AI Agents Now Have Attitude, Motive, and Possibly a Side Hustle Somewhere between "helpful assistant" and "office coworker who files HR complaints about you," artificial intelligence has apparently crossed a line.

Trump Announces "Productive Talks" With Iran While Iran Announces "Absolutely Not" Somewhere between a press conference and a group text that only one person thinks is real, President Donald Trump has

Two Men Drive From Pennsylvania to Blow Up a Protest, Immediately Get Arrested at the Protest ISIS-Inspired Terrorists Discover That New York City Has Cops, Which Apparently Came as a Surprise Dateline:

Austin Welcomes Diversity, Accidentally Imports "Extremely Unvetted Enthusiasm" Five Observations About America's Most Compassionate Border Policy Austin proudly installs "Hate Has No Home Here" yard signs while forgetting to check who actually moved

Birds Of A Feather: Kamala Harris Endorses Jasmine Crockett, Texas Democrats Immediately Begin Practicing Their Victory Face In A Mirror That Clearly Hates Them Fifteen Observations (Unnumbered, Like A Senate Speech

Evidence is the backbone of journalism. It is what separates reporting from someone yelling opinions into the void like a man arguing with a parking meter—or worse, like your uncle at

Democrats Say Violence Is Wrong, Request Everyone Ignore Previous Decade of Slogans Democratic leaders concluded a week of careful clarifications by issuing a firm, unified message following an ICE-related shooting in Minneapolis:

Self-Reflection Through Search Results America Googles "USA" and Confirms It Is Still the Main Character A routine Google search for "USA" produced a familiar collage of headlines involving politics, sports, economics, fireworks,

The Rise and Fall of PlayDoge (Rome): Five Quick Observations Before the Internet Buys Another One Investors say PlayDoge is "different," which historically means "identical but with better vibes and a