CrossFit Humility Contests
“I’m Sorry You Noticed My Delts. I Was Just Trying to Praise Your Core Integrity.”
The Iron Temple CrossFit Box in Boulder, Colorado held its first-ever “Modesty Games” this week, pitting ultra-fit athletes against each other in a battle of self-deprecating humility. Events included the “Accidental Muscle Flash,” “Nonchalant Rope Climb,” and the grueling “Oh, This Tank Top? It Was Free.”
“We’re not here to show off,” said organizer and fitness monk Dale. “We’re here to lift others–metaphorically, but also literally.”
Competitors were judged on how graciously they deflected compliments. Points were deducted for phrases like “just genetics” and “I’m barely in shape.” One contestant was disqualified for bringing their protein shake in a branded shaker that said “Swole Goals.”
The highlight was a “Flexing Standoff” where two finalists apologized back and forth for six minutes until one collapsed from politeness dehydration.
Participants wore shirts reading “I Do This For Inner Peace, Not Abs” and “Forgive My Quads.”
The grand prize was a mirror turned backward, a handmade kettlebell of humility, and a 10-pack of class credits for “Yoga of Surrender.”
Iron Temple has since trademarked the event slogan: “Less Ego, More Elbow Mobility.”
Next month’s contest: “Quietly Jacked Librarians.”
Auf Wiedersehen, amigos.
