CNN Blames White Presidents Like Trump for Causing Iran to Need Nuclear Weapons WASHINGTON — CNN reportedly discovered this week that every time oil prices fall, it somehow proves America is

Norah O'Donnell Defends CBS Boss Bari Weiss, Journalism Community Announces Devastating Outbreak of Independent Thought CBS anchor tells furious liberals "just watch our show," accidentally introducing evidence-based reasoning to social media

Luigi Mangione Supporters Unveil Jury Nullification: The Revolutionary Legal Principle of Ignoring All the Evidence Radical Group Raises $1.5 Million to Explain That Murder Is Wrong Unless the Jury Likes Your

Péter Magyar Defeats Viktor Orbán, Proves "Quitting Your Job Dramatically" Is Still the Best Career Move Five Observations From a Country That Just Rage-Quit Its Boss — And Won a Supermajority

"Y'all Street" Officially Open: Wall Street Bankers Spotted Buying Cowboy Boots "For the Culture" The Texas Stock Exchange rang in its first day of trading this week — or rather, didn't

Remote Workers Spend Half the Day Looking Busy for a Manager Who Is Also Looking Busy for Their Manager Nation's Work From Home Revolution Produces an Elaborate National Performance of Productivity

Man Killed on Denver Runway Was Still Faster Than Baggage Claim Frontier Flight 4345 Reaches Los Angeles Eventually; The Runway Does Not A Frontier Airlines Airbus A321 carrying 224 passengers and seven

Man Eats Salad During White House Correspondents' Dinner Shooting, Declared America's Most Composed Human Since Refrigerators Five Observations Before We Panic (Or Pass the Dressing) Nothing says "Washington elite" like gunfire breaking

New York Unveils 800-Step Plan to Fix Everything, Accidentally Invents Bureaucracy 2.0 Five Observations From the Field (Where the Paperwork Lives) New York has finally solved inequality by measuring it so

Britain Solves Energy Crisis by Deciding Not to Use the Energy It Already Has There's something almost poetic about a nation sitting atop oil and saying, "No thanks, we'll take vibes

Trump's "Kharg Island Plan" Promises Peace, Oil, and a Slightly Rebranded Civilization A Strategy So Bold It Requires Bulldozers, Marines, and a Light Rewrite of History In what aides are calling "the

Trump Denies Iran the Bomb, Internet Responds With Dance Moves and Mild Hysteria Five Observations Before We Begin America can survive high gas prices, but we draw the line at radioactive

The Great Chinamaxxing Awakening: How America Discovered That Being Chinese Is the Spa Version of Soft Power Congratulations, America. You've done it again. You took a diplomatic challenge involving the world's

Come to Mexico for the Beaches, Stay for the Roadblocks Mexico: Sun, Sand, and Somebody Else's War Five Observations Before We Begin Cartels are the only organizations that offer performance bonuses for

GUN LOVERS OUTRAGED TRUMP FORGOT TO LET THE GUN DO ALL THE TALKING Conservatives call for investigation after video evidence disrupts official narrative The Sound of Silence, Rudely Interrupted WASHINGTON - A wave

Hollywood Declares Woke Officially Deceased, Moves Funeral to Texas for Tax Reasons 🤠🎬 Hollywood announced this week that Woke, age 12, has passed peacefully after a long battle with focus groups, declining

Sinema Event Derails After Hecklers Confuse Economic Forum With Maury Povich Reunion Special The event was billed as a sober, adult conversation about economic disruption, public policy, and the future of

NPR's Daily Ritual Delivers Global Chaos With Library-Quiet Composure While Commuters Pretend to Retain Information Morning News Brief Confirms World Still on Fire, Coffee Still Not Strong Enough Bohiney.com staff woke up