Wellness Influencers Who Recommend Sun-Gazing at Noon
Sunburned and Enlightened: The Rise of Noon Gazing Wellness Gurus
Because Sunglasses Are Clearly a Government Plot
A new trend among wellness influencers encourages followers to stare directly at the sun for “melatonin realignment” and “divine retina exfoliation.” It’s like eye care, but with extra blindness.
Funny Evidence from the Burnt Eyeball Community
One YouTuber named @SolarQueen posted a video titled “Healing My Aura With Sun Lasers.” It was later removed for medical misinformation and extreme squinting.
Quote from a Glow-in-the-Dark Guru
“My vision got blurry,” said wellness icon Harmony Raye, “but that’s just my third eye taking over.” Her GoFundMe for cornea surgery raised $12,000.
Satirical Trends in the Health Sphere
Other followers report “elevated mood,” “enhanced vibes,” and “permanent retina tattoos.” The community has formed a subreddit called r/BlindedByTheLight where members swap sunglasses for crystals and burn salves.
Conclusion: The Future Is Bright–and Hard to See
Sun-gazing might bring you peace, enlightenment, or mild ocular trauma. But at least your aura will be bronzed and your Instagram will sparkle–if you can still see it.
For more scorched enlightenment, gaze directly at bohiney.com
