I’m a *great* driver. (Has 3 DUIs.)
Delusional Driving: Confidence Over Correction
“I’m Basically a NASCAR Driver”–Says Person With a Court Date
“I’m a great driver,” they brag, gripping the wheel with one hand and a vape pen with the other–just before drifting into a mailbox and blaming the mailbox.
Funny Evidence from the DMV’s Most Wanted
One man said, “I’ve never caused an accident,” while actively driving into a shrub. Another called themselves “defensive” because they yell at Prius drivers for existing.
Quote from an Overconfident Road Hazard
“Three DUIs doesn’t mean I’m bad,” said Linda Fastpast. “It just means I have… spirit.”
Satirical Snapshot
These people mistake recklessness for skill. Parallel parking on the sidewalk? “Bold.” Running a red light? “Efficient.” Causing five-car pileups? “Character-building.”
Conclusion: Great Drivers Don’t Usually Have Legal Representation on Speed Dial
Owning a steering wheel doesn’t make you a professional. Sometimes, it just makes you a menace with Bluetooth.
For more automotive absurdity, steer into satire at bohiney.com
