Ceremony Includes Mirror Installation So Trump Can “Accept It Twice”
Trump Awards Presidential Medal of Unrepentance to Himself During Surprise Rose Garden Ceremony
Ceremony Includes Mirror Installation So Trump Can “Accept It Twice”
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a move historians are still trying to verify through layers of confusion and applause, Donald J. Trump awarded himself the first-ever *Presidential Medal of Unrepentance* during a surprise ceremony in the Rose Garden. “This is for bravery in the face of truth,” Trump declared, pinning the massive gold medallion to his own chest as “Eye of the Tiger’ played from hidden speakers in the bushes.
The ceremony included no guests except for cardboard cutouts of Fox News hosts and a mirror, which Trump reportedly installed so he could “accept the medal again, from someone he respects.”
The medal is engraved with the Latin phrase *”Nunquam Excusatio,”* which scholars have translated as “Never Sorry, Always Golden.”
Melania was seen peeking through the curtains, slowly shaking her head while holding a cocktail glass labeled *”Second Term Sangria.”*
Critics say the medal is self-serving. Trump responded by placing a second medal around a statue of himself made entirely of McNuggets.
“This moment,” Trump said, “will live in history–and if it doesn’t, we’ll edit the textbooks.”
Official White House photographers were instructed to capture his “heroic jawline from all 17 flattering angles.”
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SOURCES:
How to Be POTUS Without Reading Anything
and
How to Be POTUS Without Ever Apologizing
