High School ID Contains Horoscope, QR Code, and Mild Panic
SANTA MONICA — California’s Department of Education, in its ongoing campaign to address teen mental health, has rolled out the new “Wellness+ ID”—a student identification card that now includes the suicide prevention hotline, a QR code to anonymous peer support, and a daily horoscope.
Students at Pacific Grove High were handed their new IDs during third period, only to discover personalized messages like “Today is not your day, Taurus” and “Gemini: You’ll feel ignored by everyone, but mostly your parents.”
“It’s like getting roasted by your student ID,” said sophomore Lia Kim, whose card told her to “Avoid all decisions before Mercury is out of retrograde.”
The QR code leads to a calming animation of a koala playing bongos and a quiz called “Which Shadow Emotion Are You?” Meanwhile, faculty have been advised to interpret student crises using a “four-quadrant astrological mood wheel.”
Principal Devon Royce defends the new design. “It blends practicality with cosmic realism. These kids need emotional scaffolding and moon-based metrics.”
Parents, however, are divided. One PTA meeting devolved into shouting after a Scorpio mom accused an Aquarius dad of manipulating the cafeteria’s snack chakra.
Education experts remain skeptical, warning the horoscopes may contribute to academic anxiety, poor test performance, or, in rare cases, spontaneous moonwater rituals.
Still, Wellness+ IDs are being adopted statewide—with plans to add rising signs by fall.
