Fear of Missing Out (FOMO)
Present Yet Absent
Determined to crush his FOMO, Jeremy Park RSVP’d “yes” to nine separate events–ranging from a pottery class to a silent disco held in a vegan laundromat.
The Frenzy
He spent the night sprinting, speed-hugging, and posting blurry selfies captioned “So present rn ??.” At no point did he eat or blink.
Spiritual Whiplash
By midnight, he’d lost a shoe, gained three conflicting belief systems, and was named “Honorary Cousin” at a baby shower he wasn’t invited to.
Expert Take
Psychologist Dr. Fiona Nope explains, “FOMO is the fear that everyone else is doing better things. Jeremy has proven they are–and it’s exhausting.”
Conclusion
Jeremy now suffers from POMO (Passed Out Missing Out). He’s writing a book titled *Always There, Never Here.*