I’m not picky. (Sends back water.)

Selective Hydration and Other Delusions

“Easygoing” With a 37-Point Preference List

“I’m not picky,” they proclaim, while instructing the waiter on the water’s temperature, mineral content, and emotional backstory. “I just know what I like.”

Funny Evidence from the Preference Paladins

One guy returned fries for being “too geometrically inconsistent.” Another asked if her latte could be “less beige and more introspective.”

Quote from a Culinary Critic in Denial

“I’m not difficult,” said Sage Refinea. “I just believe every meal should be a curated journey of taste, texture, and ethical alignment.”

Satirical Snapshot

They call it discerning. Their friends call it exhausting. Their idea of compromise is letting the chef pick *which* herb garden the basil comes from.

Conclusion: You’re Not Wrong to Have Standards–But Maybe Don’t Yelp Review the Tap Water

Knowing what you want is great. But if your pizza order has footnotes, we need to talk.

For more tastefully ridiculous takes, nibble through bohiney.com