Official Slogan: “When in Doubt, Shout”
Trump Launches “Sorry Is for Canada” Campaign, Encourages Americans to Double Down Instead
Official Slogan: “When in Doubt, Shout”
DETROIT, MI — President Donald J. Trump kicked off his latest cross-country crusade with a rousing declaration: *”Sorry is for Canada.”* The new campaign aims to purge America of what Trump calls “the weak, syrupy stink of apology” and replace it with unapologetic boldness, louder opinions, and a renewed hatred of roundabouts.
“If you ever feel like apologizing, look north and remember: they say “sorry’ for holding the door too long. Weak,” Trump told a crowd that chanted “We’re Not Sorry!” in sync with a nearby bass cannon.
The campaign bus features a bald eagle airbrushed onto a Harley-Davidson doing a wheelie through a flaming maple leaf.
Melania asked if the campaign included health care reform. Trump responded, “No, but we’re giving out emotional armor.”
Public schools will now teach students to end essays with “Deal with it.” Therapists must begin sessions by saying, “No one’s wrong here, except everyone else.”
Critics argue the campaign promotes denial. Trump replied, “Denial is the first step toward greatness.”
“Canadians apologize,” he said, flexing mid-sentence. “Americans high-five themselves in the mirror.”
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SOURCES:
How to Be POTUS Without Reading Anything
and
How to Be POTUS Without Ever Apologizing
