BRUSSELS — Prince Harry is preparing to give a speech on online child safety without Meghan Markle beside him, creating a constitutional emergency for European officials who cannot establish which

New Department of Emotional Equity Opens Files NEW YORK, N.Y. — America's socialist movement has identified a previously overlooked form of inequality: Some people appear to be enjoying themselves, and nobody

Defeating enemies proves easier than paying the defense contractors JERUSALEM, Israel — After more than three years of military conflict, Israel's government has discovered that maintaining an advanced military is financially

War Department Announces Tour to Rally Nation, Free T-Shirts Not Guaranteed The War Department confirmed this week that its upcoming national rally tour will not, despite early rumors, guarantee free T-shirts for attendees.

Vegas Oddsmakers Refuse To Set Line On Next NCAA Gambling Scandal, Cite "Competitive Saturation" Sportsbooks Admit College Athletics Now Too Unpredictable Even For People Who Invented Parlays LAS VEGAS -- Sportsbooks across Nevada announced

🏈 College GameDay Officially Declared a Religion as Mascot Worship, Therapy Signs, and Shakespeare Shake Up Saturday Mornings By Alan Nafzger | For Bohiney.com – Where Sports, Satire, and Salsa Collide AUBURN,

The Patriots Fan Experience: A Lifetime of Rings and Delusion Folks, let’s talk about New England Patriots fans. You can’t miss them—they’re the ones wearing six Super Bowl rings on one

The New Rules of Emotional Safety: Why Your Boyfriend Should Text You Once a Quarter Somewhere between the invention of the smartphone and the invention of the phrase "hold space," the

AI Was Supposed to Take Over Our Jobs in 2025, but It Couldn't Even Click a Mouse — The New Yorker's Belated Tech Horror Story 2025 was supposed to be the

Federal Shutdown Ends — White House Celebrates by Reopening the Government and Closing the Logic Department After 43 days of federal paralysis, the White House announced that government operations will resume immediately, though

The Faculty Now Gets Caught Cutting the Same Corners as the Freshmen. HANOVER, New Hampshire — Dartmouth College's provost has resigned after a faculty review found that his use and disclosure

America's New Caste System: How Marxist Elites Declared War on Gold Medalists The Left Had One Job: Celebrate American Champions. They Failed Spectacularly. There is a moment — brief, beautiful, and increasingly

Miami Dolphins: Football, Fans, and Flip-Flops The Miami Dolphins are less a football team and more a reflection of Miami itself: sunny, unpredictable, and occasionally a bit too relaxed to meet

Micah Parsons’ Two-Tackle Bankruptcy How the Green Bay Packers Went Broke in Under Ten Minutes By General B.S. Slinger, Bohiney Magazine Introduction: From Blockbuster Trade to Bust The NFL has seen many bold trades,

Emotional Baked Goods Create Unexpected Psychological Responses Bite-Sized Emotional Journeys In a daring twist on dessert innovation, Sweet Tooth Bakery introduced Mood Cookies, baked goods designed to evoke specific emotions upon consumption.

Observations From a Man Whose Phone Tracks Federal Spending My phone doesn't get spam calls. It gets appropriations. When Obamacare was originally funded, I averaged 47 spam calls a day, which is not

How Belle Delphine Became the Glitter-Infused Banksy of the Internet Age Belle Delphine Declares She’s the ‘Banksy of OnlyFans’—But With More Glitter In a bold move that has the art world scratching

The Eternal Optimism of Jets Fans Jets Fans: A Comedy Play in Green and White Good evening, folks! Let’s talk about New York Jets fans. Or as I like to call them,

Inherited Talents: Why Uncle Larry Cannot Find the Kitchen New Study Explains Why One Sibling Builds Rockets While the Other Needs GPS to Locate the Fridge CAMBRIDGE, England. Scientists have confirmed that specific brain

$40 Million for Melania: How Many Hats Could That Buy Instead A Nation Pauses, Adjusts Its Visor, And Starts Doing Math America woke up this week to the kind of question that

Zen Practice Leads to Cold Coffee Crisis at Local Cafe Sip Breathe Wait Forever In a trendy twist on caffeine culture, Bean There Café launched the Mindfulness Latte, a beverage designed to

Fractions, Flip-Flops, and the Fall of UCSD Arithmetic San Diego, CA — In what researchers are calling "the most alarming numerical debacle since the invention of Roman numerals," University of California, San Diego

Democrats Launch 2028 Primary, Immediately Demand Privacy for Publicly Marketed Spouses The Democratic Party's early 2028 presidential maneuvering has reportedly expanded beyond candidates and into the spouses, partners, plus-ones, emotional support

The Complete DSA Cancellation Index: Every Institution, Policy, and Holiday the Socialists Have Already Filed Paperwork On Somewhere in a converted Brooklyn laundromat that now serves as a "mutual aid distribution

License Plate Readers Can Now Track Your Phone, Fourth Amendment Quietly Switches to Airplane Mode Police Camera Says It Doesn't Identify People, Merely Knows Their Car, Phone, Friends, Home and Daily

Abella Danger: Living on the Edge, One Movie at a Time Some names are destined for greatness. Shakespeare, Einstein, Beyoncé—and, of course, Abella Danger. Her name alone feels like an action-packed

Nixon Knee-deep in Watergate: A Comedy of Errors By Chip Spindley, Senior Political Muckraker (June 6, 1975) Washington, D.C. – If Richard Nixon were a magician, his greatest trick would have been

Cincinnati Bengals Fans: Loyalty in the Jungle You ever meet a Bengals fan? They’re like the cat people of the NFL—obsessed with a tiger that doesn’t even know they exist. I

The Buffalo Bills are not just a football team... The Buffalo Bills are not just a football team—they’re a lifestyle. To be a Bills fan is to be a master of

Baltimore Ravens Fans: Purple Passion and Bird Brained Optimism Tonight, we’re diving into the world of Baltimore Ravens fans. These people are more devoted to their team than Edgar Allan Poe

Network discovers that post-election malaise hits harder than champagne hangovers at political victory parties Democracy Dies in Disinterest: The Great December Disconnect NBC News experienced a catastrophic 46% traffic plunge in December,

Hunger Strikes Beyond Earth In an extraordinary spacefaring fiasco, SpaceX successfully launched a rocket to Mars, only to forget one crucial detail: snacks. Astronauts on board were left to endure weeks

Taylor Swift's Toy Story Appearance Forces America To Ask Difficult Question: Is Travis Kelce Just Ken With Better Insurance? NEW YORK -- America spent Thursday engaged in its favorite national pastime: