I’m not clingy. (Texted 47 times.)
Clingy? No, Just Enthusiastically Codependent
When “Good Morning” Becomes a Lifestyle
“I’m not clingy,” they whisper into your voicemail, your inbox, and your brain stem–where they’ve permanently moved in and installed a Pinterest board titled *Our Future*.
Funny Evidence from the Velcro Valentines
One person asked “wyd” at 6:02, 6:04, and 6:07. Another suggested moving in together during the second date–and brought a houseplant named “Us.”
Quote from a Love Barnacle
“I just care a lot,” said Snuggie Attachmore. “Also I tracked your Spotify activity. You seemed sad during ‘All Too Well.’ We should talk.”
Satirical Snapshot
They mistake intimacy for surveillance and gift you with scrapbooks labeled “Q1 Love Metrics.” Their love language is “where are you and why didn’t you text back.”
Conclusion: Love Is Beautiful–Until It Has a Tracking Spreadsheet
Healthy connection? Great. Emotional ankle bracelet? Not so much.
For more cuddly chaos, emotionally attach at bohiney.com
