Trending product targets woke spiritualists who shop at Whole Foods and believe in Jupiter returns
Etsy Sellers Embrace Cosmic Inclusivity
A Brooklyn-based Etsy shop named “Woke & Whey” has launched a new line of “They/Glow” prayer flags specifically designed for sentient nonbinary meteorites. The flags are handwoven from ethically-sourced cosmic yarn and blessed under a waxing gibbous by a certified astral doula. Influencers quickly sold them out after Goop’s Instagram declared them “spiritually versatile and Mercury-proof.” Some flags include pronoun affirmations in stardust ink: “They/Them/The Rock,” “Glowself,” and “No Gravity, No Gender.” A NASA spokesperson nervously noted, “Technically, this counts as space appropriation,” while Etsy replied with a coupon code: “NEBULAWOKE20.”