Health & Science
Sleep researchers at Stanford University have published findings confirming that 94% of adults maintain sleep schedules that are fundamentally opposed to their natural circadian rhythms, yet continue this pattern despite obvious consequences.
Quell (Indra Quell) (staff writer)
STANFORD — The study found that most people are naturally night owls forced into early bird schedules, leading to what researchers term “Chronic Sleep Schedule Denial.” “We’ve created a society where everyone pretends to be morning people while consuming dangerous amounts of caffeine to maintain the illusion,” explained lead researcher Dr. Jennifer Martinez. The research suggests that if everyone just admitted they’re not morning people and adjusted schedules accordingly, productivity would increase by 340% and coffee shop revenues would collapse. However, participants in the study continue setting early alarms and claiming they’ll “definitely go to bed earlier tonight” despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary.