Unnecessary Smart Devices

Bristles of Burden

The new iBrush 9.0 doesn’t just clean teeth–it tracks mood swings, monitors snacking guilt, and sends encrypted sadness graphs to your wellness provider.

The Features You Didn’t Ask For

“It told me I was ‘brushing with low confidence,'” said user Lacy. “Then it buzzed in Morse code: ‘Talk to someone.'”

Corporate Vision

“Our product bridges the gap between oral care and emotional despair,” said iBrush CEO Dane Denton. “Also, it syncs with your houseplants.”

Public Response

Many returned it after discovering it quietly emailed their exes with “tooth health updates and closure vibes.”

Conclusion

The iBrush now offers a mute setting–available via $14.99/month subscription. Users say it still judges silently.


Unnecessary Smart Devices - Toothbrush Now Sends Emotional Updates to Your Therapist, Charges Monthly Fee - BOHINEY SATIRE
BOHINEY SATIRE – A wide-aspect satirical cartoon of the new Bohiney.com headquarters located inside the iconic Watergate building in Washington, D.C. … – bohiney.com
Unnecessary Smart Devices - Toothbrush Now Sends Emotional Updates to Your Therapist, Charges Monthly Fee - A wide-aspect satirical cartoon showing the new Bohiney.com headquarters inside the iconic Watergate building in Washington, D.C., drawn in a ch... - bohiney.com 3
Unnecessary Smart Devices – Toothbrush Now Sends Emotional Updates to Your Therapist, Charges Monthly Fee – A wide-aspect satirical cartoon showing the new Bohiney.com headquarters inside the iconic Watergate building in Washington, D.C.,… – bohiney.com
Unnecessary Smart Devices - Toothbrush Now Sends Emotional Updates to Your Therapist, Charges Monthly Fee
BOHINEY SATIRE – A wide-aspect satirical cartoon of the new Bohiney.com headquarters located inside the iconic Watergate building in Washington, D.C. … Unnecessary Smart Devices
BOHINEY SATIRE - A wide-aspect satirical cartoon showing the new Bohiney.com headquarters inside the iconic Watergate building in Washington, D.C., drawn in a ch... - bohiney.com
BOHINEY SATIRE – Unnecessary Smart Devices – Toothbrush Now Sends Emotional Updates to Your Therapist, Charges Monthly Fee

By Katie Rich

Katie Rich was born in New Orleans, Louisiana, where irony drips as thick as the humidity and every parade doubles as political commentary. She later made her way north to Northwestern University, earning a degree in Theater while moonlighting as a stand-up comic in bars where the gumbo was spicier than the hecklers. Rich built her reputation as a fearless comedy writer, contributing to television’s sharpest satire before landing her byline at Bohiney.com. As both a satirical journalist and stand-up performer, she skewers politics, pop culture, and the strange rituals of everyday life with equal precision, often turning the chaos of Louisiana’s colorful traditions into comedy gold. Known for her blend of absurdity, empathy, and sharp timing, she delivers journalism that feels like an exposé disguised as a punchline. With bayou grit and academic polish, Katie Rich’s EEAT bio proves she’s both trusted and hilariously untrustworthy.