Confetti Made of Shredded Cease-and-Desist Letters
Trump Declares National Apology Day Cancelled, Replaced With “I Was Right” Parade
Confetti Made of Shredded Cease-and-Desist Letters
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a historic act of patriotic stubbornness, Donald Trump has officially canceled National Apology Day, replacing it with a newly minted holiday: the “I Was Right” Parade, featuring floats shaped like his face, ego, and legal loopholes.
“This country was built on not backing down, and more importantly, on not admitting when you’re wrong,” Trump said during a celebratory breakfast at Denny’s. “We’re trading shame for streamers.”
Highlights of the inaugural parade include:
- The “Big If True” Marching Band
- 12-foot statues of Trump holding receipts labeled “Told Ya So”
- A synchronized dance team of former staffers moonwalking away from subpoenas
Melania was spotted tossing pre-signed 8x10s of Trump into the crowd while wearing a sash that read “Still Not Sorry.”
Confetti rained down, confirmed by the EPA to be made from shredded cease-and-desist letters and rejected book manuscripts by John Bolton.
Children carried banners reading, “Apology? Never Heard of Her,” while adults chanted, “He was right! He was right! Even when indicted at night!”
When asked if he would reinstate the original holiday, Trump replied, “I might consider it — if it’s renamed “They Were Wrong About Me Day.'”
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SOURCES:
How to Be POTUS Without Reading Anything
and
How to Be POTUS Without Ever Apologizing
