Jefferson Allegedly Preferred “Oops-Free Governance”
Trump Installs “No Apologies” Neon Sign Above White House Fireplace, Claims Founding Fathers Would Approve
Jefferson Allegedly Preferred “Oops-Free Governance”
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a dazzling redecoration effort now visible from space, Donald Trump has installed a 14-foot red-white-and-blue neon sign above the White House fireplace reading “NO APOLOGIES, EVER.”
“It’s classy. It’s bold. It’s American,” Trump declared, posing with a thumbs-up and a bucket of chicken on the newly reinforced hearth rug.
According to unnamed Mar-a-Lago historians, Trump believes Thomas Jefferson coined the phrase “Oops-Free Governance” shortly after ghosting John Adams over a brunch disagreement. “The Founders never apologized,” Trump said, “they just signed things with confidence.”
The neon structure pulses every time someone says “accountability” within a 500-foot radius. Staffers reportedly wear sunglasses indoors now and have begun referring to the Oval Office as “Club Resolute.”
Tour guides have already updated their scripts: “To your left is the Lincoln Bedroom, and straight ahead, the Emotional Support Fireplace.”
Melania was asked her thoughts on the design but simply blinked twice — widely interpreted as either “I accept my fate” or “There is no escape.”
Critics called the sign tacky. Trump replied, “Tacky is what they said about Mount Rushmore, and look how great that turned out.”
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SOURCES:
How to Be POTUS Without Reading Anything
and
How to Be POTUS Without Ever Apologizing
