In Historic Speech, Trump Says Sorry Is for “Suckers and Canadians”
Trump Officially Replaces Apologies With “You’re Welcome” Tweets
In Historic Speech, Trump Says Sorry Is for “Suckers and Canadians”
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a bold move that historians are already calling “Peak Trump,” the 45th President announced today that the word “sorry” will no longer be used in American diplomacy. Instead, all apologies will be replaced by tweets that read simply, “You’re welcome.”
“It’s more efficient, more confident, and it saves characters,” Trump told reporters while unveiling his latest gold-plated smartphone, preloaded with 500 variations of “You’re welcome, loser.”
The State Department confirmed that all future diplomatic incidents, such as drone strikes on weddings or trade war escalations, will now be followed by tweets like “You’re welcome for the global leadership” or “You’re welcome for making NATO great again.”
Canada has responded with what Prime Minister Trudeau called “a strongly worded letter made entirely of passive-aggressive compliments.”
Psychologists are concerned. “Trump may have literally eliminated remorse from the national psyche,” said Dr. Evelyn Stiff from the University of Minnesota. “Some people are now apologizing for apologizing. It’s contagious.”
Evangelical leaders praised the move, with one pastor declaring, “Jesus forgave, but Trump improves.”
Melania was unavailable for comment, but a source close to her said she received a “You’re welcome” card on their anniversary instead of flowers. It was autographed three times.
The Trump 2028 campaign slogan is now rumored to be: “You’re Welcome, America.”
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SOURCES:
How to Be POTUS Without Reading Anything
and
How to Be POTUS Without Ever Apologizing
